Investment in Aesthetics

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7Wannabe5
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Re: Investment in Aesthetics

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

@Peanut: Good suggestion on the brows. I decided to search for how one of my style icons used to do her brows and came across this:

Image

Yup, polyamory is basically the set fate of the curvy female of Eastern European heritage. Now I'm thinking that all I need to do is buy a decent brow pencil, a box of super-ultra-platinum hair color, and some hot pink capri pants. Then I will NEVER be mistaken for a well-maintained woman from the affluent suburbs, but I will still get what I want.

7Wannabe5
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Re: Investment in Aesthetics

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

@EdithKeeler: Good suggestion, but I already have somebody on call for massage. You could still be the "clingy" partner even if you only see him 4x year. I would eventually become completely distracted and forget about a man under those circumstances. So, it might just be that you are continually paying attention to the relationship. I would let that one go if I were you. Bajillion other fish in the sea, and many of them are mighty tasty.

EdithKeeler
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Re: Investment in Aesthetics

Post by EdithKeeler »

o, it might just be that you are continually paying attention to the relationship. I would let that one go if I were you. Bajillion other fish in the sea, and many of them are mighty tasty.
You may be right.

7Wannabe5
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Re: Investment in Aesthetics

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

@EdithKeeler: Sorry to be so nosy in your business, but you remind me so much of my daughter. She ran the lemonade stand at her nursery school when she was 3, and is already on her third promotion at her first employer 3 years out of college. She is such an old soul, her favorite TV show when she was 5 was "Murder She Wrote." The two of you must have the exact same MBTI score. Unfortunately, she also has a rather silly mother and a not-always-gainfully employed brother. So, I want you to end up with the adult equivalent of the sturdy little boy with puppy dog eyes who arrived at my back kitchen door every afternoon for a week to bring my 6 year old daughter her homework (which she would never, ever neglect herself), and inquire about the state of her health. You need to be with somebody who will always make sure you have a birthday cake, so your silly old mother can fall over into her final compost heap with no remaining worries. I'm thinking XNFP. Like maybe he works as a counselor and basketball coach at a community center, and he has converted his old wooden garage into a lovely pottery studio. On your first date, he will bring you some violets in a small vase he fashioned. Some ambitious, self-involved, doesn't-sleep-in-the-same-bed-as-you type. No. No. No.

7Wannabe5
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Re: Investment in Aesthetics

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

Ego said: Okay, so I'm dumber than a rock
That's okay. Mrs. Ego's got that ground covered. You just need to be the rock ;)

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fiby41
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Re: Investment in Aesthetics

Post by fiby41 »

I was playing hide-and-seek + peek-a-boo with my cousins when I bumped into a sharp object in the bone area behind my eyebrow when I was small. The healed wound left a scar where, in one of my eyebrow it splits into two and joins back at the end. After some time of getting hang of using a trimmer, I cut out the lower end of the split eyebrow so now both eyebrows look mostly the same.

That is as far as I am going/only thing I've done to look aesthetically pleasing.

EdithKeeler
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Re: Investment in Aesthetics

Post by EdithKeeler »

Like maybe he works as a counselor and basketball coach at a community center, and he has converted his old wooden garage into a lovely pottery studio. On your first date, he will bring you some violets in a small vase he fashioned. Some ambitious, self-involved, doesn't-sleep-in-the-same-bed-as-you type. No. No. No.
I'll start looking! ;)

Riggerjack
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Re: Investment in Aesthetics

Post by Riggerjack »

According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 1.50, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 1.83, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).


Once again, far from balanced. I expect my results would be different in previous relationships.

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Ego
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Re: Investment in Aesthetics

Post by Ego »

Yes, It's Your Parents Fault....
http://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/07/opini ... fault.html

“If you’re securely attached, that’s great, because you have the expectation that if you are distressed you will be able to turn to someone for help and feel you can be there for others,” said Miriam Steele, the co-director of the Center for Attachment Research at the New School for Social Research in New York.

It’s not so great if you are one of the 40 percent to 50 percent of babies who, a meta-analysis of research indicates, are insecurely attached because their early experiences were suboptimal (their caregivers were distracted, overbearing, dismissive, unreliable, absent or perhaps threatening). “Then you have to earn your security,” Dr. Steele said, by later forming secure attachments that help you override your flawed internal working model.

Given that the divorce rate is also 40 percent to 50 percent, it would seem that this is not an easy task. Indeed, researchers said, people who have insecure attachment models tend to be drawn to those who fit their expectations, even if they are treated badly.


In the article they provide a link to that attachment test...
http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl

TopHatFox
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Re: Investment in Aesthetics

Post by TopHatFox »

:P I actually like your system of providing endearing nicknames, that is a lot more human than the oft misunderstood "secondary partner", "polyamour", and "primary partner" label sets. Maybe I'll adapt my system.

For now, I've still been using something like this as a guideline to organize friend and romantic love and succesfully explain it to other people:

1. Strangers
2. Acquaintences (includes "hook-ups")
3. Friends
4. Close Friends
5. Affectionate Close friends (a.k.a SPs)
6. Primary Partner(s)
7. Life Partner(s)

I find affectionate close friend is a lot easier to understand than polyamour, and the person doesn't feel like they need to identify as poly to use it. Also, none of the labels are meant to be hierarchal nor prescribe a strict norm set; they're meant to get a conversation on what is wanted started. I do wonder if I can make the labels clearer so as to not have to explain what they mean if used in passing.

7Wannabe5
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Re: Investment in Aesthetics

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

@Ego: Interesting. It has been my experience that being in relationship with somebody with dysfunctional attachment can eventually drive you there too. My ex has a smothering mother who is also quite thin-skinned in her emotional reactivity (I actually liked her as a mother-in-law/friend.)After umpteen years of marriage, I finally had this moment of clarity in which I realized he was subconsciously trying to get me to behave like her. We probably would have divorced much sooner if I wasn't rather bouncy-up in temperament and well-bonded with my own father. An interesting note is that it was eventually revealed that the likely reason why my ex-MIL was so smothering as a mother was that she had an affair with a black man who attended her college on scholarship in the late 1950s, and was forced to give up the child she conceived for adoption.

OTOH, I think attachment theory has limited applicability to failure of egalitarian adult pair-bond relationships and/or the cultural/economic institution of marriage. IOW, affectionate love isn't the only glue that holds marriages together, and lack or difficulties with it is not the only thing that pulls marriages apart. For not so common instance, I dated a man whose wife had left him to become a Buddhist nun.

@Olaz: Unfortunately your guidelines would work only very imperfectly to describe my current state of affairs. The partner whom I refer to as my BF (because we spend a great deal of time together engaging in activities that match that role and are currently de facto or default monogamous) is still in love with an ex. The partner who is still in love with me is currently in polyamorous marital therapy with his wife in the hopes that he can reconcile her to his desire to have a continuing relationship with me. The partner with whom I was previously engaged mostly on the level of lust remains highly engaged with me on my major ongoing perma-culture project. So, I really don't know which one I would refer to as my primary partner because I would have to make a different call on the basis of simple proximity vs. romantic attachment vs. shared-equity-future-plans. I was in a bit of an out-of-sorts muddle about this recently, and actually made first move towards ending things with BF in order to clean slate, but now I am feeling a bit more philosophical and cheerful, because I am definitely net-benefiting from each of these relationships, so maybe I don't really need to fix the situation.

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fiby41
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Re: Investment in Aesthetics

Post by fiby41 »

Recommended reading: The Philosophy of Aesthetics

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