Let's Do It Again.

[lost_the_path]

My introduction covered most of what this journal is supposed to be about, so I'll just say it's a matter achieving ERE, then losing myself back into mainstream living, understanding why that happened and how to prevent it from happening again, and now, finding my way back to a new version of ERE that fits my current life. I expect this to be long and babbling, not too fascinating for anyone but me but I need some sort of public record of accountability, so here we go.

The first obvious question is, how will I know when I'm back. What I'm looking for is a grounded certainty that my ERE life is safe - that it really, really works, that I know how to "do it", and that my life affords me the ability to do it. I want to feel that my work toward maintaining ERE actually pays off in a life that I love, not that it's an added chore on top of all the mainstream bs I seem to have accumulated since marrying. I know that marriage is a compromise and I'm not ready to walk away, but I have got to get out from under some of this added weight. Being a mainstream "SAHS" is actively no more enjoyable than being any other kind of worker bee right now, and it's unpaid servitude as opposed to the other kind where at least there's a paycheck. Not liking it.

My First Three Goals:

1. Practice NOT making commitments into the future. I watch as the calendar pages unroll in front of me and my spouse takes up a virtual Sharpie and marks them up, every day, before i can get to them. Then I feel like "I promised", and so whatever non-ERE thing is on there, I feel obligated to get past that before embarking on my own ERE renewal program. Just Say No, prescription for the co-dependent personality, haha. At some point I need to be strong enough to say yes to some of it and then stand firm about my limits, but first, a little clear space please! The next five days contain only one promise, beyond that I'm going to mark up my own calendar.

2. Take back control of my body. This one is on me, both the mistakes / neglect and the work to be done, it's not about spouse issues. Growing old is not for sissies, and growing decidedly middle aged is not for the lazy. I need to eat what I need to eat. I need to move, and get more energy, strength, stamina. And I'd like to ease back into feeling presentable, without overspending or getting caught up in marketing hype. I want to lose 5 pounds without radical yo-yo inducing dieting.

3. I need to do an overhaul of my finances. The first step in knowing if it's 'working' is pulling out the spreadsheets and seeing what's really going on. By the end of the week I want a to-the-penny accounting of my net worth. I also want to see if I can find a useful ERE 'program'. If anyone out there is actually reading this, should I get one of Jacob's books?

[steveo73]

I just read this and it sounds interesting to me. This is my take only however I believe that life and ERE all sort of flow together. That means that in my opinion you can't just follow someone else's approach but you have to mould it to yourself.

You could get Jacob's book. I've read it and I liked it however I don't think he really gives a program. There was a post recently about his program (probably from ages ago) that basically said move close to work in a smaller place and at least ditch one car. I like the idea of creating a system that works for you. You can also track some figure or figures. I like to track my WR and savings rate. I track a lot of stuff but those to me are the key drivers that I like to track. I also try and look at expenses that come up and think can I cut those back. I have 3 kids and they spend money in my opinion frivolously. I can't really control that though and so I basically ignore it.

[JamesR]

He just has the one book, and it's worth it.

You might also check out MrMoneyMustache's blog posts, his writings might be easier for you and your significant other to come to terms with. Links to the 'best of' here: http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/welcom ... -mustache/

[lost_the_path]

Oh, I love MMM. Perhaps you're right, the MMM approach is a lot less radical than early retirement EXTREME. I just ... I loved the radical part of it. That yes, I'd be willing to both restructure my life AND give up things that don't fit, mainstream as they might be. I'd be willing to count pennies and live a $10K lifestyle rather than having a $60K income and looking for ways to save $300. I don't quite know why, but that super small scale life appeals to me so much. Maybe because I know I can always find a way to make $10K, but I don't know with the same certainty that I can always find a way to make $60K.

[lost_the_path]

ETA: you're probably right about MMM being a better compromise, though. If I rely on an MMM lifestyle, is it also ok to RELY on my partner for $50K out of the $60 if things go wrong?

[thrifty++]

Great to hear you are getting back on track LTP. My favourite thing about starting out at a new plan from square one is the marginal returns to scale. Its easy to get the big gains in the beginning. Its so much easier to jump savings from 10% to 30% than from 60% to 65%!

I am curious to hear you story about your transition from ERE to consumption and back to ERE again if you don't mind sharing. What was your net worth at previous ERE and what is it now?

[lost_the_path]

My net worth now and then aren't very different, about 750K plus real estate. Part of the problem is that this number should have increased to closer to 1M over this time period, instead it's been completely flat. But the big difference is the marriage. Having a partner with a completely different lifestyle bleeds over into what I spend and do with my time. At some point I began feeling that I might as well not have lived the previous 10 years, I might as well never have made the sacrifices or the discoveries or the inroads I did, because all of this is so irrelevant to the other person's understanding of how to live. I got so depressed and frustrated that I stopped paying attention. So it's not exactly that I'm not ERE now, but I'm lost as far as understanding what my plan is supposed to look like, or where I am on the path.

Still angry, still depressed, still frustrated, but ready to feel something else.

[7Wannabe5]

I feel for you. I am totally in fear of some more conventional guy sucking me into a relationship in which I will end up spending my life energy helping him take care of all his stuff. Even if there was some kind of cleaning service thrown into the deal, just having to lounge around and make myself available would slowly drive me insane. My current solution is polyamory. YMMV.

[steveo73]

This makes me realize how difficult it can be to have a traditional marriage/partnership if you are frugal. My wife is frugal but I worry when we quit work she will need to do stuff and therefore use money to stay busy.