How to be alone but not lonely?

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enigmaT120
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Re: How to be alone but not lonely?

Post by enigmaT120 »

My life doesn't have a narrative, it's just stuff sometimes happening and sometimes me doing stuff. I didn't care for the article Ego linked to.

slowtraveler
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Re: How to be alone but not lonely?

Post by slowtraveler »

Introverted interpersonal.

The tendencies were at the tip of my tongue but I genuinely feel something clicked with that post.

Thanks Jacob.

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Ego
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Re: How to be alone but not lonely?

Post by Ego »

enigmaT120 wrote:My life doesn't have a narrative, it's just stuff sometimes happening and sometimes me doing stuff. I didn't care for the article Ego linked to.
You are "script free". As it should be.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Script_analysis

herp
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Re: How to be alone but not lonely?

Post by herp »

jacob wrote:
Mon Mar 13, 2017 2:09 pm
introverted interpersonal - Homebody. This is someone who needs other people but in small doses. A few very good friends who don't need to be present at all times. Small parties. Sign up for a class. It will then be possible to be alone without feeling lonely for a few days to a week or more.
This fits me quite well. The very rare dash of social butterfly can be hugely stimulating to me, though.

I find it much more rewarding to talk to other people than myself, but I don't enjoy being around too many people all the time. One on one or small groups I do best with.

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fiby41
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Re: How to be alone but not lonely?

Post by fiby41 »

I'm not saying I'm any good at it but.,
Cultivating relationships where you have access to the other person when you want but avoiding access to you when you don't want it.

People generally assume that if you disturb them they can disturb you anytime too and they won't let you disturb them if you don't let them disturb you.

It's hard to explain to them that it's not that I don't like wasting time/doing fun things, it's just that I don't want to waste time with them. And it is not their fault, I just like to waste time alone.
Sorry if it comes out condescending.

Maybe join a class or go where people go to do things you enjoy anyway.

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TheWanderingScholar
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Re: How to be alone but not lonely?

Post by TheWanderingScholar »

frihet wrote:
Sat Mar 11, 2017 4:08 pm
Go on meditation retreats.

Goenka vipassana is an ere friendly choice as you pay what ever you want afterwards. They also enforce strict discipline when it comes to talking, in fact you are not even allowed eye contact.

10 days well spent.
That sounds awesome. Saving this for later.

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fiby41
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Re: How to be alone but not lonely?

Post by fiby41 »

Forum member Liberate Mind has been documenting her experience with Vipassanna for quite some time time (2 years?) You can check her journal for its effects on one's mindfulness.

7Wannabe5
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Re: How to be alone but not lonely?

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

The meditation tapes my stress-puppy BF listens to talk about 3 fields of relationship, which would be your relationship with yourself, your relationships with known intimates, and your relationship with the broader human field. He has difficulty tuning out the broader human field, whereas I sometimes have difficulty tuning into it. Always on alert vs. walking around in a daze/fog. So, when I listened to his tapes which are meant to help people relax in relationship to the human field, my response was along the lines of "obviously", "duh", and "of course."

OTOH, I recently read a list on the topic of how to determine whether you are more INTP or ENTP in your functioning, and although I generally test borderline, I recognized myself as being clearly more ENTP than INTP in the vast majority of the differences listed. One of the differences is that an ENTP prefers to be alone with her books and thoughts, but have other people nearby, so that when she gets to a place in her reading/thinking that suggests an idea she feels compelled to share there is somebody around upon whom she can inflict her need to babble. An INTP prefers to be strictly, literally alone because detests having train of thought, castle of ideas formation interrupted in any fashion. So, reading this was helpful for me in figuring out why I was having some difficulty with spending time alone in my garden-camper. A better internet connection ( so I can inflict ideas upon you guys and other internet sites-bwah-ha-ha), a better organized journal practice, patterned visitations to nearby cafe or other 3rd spaces, or developing a one-sided crazy lady conversational relationship with the many homeless cats who consider my territory to be their own might help.

Takeaway being that there might be similar rules-of-thumb for any other type of person in regard to social-functioning vs. solitude. However, this may prove more difficult for some very socially oriented types, such as OP, whom I have crudely and rudely identified and declared to be the Achiever on the cusp of the Helper.

TopHatFox
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Re: How to be alone but not lonely?

Post by TopHatFox »

I can relate to introverted interpersonal the most.

I do find the list of people I interact with is declining quickly as I age, deliberately so. My care for public sphere opinions is also declining at a noticeable rate. The ultimate goal for me, and perhaps for some of you, is to be able to be totally fine over long periods without the verbal validation/affection/company of even known intimates, but to still enjoy these qualities if they're there.

Is that too tall a goal?

classical_Liberal
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Re: How to be alone but not lonely?

Post by classical_Liberal »

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