journal of wood

Where are you and where are you going?
Jason
Posts: 204
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by Jason » Thu Apr 20, 2017 8:02 am

I was joking about being a poor schmuck.

That is, until I realized I actually spent time and effort trying to figure out what in the fuck you are trying to say.

wood
Posts: 192
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2015 5:53 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Thu Apr 20, 2017 8:28 am

Jason wrote:
Wed Apr 19, 2017 4:47 pm
Wood, you are completely right and I apologize.

I'm admittedly jealous. I mean how can I not be? I'm just some poor schmuck living a pathetic, anonymous life in America, and here you are, the fucking Cary Grant of Uganda.

I have to think that you are used to this type of reaction by now and might even find it yourself to extend sympathy to the likes of me.
There is nothing much to be jealous about, nor grossed out by. I'm also just a poor schmuck trying to journal his schmuckness. Not trying to one-up or shock anyone. I aim to write about my own actions without fear of being judged. Its not easy for me to admit I'm aimlessly sleeping around and overspending, and at the same time judge my ex for her actions.

My goal is to locate personal patterns, learn, improve and stay accountable. If it sounds like I'm bragging I should improve the way I type. I'm just describing my life. I'm not used to sharing this much, but I feel like it helps me because I lost the one person I used to share everything with.

Reactions. I've had plenty.

My parents can't understand why we separated because I haven't told them in detail what's happened. They advice that I do my best in fixing the marriage. I had to withstand their resistance when I first told them I was getting married. My ex waited 18 months to get residency papers. We went through resistance from both family and society just to be able to live together. My parents like my ex very much, especially mum. If I tell them what happened, they will hate her. I care too much about my ex to have the balls to ruin their relations, and my relation to her. It feels unnecessary.

I did tell my coworkers what happened. It felt like too much of a failure to admit splitting up without having a somewhat valid reason, and I can't keep up a facade. They all have perfect families with kids (on the surface). They have a tendency to joke with the fact that I'm incapable of choosing a suitable life partner. They might be right. I try to just laugh back.

My few friends support me. I do tell them most everything. We live very different lives. One of my friends is an upper middle class politician living in a McMansion. He can't relate to my lifestyle although he finds it fascinating and we've known each other since age 7. Another is still single, still studying and still doesn't know what to do with his life at age 31 and will become an office rat soon (like me). In terms of "life accomplishments" I fall in between those two extremes. I have another friend my age who is a functional alcoholic with a full time job. Friend number 4 and 5 are current/ex work mates age 59 and 46, both previously betrayed and fucked over by women, and feeling like they haven't accomplished much in life (yet). What I like about my friends is that they are loyal and honest with me without trying to impose life wisdom shit from their moral high ground, like my parents and work mates occasionally do. But who knows, maybe I'd be better off with a different 5-set of friends?

I have received some name calling here and there from humans who know (parts of) my story. Cuckold. Weak. Naive. Jungle fever. Pig. I disregard them all. But you couldn't be more wrong in thinking I was used to reactions like admiration or jealousy :lol:

Jason
Posts: 204
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by Jason » Thu Apr 20, 2017 3:21 pm

As much as I am jealous of you Wood, what absolutely floors me is how you are the least self-absorbed individual I have ever met. Well, maybe with the exception 7wannabe5.

wood
Posts: 192
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2015 5:53 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Thu Apr 20, 2017 4:54 pm

Jason wrote:
Thu Apr 20, 2017 3:21 pm
As much as I am jealous of you Wood, what absolutely floors me is how you are the least self-absorbed individual I have ever met. (...)
I could say the same thing about you after reading your journal.

We could make this thread about you if you want. You express being jealous, grossed out and floored (!) which makes me wonder how you would react to more extreme events, like having your laptop run out of battery and discover you are wearing underwear from yesterday.

wood
Posts: 192
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2015 5:53 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Wed May 03, 2017 5:14 am

April finances - back on track

- April is my birthday month and I was very lucky to get cash from parents and relatives which gave a boost to savings rate putting me at 62%.
- Food expenses came in a bit high as I'm building up a freezer storage, I'm hoping to average it out to around 2 000/month.
- Other costs need to be cut. Snus, alcohol, mobile phone, social stuff. A lot of this is related to the Human Relations part of my life and change is happening there, likely for a financial betterment.
- The total of costs this month (12k) is right where I want it to be in order to be on track to ERE in just a few years.

Rent 4 500,00
Adjustment rent -968,00
Internet 200,00
Electricity 686,04
Food & household items 3 198,50
Mobile phone 922,18
Transport 200,00
Health (meds & doctors) 0,00
Clothes, hair & hygiene 0,00
Furniture, interior, insurance, maintenance 0,00
Needs total 8 738,72
Projects, hobbies, training, multimedia 409,64
Social & cultural events 1 413,68
Work cafeteria 77,00
Snus 1 656,94
Wants total 3 557,26
Total spend 12 295,98

Salary before tax 38 716,70
Tax 10 398,00
Union, pension, work insurance 1 362,25
Paid salary 26 956,45
Odd jobs, yard sale etc. 0,00
Investments and accrued interest 500,00
Gifts 5 000,00
Total income 32 456,45
Savings rate 62 %

wood
Posts: 192
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2015 5:53 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Wed May 03, 2017 5:31 am

The (new) apartment part 4
My downstairs neighbour forgot to pay the electricity bill, doh! It ended up with electricity being shut off in the whole house. It's still not back on. I didn't have an immediate backup solution and some of my food is likely to spoil. Hoping this won't affect my finances too much. Good thing it's not winter anymore. I was not prepared for this event. Action steps for the immediate future:

- Locate some "reserve fridges and freezers". I know there are some at work I could use temporarily. I will also work on getting some neighbours as allies.
- Clean my fireplace and get some pieces of wood. Might come in handy if this happens during winter.
- Get reserve batteries for my head mounted flashlight.
- Smart solutions for backup electricity? Or maybe stick to solutions that don't require electricity at all?

Human relations part 3
One dating relationship after the other have slowly faded in the last few weeks, mainly because I've developed what looks like a casual boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with a woman. The line was crossed when she gave me a birthday gift that I could see she put alot of thought behind. I'm fine with it. We see each other 2-3 times per week, and I'd like to keep it at that level. It's an open relationship until further notice. Yes, I feel inlove. It feels really good. At the same time I remain rational. I want to be/feel single for a while now and also avoid any drama. One good thing about reducing the quantity of women in my life is that expenses are likely to be cut (mobile phone, social&cultural events).

I've had my parents over for visits to see my new place and I've kept up with friends this month. An old friend of mine (the upper middle class politician) is coming this weekend.

wood
Posts: 192
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2015 5:53 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Thu May 11, 2017 1:49 am

Summer holiday

I will be travelling to Kenya on Saturday for a 4 week stay. The tickets were purchased before the breakup so I'm flying together with the ex. Apart from the flights I won't be spending time with her. I'm really excited to see the land I've purchased and meet business people there in person. But what I'm most excited about is getting away from work and just laze on the beach all day. Be an extrovert when I want instead of being on a schedule.

I'm also planning to use this opportunity to quit snus. It will simply be out of reach for me and there's no way I'd replace that addiction with cigarettes or anything else. Day 1-3 will be tough. There's a good chance my flight will turn into a nightmare as my body gets desperate. I will struggle to sleep. I will over-eat, my blood sugar will be unstable and my temper will be partly out of control. But after that it will slowly subside. I'm trying to psyche myself up.

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Eureka
Posts: 234
Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2016 11:03 am
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark

Re: journal of wood

Post by Eureka » Thu May 11, 2017 4:44 am

Safe travels and good luck with the snus project.

wood
Posts: 192
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2015 5:53 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Mon Jun 12, 2017 8:10 am

I read the journals of other people on here and realize I'm pretty much a fuckup if measured by standards often used in this forum. But what can one do but to keep trying. Atleast I'm fairly happy and feel lucky in general. It could be worse.

I'm back from my holiday in Kenya. I failed to quit snus after I met some fellow countrymen who gave me snus in a moment of desperation. I also made the mistake of bringing a few just for the trip so that I wouldn't go in full rage mode on the airplane. That led me to re-use of old ones. I just couldn't let it go completely. My next step is going for a hypnosis session on Wednesday in an attempt to fix the problem. Apparently it has a high success rate for quitting cigarettes and this is pretty much the same thing.

The 2nd issue I have is spending way to much money on this holiday. I had budgeted 15k but spent 30k. This was mainly due to me being generous with people around me, excessive alcohol consumption and otherwise not being careful enough with my spending. Also, it took me about 3 weeks until I learned how to optimize my spending there. It's a very different place than home. I thought I had remembered most tricks, but no.

Other than that I had a really good time. I've cuddled with baby elephants, lazed on the beach, danced, eaten different food and met beautiful women. I've used every opportunity to build network with people and inspected the land I bought which looks like a very promising area.

Despite failing with the snus and overspending financially, I'm keeping a positive outlook. I have to.

wood
Posts: 192
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2015 5:53 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Mon Jun 12, 2017 8:14 am

May finances - 2nd disaster this year

I've compressed money spent on holiday in June into the May month, making it easier for future references of holiday spending. Even if I didn't, the financial summary would still look horrible.

Rent 4 500,00
Adjustment rent 707,11
Internet 200,00
Electricity 686,00
Food & household items 1 216,15
Mobile phone 297,56
Transport 200,00
Health (meds & doctors) 520,00
Clothes, hair & hygiene 0,00
Furniture, interior, insurance, maintenance 0,00
Needs total 8 326,82
Projects, hobbies, training, multimedia 292,75
Social & cultural events 2 642,00
Work cafeteria 89,00
Snus 1 337,30
Holidays, airplanes & boats 30 962,98
Other 0,00
Gifts 100,00
Wants total 35 424,03
Total spend 43 750,85


Salary before tax 38 841,70
Tax 10 438,00
Union, pension, work insurance 1 366,13
Paid salary 27 037,57
Odd jobs, yard sale etc. 0,00
Debt repayment 0,00
Investments and accrued interest 500,00
Gifts 0,00
Total income 27 537,57
Savings rate -59 %

I know.

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bryan
Posts: 641
Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2014 2:01 am
Location: mostly Bay Area

Re: journal of wood

Post by bryan » Mon Jun 12, 2017 7:59 pm

> snus

Never heard of it. Thanks for my daily internet diversion.

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El Duderino
Posts: 150
Joined: Mon Oct 27, 2014 12:24 pm

Re: journal of wood

Post by El Duderino » Tue Jun 13, 2017 12:57 pm

I've known people in the deep south to use snuff, but was surprised to read about how specific snus is to Sweden, and how different it is from other forms of tobacco. Probably the most surprising part is that wood went through ~$200 worth of the stuff in a month!

Don't get too down on yourself, Wood, and thanks for posting updates as it's very interesting to read about your journey. If you keep working on improvement, you'll get the results you want.

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fiby41
Posts: 654
Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2015 8:09 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by fiby41 » Tue Jun 13, 2017 1:24 pm

Its called tambaku here but its not nearly as expensive. Keeping in the upper lip part makes me sure snus are both the same thing.

I've always looked at it as unhygenic habit* other people had. But haven't looked at it from the perspective of addiction until this thread.
*the red stains lining the footpath in the video Campitor linked in the other thread are from spitting paan in which snus/tambaku/tobacco is a component.

wood
Posts: 192
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2015 5:53 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Fri Jun 16, 2017 5:05 am

@bryan: Very few have heard of it because as far as I know they only sell it in Norway and Sweden.

@fiby41: You could say its unhygienic because of the way it looks, the tobacco smell and the (relatively minor) health effects. But it kills bacteria in the mouth and prevents holes in the teeth. Snus ranges between 5-20 times stronger in terms of nicotine compared to cigarettes. Its also easier to subject yourself to over-use because you can freely use it indoor without harming people around you. Which makes it all the more difficult to quit this habit/addiction.

@El Duderino: Thanks, and likewise as far as updating your journal goes. $200/month is obscene. I think I had 8 or 10 white russians during my holiday. I'm assuming its your favorite as well.

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