journal of wood

[wood]

February 2017, this year's financial disaster
In February I have spent 35k NOK. I spend 10-13k in a normal month.
My paid income was 27k from work and 1k from investments.
Makes for a savings rate of -30% thereabouts in February.
Had to write it to believe it. But I knew I was getting overboard.
I have spent way more than needed on furniture and stuff for the apartment since last week, and I ate junk food 7 days straight and I went out for drinks with friends. I think the reason for my overspending is an attempt at trying to get done quickly (on-the-go meals and not willing to wait/research for good furniture deals) and also to feel better. And I will admit that it feels good. But it quickly wears off and now I feel the urge to spend more. Its almost like a drug. I've told myself that once February is over, its back to normal again. I have everything I need now. Well, except speakers. Hey, it's still Feb 28th But seriously, I will get back to normal now.

The new apartment
Ok, so a couple more downsides with the apartment.
I forgot to mention there is no shower. This is no problem for me. I do my workouts at my workplace and there is a shower and even sauna there. I just use the bathroom sink to do a quick morning wash. I'm an evening shower kinda guy anyway. The problem comes in with overnight guests. I'm curious to see their reaction to my lack of shower. But no big deal.
There is also lack of ventilation in the kitchen. No ventilator over the stove. I think I will get a simple one to attach on the wall next it or something, because the smoke detector went off yesterday. Still getting used to the kitchen.
The low rent is a killer deal, so I'm still happy about the place. And it's starting to look and feel the way I want it to.

@Eureka (and others): Thanks for the concern.
As for wife, well she left Kenya 2 years ago for good. She said goodbye to friends and family for good then. Coming back would feel like a failure to her, it would feel embarassing. There is also a mentality that if you manage to "escape" Africa and go to Europe, you'll be rich in no time. Her net worth is almost zero so she would return with empty pockets, which will be seen as a failure. She also has a life here in Norway apart from the relationship she had with me. She speaks the language, has friends, work and workmates. She loves the city we live in. It is safe, clean and small. She comes from a huge city with crime and pollution. For her there are still lots of reasons to stay I think. She does miss her family though. And she's pretty depressed about the whole situation. She might change her mind and go back when she fully realizes there is no hope for us getting back to where we were. All I can offer at this point is friendship.

[slowtraveler]

@ Wood,

Thank you for this honest sharing of your life. It helps me feel better about my own challenges and feel more peace about my patience to not have married any of the sweet-hearted yet not right for me girls I've fallen for.

I'm happy you've moved to a more grounded and light place about this where you can build your life and allow her to as well. Congratulations and I wish you the best.

[wood]

The single best simple piece of advice I ever encountered for application to this variety of problem is to do the intellectual exercise of imagining that there exists some higher power or intelligence or morality or knower-of-all-things-past-and-future who could grant you absolute absolution from any guilt in your decision making process.

In retrospect this advice is probably the most valuable one to me personally, and the one I am likely to pass on to others seeking advice from me. Thank you.

@Felipe:
Thanks. Knowing that my own human imperfections makes someone else like you feel better about themselves brings a smile on my face and encourages me to share my naked truth in this journal, and also to improve myself.

[wood]

Exciting times! This post will mainly be about my investing.

My networth is getting close to $150k and split into the following assets:
$70k real estate
$30k stocks
$40k cash

Investing in Kenya
I have partnered up with a friend and former colleague who is looking to invest in Africa. Like me, he wants to set up base there. We have been doing research and online networking for a few months now in the hopes of making some business connections and look for serious investment opportunities. Last week we found one.
We are looking to buy a few plots of land just outside a major coastal city in Kenya. It's a project where luxury apartments will be built. We are getting in as one of the first 20 investors getting a plot for about $10k. Plot size is about half an acre. I'm getting 2 plots, he's getting 1. As one of the first investors, we got the privilege of freely choosing which plots we want. We went for location and size, as some of the ~150 plots are slightly bigger than others. It's a beautiful spot along the coast of Kenya, not far from the beach and just next to a creek, nearby shops, hotels and roads. Most of the surrounding area consists of a mix between developed infrastructure and tropical nature.

In a few weeks the project will be launched in the open market at a price of $15k per plot. There is already alot of interest from investors and holiday home land buyers. Simply sitting on the land for a bit longer will likely see further price increase.
We could choose to build a luxury house on each plot. Building costs amount to about $35k per plot. That's the price. The corresponding value is likely to be 1.5 times whatever money you put into the building. There is demand for ready made homes. Still haven't decided if I want to go through the process of setting up a house yet. There is a partnering company who will be offering a few different designs to choose from. We will take it from there.

Should this experience prove to be positive and profitable I will be one step closer to resigning from my dayjob. Now off to find a kenyan lawyer!

[wood]

Investing in Kenya

Done deal! 2 days ago I made the payments of $8,750 x 2 to pay for the 2 plots of land. It has been almost 2 weeks of constant emailing, whatsapp chatting and phone calls to have everything happen according to rules and regulations, and to make sure we are not being tricked in any way. Business in Kenya is generally a lot slower (and riskier!) than where I come from, expecially when it comes to making deadlines and appointments. Dealing with 3-4 independent lawyers and putting me, my co-investor and the sales representatives into the mix, made communication chaotic. I involved several lawyers because I didn't know which one would do the better job. One after the other got "fired" as they were too slow to respond and we were lastly left with one who did her job well. We will likely use her in the future.

Similar plots to the ones I have bought are currently being sold at $14,800, and the whole land area will be sold out in a few days/weeks. At which point the value will increase more. When the building process begins and luxury homes start popping up, the plot values will increase further.

It has been an exciting, nerve wrecking, frustrating and enlightening experience. I have expanded my network in Kenya a bit and there are good chances I will get the opportunity as an early investor for future projects as well.

General update
A few hours after having the deal sealed I mentally lowered my guard and started relaxing. I immediately felt a cold coming. Its probably all due to the stress recently. Work has also been very busy. And I've started dating.

[Jason]

Are you moving to Kenya? Or is this an investment property?

Also, is Kenya one of those countries with unenforceable private property rights i.e. you leave your house and you come back and there's another family living in it and you have no recourse to evict?

I do not know the politics of Kenya. I'm sure you do - but buying real estate is scary enough in a democratic and highly regulated country.

As they say, real estate is essentially theft. In a democracy you are stealing from the poor. In a totalitarian regime, you are stealing from the government. Its the nations in between that are most concerning because there is ambiguity.

[wood]

Are you moving to Kenya? Or is this an investment property?

This is investment, building network and getting experience with doing business transactions overseas. I'm not planning to move permanently anywhere, Norway will always be my main country of residence. But I plan to stay in East Africa for some months every year upon retirement. Or some other place, who knows. But I like Kenya and have friends there.

By African standards Kenya has a friendly business/investment environment. But there are so many risks when buying land. And by European standards it is a scary place to do business. Many get scammed and lose their money. Once you are the rightful owner of property you are fairly safe. It is the transaction itself that is risky - buying something that the seller did not own, or maybe you were 1 of 10 people who all paid for the same property. Rarely will you get your money back.

[Jason]

Well at least its safer than buying a kilo of cocaine in Miami Beach!!!

Just kidding, kind of. Good luck.

I blame Bono. The guy has a voice that makes the angels weep, but his self-righteous, charitable douchebaggery only keeps these countries out of the economic mainstream and stuck in their Nuer tribal bullshit where the simple act of buying a bucket of corn can end in a mass shooting by a gang of machine gun wielding moped riders.

[wood]

March 2017 finances
Finances are looking better this month, but savings rate is still low (19% in March) due to:
- Some holiday tickets being purchased this month. I'm travelling to Kenya in May.
- My cell phone bills have shot up because of dating, but that is just poor planning from my side. Should have changed subscription type and been more careful to use free wifi. Surprisingly, my social/cultural events category has been inside my budget of 800/month despite the dating events.
- Some last things needed due to moving.
Lets just say I've kept my eyes almost closed when it comes to spending lately. Still, my other categories of spending have been satisfyingly low. I'm getting into a good routine of things.

Trying to copy paste from my excel accounting.

Rent 4 500,00
Adjustment rent -236,69
Internet 200,00
Electricity 686,00
Food & household items 2 706,36
Mobile phone 536,91
Transport 200,00
Health (meds & doctors) 0,00
Clothes, hair & hygiene 764,96
Furniture, interior, insurance, maintenance 1 703,90
Needs total 11 061,44
Projects, hobbies, training, multimedia 90,00
Social & cultural events 739,00
Work cafeteria 46,00
Snus 2 308,47
Holidays, airplanes & boats 8 937,38
Other 0,00
Gifts 0,00
Wants total 12 120,85
Total spend 23 182,29

Salary before tax 38 716,70
Tax 10 398,00
Union, pension, work insurance 1 362,25
Paid salary 26 956,45
Odd jobs, yard sale etc. 1 006,80
Debt repayment 0,00
Investments and accrued interest 500,00
Gifts 0,00
Total income 28 463,25

Human relations
I figured I'd make this a category for updates so I can stay accountable on my social life, family life, love life and any other relationships with human beings. I've learned that love, being in love, feeling loved and romance are important to me. Staying in touch and keeping friends and family has also proven to be invaluable in troubling times like marriage breakups.
I don't change close friends or family very often, so these updates will likely be updates on my love life for now (or lack of it ) I've been involved with numerous women of late and ended up with what looks like 3 girlfriends. I just dumped one of them because I didn't have enough capacity. I'm just having fun for now, nothing serious.
(Ex-)wife is not doing so great. We chat or talk from time to time and she is depressed and regretful. She told me about a guy in a wheelchair that she is considering dating. Feels surreal.

[Jason]

When you say you don't have enough "capacity" for three girls, am I to assume capacity is a euphemism for penises? I guess it goes without saying that you do not give much credence to the one house/one spouse mantra of ERE.

Also, although I guess it's not as bad as your ex-wife now sleeping with girls or farm animals, the fact that her interest in men has been reduced to the incapacitated and/or paralyzed might be a reflection upon you.

Just sayin'.

[Eureka]

Good to read about your progress. One absolutely easy way to reduce expenses would be to stop spending >2000 on snus. This is your 4th highest expense - and in an ordinary month w/o plane tickets it would be the 3rd, just after housing and food.

[wood]

When you say you don't have enough "capacity" for three girls, am I to assume capacity is a euphemism for penises? I guess it goes without saying that you do not give much credence to the one house/one spouse mantra of ERE.

Your comments always tickle me. ERE has a one house/one spouse mantra?

It is a euphenism for time. I need some alone time every week, preferably a couple days/evenings. 3 women demanding time, attention and love is too much and one of them got jealous. But atleast I tried it and I'm still left with 2 that I enjoy spending time with. Especially the Brazilian.

I'm just taking a day at a time and having fun living life. The fact I'm treasuring my alone time makes me think I'm in a healthy state of mind. I'm sure I sound crazy to you Jason and probably others too.

I believe one day I will have one spouse. But I'm in no hurry.

Also, although I guess it's not as bad as your ex-wife now sleeping with girls or farm animals, the fact that her interest in men has been reduced to the incapacitated and/or paralyzed might be a reflection upon you.

Lol! Yes, it might be but who am I to judge. She seems to have a thing for the handicapped. One of the men she slept with was partly paralyzed and had a limp leg she told me.

@Eureka: Thank you. And yes, I am annoyingly aware of what you are saying. It is an addiction I tried to quit a few times but failed. I'm planning to go cold turkey in Kenya come May. Wish me luck!

[ellipsis_has_expired]

>2000 on snus. This is your 4th highest expense

You snus, you lose.

[Jason]

To be honest, at first I thought you were just a stupid whiny bitch in an unhappy marriage, but now I see that you're just a normal guy who wants to bang brazilian girls three at a time. You should have just said that upfront and I wouldn't have gotten warnings from Jacob Lund Fisker about being an asshole. In any event, I'll be interested in seeing how you graph that expense.

I don't know where I heard one house one spouse. But it seems to make sense.

I was aware that puppies and babies were chick magnets but never in my wildest dreams did I think being in possession of a handicap parking permit would provide an advantage in getting laid. I did once think of starting a porn site for people who had handicap fetishes. It's working title was "Amputease." But it's model was based on disabled girls. I got the idea when Tony Soprano was having sex with the one legged Russian chick. Now I'm thinking that disabled men might want a site of their own. Have you ever spoken to your ex-wife about earning some extra cash?

[7Wannabe5]

@wood: I'm happy to hear you are doing well post-separation. Contrary to popular belief, it is usually the case that the individual who was the "nicer" half of any partnership quickly achieves success and happiness once they make the decision to end the relationship. It might even be the case that extending oneself in tolerance in such a manner for a limited time can contribute to anti-fragility, like any other experience that makes you stronger because it didn't kill you.

I wouldn't make too much out of the attraction to handicapped individual. Sometimes this is due to the fact that when a person has an inherent level of power, but also a set limitation, the way in which the power is then demonstrated can be more interesting. A simple example would be an ex of mine who lost one arm in a shooting accident when he was 19. He chopped wood from his own lot to heat his house in the winter, and played basketball, so the musculature of his remaining arm was hyper-developed. Another friend lost most of his eyesight in a military lab accident, and then went back to school and earned his PhD, because forced to seek employment maximizing brains over brawn.

I think something like one house/one spouse is the most frugal choice, given current economic realities, for most heterosexual men these days. I do not think it is the most frugal choice for most women. However, it is difficult to determine where the overall market is heading in this realm, due to uncertainty of "what if everybody did it?" For instance, my well-educated professional hipster DD25 attended a VERY expensive (on academic scholarship) private Southern University and there were sugar-babies whose tuition was paid by "Daddies" residing in her dorm. In her social circle currently there are young women who are monogamous, polyamorous, married, co-habitating with friends, co-habitating with SO, living alone, living with parents, and/or earning some share of income as sex worker. I think the lifestyle exhibited by the young woman with whom you and your ex recently had a threesome is becoming much more commonplace. This is in part due to internet based social media and in part due to the increasingly fluid participation of females in the labor market in recent years. When I was a girl in middle-class Midwestern suburbia 45 years ago, there was only one divorced working mother in my entire neighborhood, and she lived with her mother and daughter and made her living as a ballet instructor.

In YMOYL, it is suggested that the best way to minimize output of life energy towards accumulation of passive-income-producing assets is to engage in whatever paid work pays the best hourly wage yet isn't morally repugnant (other varieties of repugnance as barrier may or may not be subject to Stoic solution)to you. Therefore, the obvious solution for any reasonably attractive female who is not morally opposed would be to engage in some sort of sex-work and/or sugar-baby arrangement which would generally preclude one house/one spouse monogamy.

[wood]

The (new) apartment
Not new to me anymore and I'm getting really comfortable. It has everything I need, even some extras (+1 bedroom), at way below market price. However the downstairs neighbours told me the news that the landlord is considering selling the house next year. So I might be forced to move. I'm not going to worry about it yet, but one possible solution would be to move into one of my rentals. I've considered selling one of them to free up some cash for investments abroad. Living in it will enable me to cash in the profit without paying tax. The biggest downside of moving is that I most likely won't have the 60 seconds walking distance to work anymore.

Investing in Kenya
My friend and former colleague, who also invested in Kenyan land, is now 90% sure he will move to Kenya in October this year. He's 46. I'm pretty excited about the whole thing because we talk alot. What he is doing is close to what I'm planning as well. I'm sure he will get involved in several businesses there and even provide investment opportunities for me. The way I see it, huge profits can be made if proper due diligence is done. I need to free up some cash for this. Cash will also be spent on developing the plots I purchased. I will probably need to set aside around $90k to set up 2 holiday homes. Getting bank loan will be difficult, but credit cards can be used if need be. From what I gather 100%+ profit can be made on this project over the span of 2-3 years.

I'm 32 today. They still ask me for ID. Yay!

[wood]

Human relations

Relating to the sugar daddies/sugar mommas thread (viewtopic.php?f=3&t=8851) and also relating to what 7w5 and Jason wrote above, I felt like typing down some thoughts.

We are good at measuring financial capital here. How do we measure social capital? What is social capital and what are the different things it can be used for?

I spend very little money on dating. I wonder if anything would change drastically had I spent considerably more? Until now the typical pattern has become dinner at my place, in which my fridge gets filled up for free and I take part in the cooking process. I learn more about cooking, eat for free and get to have sex. I enjoy some of the companionship, but not all. Sometimes the main goal is to do what I can to get laid. Other times I dont care if I get laid because the social interaction is desirable. I sometimes wonder what these women see in me. I've asked, and the most frequent answer is "charm".

Can "charm" be seen as social capital in this case? I always saw social capital as something along the lines of "people owing you a favour", which fits well with how I learned to network back in the day; "Offer something to someone, be of value to them".

7w5, you mentioned that young woman with whom we had a threesome with. She's coming again this summer. I've found myself flirting with her lately, but I have no desire for a threesome this time. She's definetely flirting back and leads an interesting life. She has a sugar daddy in her home country (Singapore) so she has a travelling budget. She spends her vacant months between studies travelling and sleeping around, thus low/no hotel expenses which means she can travel more. At some point she found herself in a fling with a photographer/artist and ended up being featured at some museum for an upclass art show. She just "goes with the flow", its pretty fascinating to observe. She definetely has some kind of social capital, but I have trouble defining it outside of "cute, intelligent & sexy". She's what I imagine a modern day hippie to be like, and it seems many in the young generation have similar lifestyles.

[7Wannabe5]

"Charm is the art of getting the answer you wanted without even having to ask the question." It is certainly a valuable quality, talent or skill to possess and employ, and it is likely that you are capitalizing on it to some extent in your dating experience, as well as other social contexts. I am rather curious about how you manage to convince women to bring food over to your house to cook for you?

Your 3some friend actually sounds a lot like my young former housemate who was a girl-friend experience escort. She used a good portion of the proceeds from her sex-work to travel around camping at music events with a group of friends in the summer, and she was saving up to buy some land of her own. Cute, intelligent, sexy and "like a modern day hippie" would all apply. She was not at all like the stereotype. First guess at her job based on her appearance would be something like "Arts and Crafts instructor at Jewish Summer Camp."

Do you still describe yourself as polyamorous now that you are single? Do you think it would be easier or more difficult for a female to find a primary partner who would agree to polyamory?

[wood]

I am rather curious about how you manage to convince women to bring food over to your house to cook for you?

Maybe that's where the charm comes in. I jusk ask "How about we try your cooking next time" followed with "are there any ingredients you need me to buy?" and before I know it they are on my doorstep with some groceries and ready to cook. I also cook (using my own bought ingredients) so I guess it goes two-ways. The location of my apartment is very convenient for most, so it's natural to spend more time here.

I think I have polyamorous traits. It's easy for me to have feelings, be intimate and show love to more than one woman at a time. I'm not sure if it's an ideal permanent solution for me. It seems whatever arrangement one sets up, it can change fast. As in you quickly lose partners and find new ones. Sure it can be a rewarding lifestyle, but also seems abit stressful long term. I might want to settle down with one after a while, or I might want to remain single-ish. Maybe it's easier to know depending on the person you meet? Honestly I haven't yet met a woman who would be perfectly ok with both of us being poly. My ex almost fitted the bill but failed to fulfil contract. My 3some friend might fit the bill, but I don't consider her to be GF material because she lives too far away.

Do you think it would be easier or more difficult for a female to find a primary partner who would agree to polyamory?

Females in general, as opposed to males? I have a feeling it might be easier for males to find partners who would agree to polyamory. I have a global perspective.
1. I believe it is more widespread in different cultures where you will find men with many wifes, and therefore slightly more socially acceptable in general to be a man looking for several women.
2. In my experience, women seem better equipped emotionally to deal with a man who has several partners, than the other way around. I don't know why that is. Submissiveness? Emotional maturity?
3. Like you said, polyamory is a financially smart solution for women and maybe not so much for men. So women are maybe more willing, hence easier for men to find them.

Statistics might skew my opinion completely. I have no idea about how many males vs females consider themselves polyamorous. But I have a feeling you will find way more women than men, depending on how you define it.

Sugar daddies with sugar babies are very common in Kenya. Being a white male automatically puts you in the sugar daddy box. It would be very easy for me to find x number of girlfriends there who would all agree to polyamory. And I think it would be easier for me than for my white counterpart. But still possible for both. I don't think Kenya is the only 3rd world country you will find this.

[7Wannabe5]

Gotcha on the "free" dinner play. I figured it was some variation on taking advantage of the feminine tendency which in another context results in multiple older women bringing gifts of casseroles to doorstep of recently bereaved widower. One thing I sometimes say is "I will NEVER be a casserole-toter." Of course, this is essentially no different than when a younger female offers up sex with semi-conscious "try before you buy" motivation. Obviously, some men play on this too. As always, self-aware is halfway there, and all is fair in love and war

Although, I currently reside within biking distance of the hospital where I was born, my perspective is also global because my behavior is on the far-end of the general human tendency towards "out-breeding." IOW, I have always had limited sexual interest in "the boy next door." When I was 14, I used to hitch-hike with friends to the badder side of town, so I could roller-skate with leather-coated individuals with names like Rex and Ace. I have been in two relationships with men who grew up in African-American communities in the poorest sections of Detroit and scrabbled their way up to success through sports and art. I was in Islamic marriage contract with a man who grew up affluent in Tehran and was previously polygamous. I was the girlfriend of an affluent man who was born in 1941. I was engaged to a man who was second-generation Greek. I am currently dating a Republican. Etc. etc. etc.

I tend to agree with your analysis because the feeling I currently have is something like "I am not powerful enough to practice polyamory." Prior to my recent abandonment of lifetime practice of monogamy, the summer I was 21 was my most freely serial experience. I was reading some "hippie" feminist literature at the time, so I have a vivid memory of walking home barefoot at dawn, along city sidewalks, still wearing the little white dress I had put on to go out dancing the evening before, after spending the night with a sexy, cute, brainy Jewish boy with a mop of brown curls on his head and a tendency to whisper charming dirty words during the act, and thinking "I am a woman in her power."