sugar daddies/sugar mammas

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Eureka
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Re: sugar daddies/sugar mammas

Post by Eureka »

James_0011 wrote:
Sun Apr 23, 2017 6:45 am
I'm not sure how you could draw your conclusions as you don't know either of us.
I don't draw any conclusions about you two, but you made a general bold statement:
These older women just want a young, hot guy to make them feel like they are sexy and in college again.
So I replied in a general way.

James_0011
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Re: sugar daddies/sugar mammas

Post by James_0011 »

Eureka wrote:
Sun Apr 23, 2017 9:59 pm
James_0011 wrote:
Sun Apr 23, 2017 6:45 am
I'm not sure how you could draw your conclusions as you don't know either of us.
I don't draw any conclusions about you two, but you made a general bold statement:
These older women just want a young, hot guy to make them feel like they are sexy and in college again.
So I replied in a general way.
Oh, by 'these older women" I mean "older women who are attracted to young guys" not "all older women".

thrifty++
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Re: sugar daddies/sugar mammas

Post by thrifty++ »

Well I initially asked this question on here hoping for a bit of advice, but it seems like I probably have the most experience in this area.

I think that there is the potential to monetise this but you have to be pretty hard hearted. I think I am too soft to properly monetise it.

I am a gay male and have had my fair share of sugar daddies. Yet I dont actually seek out sugar daddies, it happens in a more spontaneous fashion. I have been blessed with both good looks and the motivation to obsess about my looks. I also am only exclusively attracted to older men. I am also attracted to older men who are successful. So by virtue of these things I have often ended up in sugar daddy type scenarios.

In my younger days, for the most part what I received was really trinkets. Nothing that would advance me much in an ERE sense. More trinkets and consumption items. When I was 19 I was dating a well off rally car racer who lent me a brand new Mitsubishi Evo road car to use for a couple of months when mine broke down. He got pissed off when I kept getting speeding tickets though. However there was times when I was a student and would have financial crises issues all the time that I ended up getting bailed out of, often by several hundreds of dollars at a time. So I was essentially propped up by it.

Even though I am now 35 I find that I actually tend to attract even more wealthy older men and whom want to spend money on me and its often more money, perhaps because they have a sense of awareness that I earn a decent amount of money and dinners and clothing are unlikely to mean much. I also look about 10 years younger than my age and often lie about my age because I am so insecure about it. I usually say I am 27/28. Fucked up I know.

These days I tend to meet men off the internet because I dont have time to go out alot and many of the men I meet are actually married to women. They advertise as single and then dont reveal this until later on down the track but I often find that their wives have been advised of the situation and it has been condoned. I will get a sense of whether this is correct or not based on whether they have told me all true details regarding their name, where they work, what businesses they run etc.

Bear in mind that these are men who I want to see, enjoy spending time with and want to have sex with. The money and treats comes without being asked for and is not a precondition to me seeing them.

Not too long ago one guy that I see deposited $1,500 spending money into my bank account as he knew I was going on a holiday. I never asked for it. He just asked "can I give you some money. I would like to give you some money so you can have a nice holiday. Give me you bank account details and I will put some money in". Bear in mind this same guy previously offered to gift me a deposit to buy a house, in my expensive city that is basically $180k for a deposit. I refused as it freaked me out. Hence what I said if you want to monetise it I think you need to be pretty hard. You cant be soft like I am. He has also offered to gift me $20k to take a mini retirement because he knows I want to do that which I also refused.

The hard part is also I find that when I start seeing guys who get quite emotional towards me I cant bring myself to receive much expenditure form them as I dont want to hurt them. Its the ones who are more nonchalant like the previous one I mentioned that I am comfortable to receive things from.

The worst part is what has happened to me recently. I have been dating a man for about 8 months. I didnt know it initially but have discovered he is basically a multi millionaire, Likely going into the tens and potentially hundreds of millions. I have basically fallen for him. He is very generous with money and I have indulged it. He has constantly taken me to expensive dinners and always wanted to pay for everything. He was so quick to cover everything from the start and that I found very attractive. He lives occasionally in my city and other times in Sydney, as well as other places to run his businesses. He would ask me to go see him in Sydney but due to me being so busy I had to put it off often but he paid for business class tickets a couple of times for me to go and stay with him in his penthouse apartment overlooking Sydney harbour. All expenses paid. More-so I went because I wanted to see him not because of the tickets to Sydney. He also has a penthouse apartment in my city which sits empty most of the time and he offered for me to live in it for free. I said I will think about it. I am glad I didnt take up the offer now. Basically all of these things is like throwing around 10 cent coins to him. I found this quite exciting and fascinating.

This man has a wife and kids who live in Brisbane. He is hardly ever there. He told his wife that he is gay around the time I started seeing him. They are basically in the early stages of a separation. He also revealed this to his siblings. I think it would be lying for me to deny part of the reason I fell for him was due to his wealth. His entrepreneurship and seeming limitless resources is very fascinating to me. But I also very much enjoy spending time with him and we get on extremely well. We laugh and have good conversations always. I also find him attractive and am not embarrassed to be seen with him. Although I like older men I am sometimes embarrassed to be seen with them in public because when there is an age disparity I think it makes us more likely to look gay as well as like a sugar daddy relationship, because we dont look like peers/friends. Although with him I never had such embarrassment. He is actually not that old in any event. I have never asked his real age because he is insecure about it and that is the most taboo subject among gay men, but I am pretty sure he is about 45.

So anyhow I very much have fallen for him and I became emotional about it recently and things have come to an end rather swiftly as a result in the last few days. Seriously this is almost like the real life gay version of Julia Roberts and Richard Gere. I feel like absolute shit. Not only because I fell for him but also because I now feel like such a loser. Having witnessed such wealth and limitless resources and carefree throwing around of vasts sums of money has left me feeling that way. Up until recently I was reasonably satisfied going around penny pinching and scraping together sums of money in the pursuit of middle class financial independence. But now I am feeling what have I done wrong, why have I not managed to become so successful. Why am I counting dollars and cents like ebenezer scrooge. Why am I not a multi millionaire entrepreneur. I know this is all very irrational but I can stop this playing in my head. I would like to remove these thoughts from my head. I think its the mix of rejection and comparison. Its hard not to compare yourself to who you are dating when you are the same sex. Looks, body, wealth etc.

Having had this experience makes me feel like avoiding dating wealthy men again. To feel this shit. In retrospect I feel like I wish I had used it more as a learning and educational experience to probe into his entrepreneurship secrets more.

I feel like I need to get my shit together. Being gay is hard enough but being exclusively attracted to older men is like a curse. It doesnt actually even advance me in a wealth sense. Its all just trinkets. I would actually be far better off to find a partner like me and build wealth together. And probably a far healthier more stable relationship. But to be honest it has never been about accumulating wealth. Its just that I like being spoiled. There is a romance to it. Call it "daddy issues" and I would probably agree. Although I do look good I am desperately clinging to my youthful looks, while it is slowly creeping out of my control. Obsessing by removing all carbs from my diet, making sure every day involves rigorous exercise and now even completely avoiding any alcohol for months at a time. When the light shines in certain angles I can now see a couple of grey hairs shining through. I am not sure straight men have any concept of these types of anxieties.

Well looks like I have revealed a whole hell of a lot of information. But I needed to dump this somewhere.
Last edited by thrifty++ on Wed Nov 08, 2017 7:04 pm, edited 2 times in total.

The Old Man
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Re: sugar daddies/sugar mammas

Post by The Old Man »

What is your Sugar Daddy paying for?

For those unfamiliar with sugaring, there is a belief that sugar daddies are only into their sugar babies for sex. Women who go into the bowl who do not want to be sexually intimate with their sugar daddies are regarded as naïve or not taken seriously. Any potential sugar daddy you encounter who is only seeking sex can immediately be redirected towards an escort service. But real sugar daddies aren’t paying for sex. So, what is it they’re paying for?

A legitimate sugar daddy is paying to be enchanted. He is the literal equivalent of a princess waiting to be swept off his feet, except he’s willing to pay for it. When he’s with you, you should bring something to his life that he can’t buy. Fantasy, intrigue, enchantment, intimacy, honesty…the list goes on. When you’re talking to a potential sugar daddy, you have to be able to read him very quickly. Tap into the parts of him that are hurting, malnourished, vulnerable, and at the very least, bored.

Any women can fuck him for the right price. Any woman can take his money. But you, your job is to make him fall in love every time he sees you. You’re his fantasy come to life. You make his life a little more bearable. And in turn, he looks forward to seeing you. He looks forward to making you happy and thus, is more than hand over his black AmEx to make you smile.
Came across a blog addressing the subject. The above captures the dynamic very well in my opinion.

You should also look into FinDom. This is where the real money is made.

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C40
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Re: sugar daddies/sugar mammas

Post by C40 »

Thanks for sharing, Thrifty. That's fascinating stuff.

Having seen more and more women these days with things seemingly written casually in their dating profiles like "spoil me", "looking for a daddy" "sugar daddies apply here", etc... I wonder about the financial specifics of the men in these kind of relationships.

Of the guys you've been with that have spent/given/offered you money, do you have any estimates of what percentage of their total spending they have given/spent on you (or wanted to give you, or been willing to give? Are there common amounts? What makes the % vary? (how carefree they spend? How much they are into you? if/how much access/control/exclusivity they want with you?)

Jason

Re: sugar daddies/sugar mammas

Post by Jason »

I admire your transparency. However, you are expressing universal human concerns, albeit concerns that are more pronounced in the gay community, specifically the gay male community. We both know that in your community, you were classified as old on your 26th birthday.

So in all honesty, you are not in a Julia Roberts/Richard Gere, let alone a Boy George/Gavin Rosedale* sugar daddy relationship. You are in a relationship period, with a person who has infinite resources. And he knows you are not the age you say as you know you he's not the age he says.

The question therefore, at least to me, is do you just want to have a relationship with the guy and does he want to have a relationship with you. And to me that would be much more fulfilling than the way you are trying to describe it in your post, a way that is obviously causing you a lot of discomfort.

*I had two gay friends in my 20's. We actually went to a Boy George concert. It was good I have to say. Gay guys like me because they think I am ridiculous and are absolutely repulsed by me physically. A gay man has never once tried to pick me up. Lesbians however despise me. And by despise I mean chase me across a college campus, tackle me and beat the shit out of me after a Black Uhuru concert level of despise.

thrifty++
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Re: sugar daddies/sugar mammas

Post by thrifty++ »

C40 wrote:
Wed Nov 08, 2017 4:25 pm
Of the guys you've been with that have spent/given/offered you money, do you have any estimates of what percentage of their total spending they have given/spent on you (or wanted to give you, or been willing to give?
I am trying to recollect, The most recent two are easier, The one who gave me $1,500 spending money and also gave me a $500 clothing voucher for a high end store randomly, and who wanted to give me money for a house deposit and/or semi retirement sojourn, I would estimate probably has a net worth of about $3/$4 million.

The more recent one who I have been dating for a while probably has a NW of in the tens to hundreds of millions. So the business class tickets and dinners and money spent is peanuts to him really.

Prior to those two the others have had NW I estimate ranging from $1 million to $5 million and it has all mainly been trinkets and sums of the hundreds to $1,500 at different times. It hasnt been normal that I have been offered a house deposit or tens of thousands.
C40 wrote:
Wed Nov 08, 2017 4:25 pm
Are there common amounts? What makes the % vary? (how carefree they spend? How much they are into you? if/how much access/control/exclusivity they want with you?)
The common amounts has mainly just been trinkets, holidays and money into the hundreds up to a thousand odd. So it normally hasnt been much. But I have also never consciously tried to extract money, it has just happened.

I would say what most makes the percentage vary has been based on how wealthy they are, how much they are into me and how carefree they are with money. I have never given any indication of any access or control or exclusivity. Although I did decline the house deposit as I was worried that there could be an expectation of that.
Last edited by thrifty++ on Wed Nov 08, 2017 10:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

thrifty++
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Re: sugar daddies/sugar mammas

Post by thrifty++ »

@Jason - yes true. Old age comes very quickly.

No he doesnt know my true age. People always think I am around 25 years of age. It has even been a problem in my work as I do very high end work and people look concerned when they first meet me some times as a result of thinking I just left college. However that might change quickly depending on the speed of grey hair growth, Bah grey hairs! Sigh. I was thinking maybe I could spot paint them before I go out if they start to accumulate. I have lied to him quite a few times about my age. I am slightly terrified of him finding out my real age as I know he likes young guys. Oh well I have made my bed I will have to lie in it. But he lied initially about being single for a couple of months which is much worse IMO. He lies about his age on the internet but told me that he is older than his lied age. But he didnt say exactly what age and I didnt want to ask as I dont care and he is obviously uncomfortable about it.

The answer to whether I want a relationship with him and he wants one with me is I dont know and I dont know. Since originally making this post I have had a phone conversation with him and we have patched things up. So it continues for now. But TBH I am quite intimidated by the scale of his wealth and it is making me insecure and I find it stressful. Also the fact he is segueing out of a marriage means he is quite volatile and naive with what he wants and is seeking. So that is stressful to manage as well. But I havent been interested in anyone for a couple of years and we get on extremely well and have a lot of fun.

7Wannabe5
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Re: sugar daddies/sugar mammas

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

thrifty++ wrote: It doesnt actually even advance me in a wealth sense. Its all just trinkets. I would actually be far better off to find a partner like me and build wealth together. And probably a far healthier more stable relationship. But to be honest it has never been about accumulating wealth. Its just that I like being spoiled. There is a romance to it.
Absolutely agree. I offer sincere thanks for your sharing, because so much of what you wrote is very much like what I have experienced in my dating relationships since my mid-life divorce 10 years ago, but I have only been half able to form the thought you so clearly expressed here. Because I am hyper-sexual (when not suffering from dull functional depression, like maybe I am now?), I have sometimes described myself as being like a young gay male bottom (I hope this is not rude phrase) trapped in an aging zaftig female body. (Although, obviously, this is not a huge problem in mate acquisition, because even though I am so old,chubby and messy, I myself think that I currently look like trailer-trash Mrs. Santa Claus (blech), I still get blatantly hit on by the sort of sickos who appreciate that aesthetic. )

One thing I would suggest would be to be careful to not casually dismiss or categorize the relationships your lover(s) have with their wives. Even strictly heterosexual men who are dominant and resource-laden will often tend towards what I think of as a big-sister/little-sister poly-amorous split in their functioning. Sometimes it "pays" better, or at least different, to be the partner who is appreciated-although-perhaps-not-thoroughly-adored than to be the partner who-is-adored-although-perhaps-not-fully-appreciated. The funny thing is that I am currently being "paid" in the role of big-sister in relationship to an affluent politically conservative man who is attempting to come out of the closet as bi-sexual, and is therefore projecting his desire to date younger men on to me. Hey, what can I say, I'm a pantheist who likes free symphony tickets. #beyondallpossibilityofreform

Jason

Re: sugar daddies/sugar mammas

Post by Jason »

(@) Thrifty.

Fair enough. Good luck whatever happens.

thrifty++
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Re: sugar daddies/sugar mammas

Post by thrifty++ »

@7w5 I think we are cosmic twins in separate bodies.
It sounds like we are dating the same men.

I think the ERE thing actually sends funny signals to people. I am regularly mistaken by them as being poor because of my frugal habits. I have seen a building contractor on and off since I was 21. I worked for him in the university holidays one year. He gave me various wads of cash when I had financial crises during university. Thats the thing I never ask for cash now because I dont need it so it seems bizarre to ask and then plug it into more investments. I only receive actual money these days when it is unsolicited. I can only get away with lying about my age so much to him because I have seen him for 14 years so I think when he asked I said 32 or something like that. Its funny because of my frugal habits he forgets my age and what I do for work and says things like how is university going? Have you finished all your papers yet? I was talking to him about how I hated the couch in the living room when we were sitting on it and that I sat on an amazing couch in a store nearby but didnt buy it because it cost $2k. Next thing you know he turns up at my place with the couch! He still sees me as the penniless young man needing to be looked after.

Lemon
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Re: sugar daddies/sugar mammas

Post by Lemon »

Thank you for sharing Thrifty.

I share you lamentation that so many seem hung up on age in the gay world. Not that I have experienced any of these issues myself where I get estimated about my actual age or slightly younger and only having just passed the dreaded 25 years mark. I don't quite get it myself having never been bothered about it. I say that as someone with a younger partner which more freaks be out as he is a couple of months younger than my brother :?

It is easy for me to say but why continue to lie about age, at least with anyone potentially new? It just seems to me to be something that can then present issues down the line.

Maybe this is naive but if it bothers you can't you dye grey hairs?
thrifty++ wrote:
Wed Nov 08, 2017 2:58 pm
It doesnt actually even advance me in a wealth sense. Its all just trinkets. I would actually be far better off to find a partner like me and build wealth together. And probably a far healthier more stable relationship. But to be honest it has never been about accumulating wealth. Its just that I like being spoiled. There is a romance to it.
This is almost certainly true.


@7wb5 ha not not a rude phrase and apt in this situation, at least form where I am standing!
Last edited by Lemon on Thu Nov 09, 2017 2:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

thrifty++
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Re: sugar daddies/sugar mammas

Post by thrifty++ »

@Crazylemon - sounds like your head is well screwed on.

Yeah its hard for me to stop lying about age. I did so to my last partner and then revealed my lie to him about 8 months later. He just started laughing about it and then said he actually felt better about it as he was feeling insecure about the age disparity. I guess my concern is that if I reveal my real age there will be less interest. Or if there is still interest that I will cease to be spoiled and the romance will be dead for me and I will be bored. But I think I need probably come to grips with the fact I am too old for this now and need to move on from it somehow. This is not an uncommon thing in the gay world though. You only need to go to an online dating app or platform to realise that at least half the people have discounted their age by a huge margin or have ceased to state any age. You get to notice the ubiquitous 27, 28 and 29's.

In terms of dying hair I have thought about it but I have a short back and sides hairstyle which would mean regularly dying it. Which would suck. It could also look really stupid if the hair dye is not close enough to my natural colour and when lots of grey starts to come up in the roots. It is not really noticeable at this point in any event - yet. But I was thinking maybe of spot dying. Donnt know how that works. Might have to look into it. I have noticed lots of young guys with graying hair though, like 27/28. I actually think grey hair can look pretty cool so I guess its not all bad. Professionally it would be of great benefit work wise.

The Old Man
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Re: sugar daddies/sugar mammas

Post by The Old Man »

thrifty++ wrote:
Wed Nov 08, 2017 2:58 pm
Its just that I like being spoiled. There is a romance to it. Call it "daddy issues" and I would probably agree.
You are 35 and you still like being spoiled? You should seek therapy. If you don't want to pay for it, you can request one of your older richer boyfriends to pay for it.

7Wannabe5
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Re: sugar daddies/sugar mammas

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

@thrifty++:

It does sound like we attract similar types, and I know just what you mean by your use of the word "spoiled." It's not really about the money. It's just like when a guy gives you his jacket to wear because it's chilly or fixes your bicycle. You don't think an egalitarian relationship between two people with twin attributes would feel as romantic because you wouldn't have as many "gifts' to offer each other, because it would be a neutral benefit of trade situation.

tradfgh
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Re: sugar daddies/sugar mammas

Post by tradfgh »

If your young, just go marry a filipina in a nursing school, wait for her to graduate, and then move to usa...

You may have to support her for 1-2 years, but as long as she gets her RN license approved in USA, she will pay back huge dividends!

James_0011
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Re: sugar daddies/sugar mammas

Post by James_0011 »

lol @ RNs making huge amounts of money

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