Do you lie to people about your ERE/Frugal behaviors?

How to pass, fit in, eventually set an example, and ultimately lead the way.
Dragline
Posts: 4436
Joined: Wed Aug 24, 2011 1:50 am

Re: Do you lie to people about your ERE/Frugal behaviors?

Post by Dragline »

FrugalFred wrote:I went out with colleagues one night and we got talking about money. I told them I save 90% of my pay check. "What are you saving for?" one girl asked. "A vacation?"

"Financial freedom."

"What do you mean?" another girl asked. "Do your parents control your finances or something?"

"No." Then my voice got really solemn. "What I mean is the freedom to not work. To spend my time however I choose. To not have to answer to anyone ever again."

Silence and blank stares.

"I mean I have my eye on this wicked new Cadillac and shiet lelz."

Nods of approval and chuckles.

I've become extremely adept at blending in.
:lol:

TopHatFox
Posts: 2322
Joined: Thu Oct 17, 2013 10:07 pm
Location: FL; 25

Re: Do you lie to people about your ERE/Frugal behaviors?

Post by TopHatFox »

For friends/strangers/co-workers (depending), I just say I have "enough" and I'm living a "great" life, rattling off hiking, reading, friends, home-cooked food, free-time, goals, etc.

For close friends, I've been more specific, pointing them to PF literature or podcasts. Many of my male close friends are 30+ interestingly, so I've been able to share PF knowledge as they've shared life experiences/learnings.

For partners and immediate family, I sell the FIRE dream and try my best to get them on board.

Throughout I emphasize that life is personal and these decisions are personal, and try my best not to cast negative judgement.

------

SUPER IMPORTANT: I try my best to not rub savings/investments in people's faces. I think that behavior is unkind, invites jealousy and resentment, and makes one look like a know-it-all. Many people might not be ere or perma-travel minded, but they can teach a lot about, say, building a house, starting a radio show, tailoring clothing, etc.

I also try to think of the sociological influences that keep the masses consuming. This frees me from negatively judging their individual actions; many (most?) people are a product of the system and support-community in which they live. It is a rare, in many ways privileged few that have the education and internal resolve to join communities such as this one and execute a lifestyle that goes against the zeitgeist of the time.

Farm_or
Posts: 412
Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2016 8:57 am
Contact:

Re: Do you lie to people about your ERE/Frugal behaviors?

Post by Farm_or »

When I feel compelled to tell less than the whole truth, an automatic buzzer goes off in my head.

Is it that sneaky ego that i want to kill anyway?

Am I acting inappropriately?

Commitment to honesty is a commitment to doing the right thing. If you still do wrong, for whatever reason (being flawed human) you might as well deal with it sooner than later.

The best thing about taking thinking time is it creates an awful uncomfortable long pause in the conversation. People don't like pauses in conversation, sometimes reveal more about their level of understanding.

A lot of people are dumbfounded by the ideas of responsible people working to escape the rat race instead of living to buy the latest fashion. Do I want to contribute to their ignorance with a lie?

Lemon
Posts: 261
Joined: Sat May 30, 2015 2:29 am

Re: Do you lie to people about your ERE/Frugal behaviors?

Post by Lemon »

Work Colleagues, no outright lying but they don't know the complete end goal or exactly how much gets saved. They do know my contempt for the career ladder process though!

Parents know that I have no intention of working as long or hard as they did. But I haven't played out a 'probably not working in the traditional sense after 35' which would likely leave them sleepless. They know roughly how much I currently have stashed although I will be obscuring that from now on.

Partner knows although believed in the moral value of work. I have attempted to correct this character defect :lol:

thrifty++
Posts: 1171
Joined: Sat May 23, 2015 3:46 pm

Re: Do you lie to people about your ERE/Frugal behaviors?

Post by thrifty++ »

No I dont lie about it. I find myself talking about it more frequently since frugality is becoming an increasingly prevalent part of my life. Most people dont like it. Xmas day everyone was wandering around drinking $70 a bottle french champagne and I was drinking home brew. No sense hiding it. I only have one real world friend who has similar leanings.

vezkor
Posts: 90
Joined: Tue Mar 22, 2016 9:51 am

Re: Do you lie to people about your ERE/Frugal behaviors?

Post by vezkor »

@olaz

I do something very similar. Since I'm 27 and still in the accumulation phase, I'll often say 3 different truthful things depending on how close to somebody I am.

Coworkers: I'm saving up so that I have enough cash to transition later in case this role goes away/changes/they give us an unbearable boss etc.
Friends you hang out with: I'm saving up so that I can quit my job and then possibly do something 20 hours a week/part time/my own business etc.
Parents, wife, sisters: The full ERE/FIRE dream complete with links to blog posts and grand plans about living off of passive income.
Last edited by vezkor on Thu Jul 30, 2020 9:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

Annemarie
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Oct 29, 2016 11:16 am

Re: Do you lie to people about your ERE/Frugal behaviors?

Post by Annemarie »

No. It is not something most people are asking about either.

JamesR
Posts: 947
Joined: Sun Apr 21, 2013 9:08 pm

Re: Do you lie to people about your ERE/Frugal behaviors?

Post by JamesR »

I would tell my mom or my grandma that I slept in the car if it came up in the convo. I'd tell them "Oh yeah, I slept in the car last night. It was grrrrreeeeat, been a long time since I tried that but man was it neat to do again!" IMO, you're doing a disservice to your parents/grandparents if you lie about things like that, and furthermore lying about it results in shallower relationships. The excuse of trying to reduce their worrying is nonsensical, and of course they're gonna worry anyways, but if you're just upfront about these things they get used to your particular 'quirks'.

Salathor
Posts: 394
Joined: Fri Dec 18, 2015 11:49 am
Location: California, USA

Re: Do you lie to people about your ERE/Frugal behaviors?

Post by Salathor »

Since this post was dredged up, I just read it for the first time and saw that it was C40 who was the OP! Have your family and friends had anything to say about your van adventure, now that you're a good few months in? I imagine you aren't telling them you're couchsurfing your way around the US. ;-)

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