Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

How to pass, fit in, eventually set an example, and ultimately lead the way.
Summer
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Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by Summer »

I think everybody is referring to this one thing. There is actually a local politician where I live that is famous for this. He is known for listening for and agreeing with everyone. But when it comes to doing something, he does what he wants. Everybody else who thought they influenced him when he agreed with them is then left thinking how badly he fooled them. I absolutely love him as a politician and have been voting for him all my life in good times and bad. I don't know what it is called as a life philosophy to do that and if you know please enlighten me. I have given up the need for one liners after much thought and deliberation. One more thing though, how do I practice this in reality?

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C40
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Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by C40 »

Robert Downy Jr. Does this perfectly well in some of his movies. Someone will tell him "you can't do that" or something similar. He just smiles at them and maybe winks or says "thank you" or "oh really?". Then he goes ahead and does it.

He doesn't insult them verbally or hurt their feelings. He's just confident enough in his convictions to not be concerned about their opinions of what he can or should do.

When you talk to people who disagree, they just see it as talk. When they see you actually doing it* - that's when they realize you were right.

* As Jacob said, especially when they see you doing things that they wish they could do themselves, such as long term travel.

FrugalWad
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Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by FrugalWad »

I tend to go for the smartass:

I monetize economic valuations on an as-needed basis to generate revenue for a small non-profit that helps the disenfranchised to lead what simple life they can. It's hugely rewarding.

I live on an alternative revenue stream. But that's all of us, right, swimming upstream, trying to make the best of what we can?

I just generally try to be awesome, day-to-day. It pays well.

I signed an NDA. If you want to spend the rest of your life behind bars with me, I'll tell you. But I'm telling you right now, one of us will have to be the bitch, and it won't be me.

Q: What do you do for a living?
A: Whatever the hell I want. *take another sip of beer*

Carlos
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Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by Carlos »

I recently quit my job so I've faced the issue of what to tell people quite often. I'm 43 years old but people say I look young for my age. Either way I'm way too young to be " retired" to most people. I've tried various responses with friends and random strangers I've met as I've traveled around Asia this summer.

When I tell a stranger in polite conversation that I'm retired the person usually looks confused for a minute (not the expected response). I'm asked what I used to do for a living and the conversation usually dies. I prefer to not call attention to my relative wealth so I usually don't tell people I'm retired.

For other strangers in passing conversation I usually just say I'm not working at the moment (leaves the timeline open-ended) and I received a generous severance. This is the most fruitful response if you want to continue getting to know the person as the conversation inevitably leads to what one would do with a year or two free from work. People can generally relate to a severance and being " lucky" enough to not work for a year or so.

For friends I usually dance around the issue and say I'll look for a job next year or when I've recharged my batteries; some of my closest know my NW and that I may not have a formal job again (maybe just 2 friends I've told). My father asked if I had a timeline for getting another job (he's quite worried) and I told him that I will when I find something interesting to do, money isn't the limiting factor or dictate of my timeline as I've saved enough to not have to work assuming a modest lifestyle.

Summer
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Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by Summer »

I've come across another related issue as with telling people about ERE. That is telling people what I do for a living. Like many of your discussed. Last month or so, I went to the local telecoms office and the customer service person was quite helpful even though I had many issues to resolve with the mobile, internet and digital TV plans I have. He at last asked me "What do you do for a living?" and I said "I am a private investor". It was just out of the blue I got that term private investor into my head. Both individual investor and private investor would work but I like private investor better. When I really retire, I will say "I am a retired private investor". Of course, if you really want to play down your wealth for some reason, you can say you are an Individual Investor or a Minority Investor. This works for me because I look young to be retired in the usual sense of the word retired. If I tell the above to my relations for instance, they will ask what it entails. But I will tell them that its about PM.

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Sclass
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Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by Sclass »

It's really hard to get ahead financially if you're worried about what people think of you. Same goes for trying to spontaneously come up with excellent quips.

Chad
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Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by Chad »

Sclass wrote:Same goes for trying to spontaneously come up with excellent quips.
Very true. No matter how good you are at it some will fall flat and maybe even accidently cause offense. But, it's more fun to try, than not.

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jennypenny
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Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by jennypenny »

I hate the 'What do you do?' question. I used to tap dance around it, but now I'll say something like "I'm a professional clown." As the person stammers for a response, I'll say I'm just kidding and I'm not working right now (even though I am, but really, why is it any of their business what I do?). Usually that directs the conversation towards clowns and not my employment status.

When people press me on why I don't work much or why DH is going to retire soon (again, why is it their business??), I just give a short answer about how we're concerned about the environment, and we are more comfortable reducing our consumption and learning to do more ourselves. If the group I'm in is conservative/religious, I use that angle to explain why we're taking care of what God has given us. If it's a different crowd, I just say that we are doing what we can to reduce our footprint and we're challenging ourselves to see how far we can take it. That usually opens the door for people to say what they do to reduce their own footprint and turn the discussion back towards them.

The one problem we've run across is people (mostly family) criticizing DH for retiring instead of spending more on the kids. It's seen as selfish. THAT pisses me off and I usually jump in to defend him in a not-so-polite fashion. He's better at dealing with it by jokingly agreeing with them that our poor kids are neglected ne'er-do-wells who have to glean the local fields to find something to eat.

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GandK
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Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by GandK »

Sclass wrote:It's really hard to get ahead financially if you're worried about what people think of you.
This is very true, but there are many ways of dealing with this worry, and the path you'll take is largely down to personality.

@OP:

Most people who hang out in this forum are Rationals (NT, see Jacob's breakdown of this here), and their advice for dealing with others' opinions is always somewhere on the "ignore it" spectrum, because that's the shortest distance between two points in their world. But personally, I can't do that. It's impossible for me not be concerned about what people think of me, my choices and my life. I'm an Idealist (NF), and we experience ourselves as being part of a social whole. Sometimes that feels good, like being part of an amazing team, and sometimes it feels suckish, like being stuck at a terrible party and never being able to leave. But the feeling that you're one tiny piece of a whole, and that improving the whole for the good of the whole is the best possible use of your life, never leaves an Idealist. So I can't just ignore the feedback of the other cells in the organism. Dealing with perceived criticism to me, therefore, comes down to spin: Your listener also has needs. The same needs that you have, most likely. To anyone who's not simply being impertinent, explaining kindly - without evangelizing, jargon or minutae - how your choices are meeting your own needs is usually met with curiosity, and then with hesitant support. That's been my experience, anyway.

However! It's important to distinguish, no matter what your life paradigm is, between your self-conscious feeling that "I'm different" and the number of times other people perceive you as such. As someone said earlier, most people are too consumed with their own affairs to pay much attention to yours. They will probably only do so if you are seen to be doing noticeably better than they are, or noticeably worse. If you do not behave in an outwardly different manner it is probable that you will avoid these questions entirely.

Summer
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Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by Summer »

Chad wrote:But, it's more fun to try, than not.
Certainly.

@GandK and @jennypenny, I don't. I have decided not to after more pondering than I have done for many other things. The last post I made said that and said what I say when I encounter the what do you do for a living question. As for my personality it is characterised as ENTP-A or debater argumentative verity. I am extroverted and argumentative and definitely not introverted like most of you guys and girls. Like you said, that is probably why I don't identify with some of these things completely. But I have learnt to take nothing at face value and appreciate everything for what it is, unique.

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Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by jacob »

bryan wrote:@jacob have you met many readers in person? Regularly? These days? I've been really curious what you're like in person..
Off-topic ...

I haven't been keeping track, but I've been to maybe 10-15 meetups sporting typically 10-15 people in either a park or someone's home, so 100-200 peeps total. I've regularly met and become good IRL friends with a handful of ERE peeps. I'd love to meet more.

I did regular mettups in CA but I've never arranged a Chicago ERE meetup. I probably should. However, I've been to two MMM meetups i Chitown. Those MMMs are slightly different people but still cool. One Wheaton level difference, typically.

People say I'm more "mellow" IRL, which is either disappointing or reassuring, depending on individual perspective---keep in mind that most ERE posts were written 5+ years ago and I've had a lot of ERE experience since then, especially when it comes to understanding how civilians react to new ideas.

Based on pure counting, it seems most find it reassuring but I do recall one guy who found it rather disappointing that I wasn't quite the firebrand he was expecting. If you listen to the podcasts I've been in, you'll probably get a better idea.

Jenie
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Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by Jenie »

"I do consulting." It is broad enough that you really don't have to elaborate. You have your own clients that you work with online and it pays well, allowing you flexibility to work your own hours and travel.

jim234
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Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by jim234 »

I was let go (at my request) from Megacorp. A woman I know was laid off 6 months before me, she is 64 yo. I called her and told her I am left the company and am retiring now. Her reaction was, "Why are you retiring so early?" and I am like because I can, she then says "What will you do all day?" I tell her watch my investments. She then rushes off the phone saying I have to leave to volunteer at the church, I will call you back. She never did. Strange. No congratulations. No how did you do it? Just very short and kinda hostile.

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GandK
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Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by GandK »

jim234 wrote:I was let go (at my request) from Megacorp. A woman I know was laid off 6 months before me, she is 64 yo. I called her and told her I am left the company and am retiring now. Her reaction was, "Why are you retiring so early?" and I am like because I can, she then says "What will you do all day?" I tell her watch my investments. She then rushes off the phone saying I have to leave to volunteer at the church, I will call you back. She never did. Strange. No congratulations. No how did you do it? Just very short and kinda hostile.
Ouch. Sounds like about 25% judgment (church comment) and 75% envy (the rest of it).

My parents are about that age and retired a decade ago. They now travel extensively. Periodically they lose someone they thought was lifelong a friend because of their Facebook chronicles. Some people take it as bragging, it seems. And I guess some people are so hopeless about their own situation, and hopeless that they feel too old to course correct, that it hurts to see peers who are happily retired. Kind of like when you're unhappily single and it makes you sad/frustrated/nauseated to see lovey-dovey things.

bryan
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Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by bryan »

jim234 wrote: "Why are you retiring so early?" and I am like because I can, she then says "What will you do all day?" I tell her watch my investments. She then rushes off the phone saying I have to leave to volunteer at the church, I will call you back. She never did. Strange. No congratulations. No how did you do it? Just very short and kinda hostile.
GandK wrote: Ouch. Sounds like about 25% judgment (church comment) and 75% envy (the rest of it).

The two of you aren't being sarcastic or making parody, are you?

To put myself in the lady's shoes in @jim234's comment there, my reaction would be 1) why is @jim234 calling me all of a sudden and bragging about leaving the company on his terms, whilst I got laid off (very traumatic for me; to think I had almost recovered from it), and now he is just 2) watching his investments like a Scrooge? 3) Sorry, can't really talk, dear, I've got to.... go help my fellow man. <maybe that'll give him something to consider doing other than counting pixels/coins/SWRs>.

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GandK
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Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by GandK »

@bryan

I can't imagine him calling someone up and saying such a thing unless he had reason to assume that person would be happy for him. Or would be pleased that he was at liberty too. If she was a casual acquaintance rather than a friend, or if it was @jim234's intention to brag, then I agree with you. But I didn't get that from his post.

jim234
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Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by jim234 »

A little background on this. The woman was happy to get packaged out and get one year of severance and UI when they laid her off, she wanted to retire anyway.
I helped her with her computer a few times over the phone and have known her as a co-worker for > 10 years. This is why I am puzzled by her reaction.

I told many people at work I wish they would lay me off before they did. Surprising reactions include, you are too young (49 at the time), you have a responsibility to society to keep working, what will you do all day... It is like the have been programmed to accept their slavery, and they willingly go along with it!

cb1504
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Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by cb1504 »

I loved this posting. Welcome to the world of the stay at home parent. Respect? Isn't that the name of a song?

lost_the_path
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Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by lost_the_path »

Not quite the same thing, but whenever anyone would ask me "what do you DO?" (as in, where does your job put you on my social scale), I'd give them a grin and say oh, I'm independently poor. (Like independently wealthy, but not quite as obnoxious.) The responses tended to be either changing the subject because they couldn't pigeon hole that answer, or 'what do you mean', at which point I'd explain a bit about ERE.

JL13
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Re: Do others Respect you if you don't have a Job and ERE

Post by JL13 »

I like "consulting", integrated with your previous career.

I also like "traveling". if you are an investor, you could zero in on your largest stockholding. I.e. if it's Coke, you work in beverage distribution.

For one liners, I like the non-confrontational, deferential: "I hadn't thought of that" or "very interesting". it can be seen as smart ass, depending on your delivery and the recipient's personality.

Also, "I'm waiting for an opportunity that will pay me what I'm worth" is an interesting counter. Then, instead of thinking you're poor and lazy, maybe they'll think you're arrogant and hardworking? Money = success, right?

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