Dilemma! Leave home or save for ERE

[Dejan37]

Hello,

a bit about myself first. I am 37 old, come from Slovenia and wait for it, yes, I still live in my parents house... The main reason is - I want ERE or at least ER. I am or will be too late for extreme early retirement anyway.. I do not plan to have kids. I love free time. I am a bit introverted althoug I make friends easily etc. I work out, I love sports and other than for sex and intimacy I mostly prefer to be alone, reading, researching stuff, trying to figure how to invest, ...I like to travel too. Visited a lot of major cities already, US, Asia,.. I earn about 1.400 EUR a month total (we have paid vacation and 13. paycheck etc.) and while I live at home, I do not need to pay any bills. I only pay for my cell phone, car, clothes etc, but I do not contribute to food and utility bills. My mother and father have enough money and bigger pension than my paycheck and this is their way of helping me save money so I do not need to work my ass of for 40 years.. But this of course comes at a cost of me not being enough independent and this is getting on my nerves lately.. During my last 20 years I have always been in a relationship and now it is getting a bit weird that I still live at my parents house while my GF lives alone. We were discussing about moving together but now she says she would like to not get in a way of my goal of reaching ER.. We also argue about other things a lot so it might happen that we will go separate ways soon. I think my money saving addiction was a major factor with us going apart, but it is what is it. Now the question. I cannot continue this way because this will I will be able to retire in like 10 years but at what costs? Me being alone... I currently have about 110.000 EUR saved after 8 years of work and saving about 75 % of all paychecks and earning 5 % return on fixed deposit (yep, we had that a while ago in Europe..) The house we live in is worth about 250.000 EUR and there is a house my grandma lives in which is worth about 120.000 EUR which will also eventualy be split between me and my sister.. This is just to let you know my situation a bit better. I decided that I need to start living on my own to grow up. I am late already but ok for europe, there are a lot of folks still living with their parents. Not so much in US as far as I know. But 37 is anyway very late.. If I move on my own my cost from almost 0 will go to:

rent - 200 EUR
bills - 200 EUR
food 100-150 EUR (I have paid meal at work)
car - 100 EUR

I could go without a car which I use for 5-6 months only and mostly just to go to work during the winter. During summer and few months before and after I use bycicle. I will move even closer to work so this is not a problems. So I guess one cost less if I move on my own.

All in all this means I will have to go from savings of about 1.000 EUR a month down to about 400-500 EUR.

What is your advice? Should I try to add second income stream? Also I had an oportunity to earn substantialy more a while ago, but I turned down this job offer. The reason? I would have to drive 50km to work. I hate driving, I hate spending time in car. And the main reason was that because I live with my parents I really did not need

biger paycheck but more free time.. Now that I think about moving out I fear that I made a mistake. Surely earning 2.000 EUR would help a lot because I could still save

the same amount of money I do now while I could at the same time live alone.

Ok another option is to live together with GF, current one or the next one.. This way costs split and I could save almost as much as I do now..

I was so focused on money and saving and investing that I made a lot of mistakes and I never grew up. I just know that money brings freedom and so I want to have a lot of it. Not for luxury. Do not care for that. But for freedom. But now I am realizing that this is costing me a lot too. What good does it do to retire at 45 if you are alone.. Sometimes I even feel that if I was to be alone at 45, I would rather work and socialize at work. If you retire as a couple retirement is good. But this is not an option, specialy not in my current relationship where my girl does not have any savings at all.. And I cannot save enough for both of us.. The reason she does not have savings is she lives on her own for 10 years.. Living alone and having low paycheck does not allow her to save. What she did save she spent traveling with me.. How does she sees me? I mean I must look like a total cheapskate to her. She has nothing and I have 100k EUR and still she lives on her own while I do not... When I say I will buy her something she does not allow it, because she knows money means a lot to me and she does not want to stand between my goals.. How nice is that?!?! But I feel ashamed more and more.. Sometimes I just think I should forget everything about early retirement and just work like 99 % of people do, specialy here where wages are not high like in US. So this way we both could live and enjoy life a lot.

Sorry for such a long post but as you can see I am a bit of a mess..

Any advice would be helpfull, thanks!

[George the original one]

Move in with the girlfriend. She can save money and you can jointly head for an early retirement. She obviously cares about your goals, so wrap her into your plans. She needs a bit of your guidance, too.

[Dejan37]

Thanks for reply George. I also think this is the best move, but at this point I am not sure if I can save the relationship. If it is still possible then for sure that is the best thing to do. The problem is she suggested this move a bit more than a year ago, but I was so focused on ERE that I hesitated and she took that as a sign I will never want to live with her. Then I suggested to move together some months later and she was like: no, you are not ready, you have your goals, I obviously do not fit in them etc.. And since that it is just downward spiral.. She took it personally and I do not blame her. She probably thinks I should marry money and I am not sure she is that far off.. I should probably really move somewhere and live alone to start appreciating love, friendship and everything else more. While at home it is hard to do because I have everything and do not need to work for anything.. I will see what I can do with the relationship, but I guess my ERE or ER dreams will have to now move to second place and I have to start developing as an adult more...

[Tyler9000]

There are two sides to financial independence -- the financial side and the independence side. Right now you're prioritizing money and completely ignoring independence. IMHO, ditching that mindset and working on both sides simultaneously is a big step forward in your ERE journey. You're making progress!

[Dejan37]

Tyler9000 this is exactly my problem. I was focusing so much on financial side, trying to save as much as possible, totally neglecting independence. Sure I have my own floor in our house, but still, it looks weird being 37 living at home.. I was lucky my GF did not mind and understood that. But still, if we break up now, I do not want to meet another woman and tell her, yep, I live with my parents. I will look like a freak.. Too bad wages in my country are so low. I did manage to save 75 % of paycheck but this was without rent and bills. If I would have to pay them I could not save more than 30 % and this then takes too long...

That is why I think doing ERE is a lot easier in the US. If you have a good job you can just sacrifice 5-10 years and done. This is also probably the reason why I do not know a single person in Slovenia that is retired early. This is not even something that crosses anyone mind. You work for 40+, get state pensions and voila. True our parents retired in 50s because we were living in communism and when Yugoslavia broke apart it was 20 % unemployment so anyone without a job and 50 years old could just retire.. Now those people are still on state pension while our pensions move away. We will have to work until 70 ... But ok, I think I can still retire at about 50 to 55 even If I go to live alone. Still better than 70, but far from my dreams of retiring at 43-to 45..