Lucas, Brazilian, 24 years old, hard mode.

Where are you and where are you going?
halfmoon
Posts: 697
Joined: Mon Nov 07, 2016 10:19 pm

Re: Pagliaccio, Brazilian, 22 < X < 28 years old, hard mode.

Post by halfmoon »

Pagliaccio wrote:Self-doubt is an issue for me—maybe the issue. It is the reason why I can get so nervous when talking to someone that I will start stuttering and mispronouncing; the reason why I think, "why would anyone want to hire me as a tutor, when there are qualified people out there?"
I understand self-doubt (and depression), believe me. However: the key to your value as a teacher is not where you are (impressive enough) but how far you've come in the face of all odds. If you can define how you did that and communicate the path to others, you'll be a fantastic tutor.

For example: I was born into an educated, financially comfortable family in a prosperous country; dragged around to endless museums and cultural/educational events; encouraged to read; blah, blah, blah. I have little personal experience with overcoming language, economic or cultural obstacles. I'm at a disadvantage to you in that realm! Realize your strengths and play to them. 8-)

Lucas
Posts: 50
Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2017 10:36 pm
Location: Brazil

Re: Pagliaccio, Brazilian, 22 < X < 28 years old, hard mode.

Post by Lucas »

@halfmoon: Wow, your life looks like the mirror image of mine! People used to try to drag me to parties, or to watch soccer matches—but never to anything remotely resembling a visit to the museum! As for reading, I had a fair share of being told that doing it as much as I did had to be unhealthy.

Anyway, I understand what you mean. Lacking a supportive environment is a painful experience, to be sure, but there is advantage in not depending on such a thing—moreover, I agree with Nietzsche in that what does not kill us makes us stronger.

Be that as it may, I believe I have done a pretty good job of managing adversity so far, considering the circumstances, and I do hope that someday my experience will enable me to assist others, but I am not there yet, I am still taking the first steps to fix the mess in my life and overcome what Pressfield calls the Resistance.

JamesR
Posts: 947
Joined: Sun Apr 21, 2013 9:08 pm

Re: Pagliaccio, Brazilian, 22 < X < 28 years old, hard mode.

Post by JamesR »

I guess this response is a bit outdated but hopefully still useful.
Pagliaccio wrote:But for all that, I haven't learned any marketable skills; I've wasted a lot of time (and money), and I have nothing to show for it.
I would recommend reading Cal Newport's "So good they can't ignore you". It's kind of like the ERE book, except instead of building your monetary capital it's about building your career capital.

You might want to consider Alan Corey's "The subversive job search" or other job search related books.

Some tactics I remember from some of the job search books:
* Identify the job(s) that you think you'd be interested in (ultimately it should be based on your current best strengths anyways).
* Find people with those jobs (such as on linkedin).
* Ask them what they do day to day, what skills they need for that.
* A job is "title" + "industry", so pay attention to which industries you're interested in & which title you want.
* The language/terminology can vary depending on industry, so you also would need to consider that when tailoring you resume (so that you appear to be an insider of that industry and not an outsider trying to break in).
* Heavily tailor your previous work history & any related skills/experience directly to that job or an entry level version of that job. Build that narrative, try to make it appear like you're growing into that job and it's the perfect fit for you etc. Drop dates if you have to, consider a "Functional Resume" style or "Hybrid Functional" to highlight skills and experience over history.
* If you are actually missing a critical skill, you could take a course directly relevant to that, and just add it on the resume "currently taking X thing since it's directly related to my desired job".

Most jobs aren't actually posted, so if you go after the hidden jobs you can sidestep the competition, the trick is to keep in contact with the right people so that when they're looking to fill a spot, they'll think of you first.

Don't focus too much on credentials. Skills & work experience matter more. Youth helps get your foot in the door (such as if you look like you're younger than 25, and are presentable, and appear to be passionate/eager to learn/grow/etc).

Have you tried submitting your resumes/cover letter entirely in english? That might help you to stand out from the crowd. Especially with those businesspeople that don't have a good impression of the "education" system?

Lucas
Posts: 50
Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2017 10:36 pm
Location: Brazil

Re: Pagliaccio, Brazilian, 22 < X < 28 years old, hard mode.

Post by Lucas »

@JamesR: I had a few hours with a copy of So Good They Can't Ignore You years ago, but I chose to buy a different book at the time. There are some points I have (accurately or not) retained from that short reading, notwithstanding:
  • The intensity of "passion" people associated with their profession was proportional to the time and effort they had dedicated to that career;
  • Thus it probably is not a good idea to "search for a passion," looking for a job that is a perfect fit—instead, passion should be developed over time; the fit, manifested as we go about learning different skills and creating a profession that combines our different interests and suits us;
  • We must work for ourselves, in the sense of choosing a job according to the skills we can expect to learn and the additional benefit it will bring for our overall career;
  • As for changing paths, instead of simply dropping everything and starting anew, we should use our acquired skills to grow our career in the direction we want it to take, morphing our job into something different.
I have adapted most of the tactics you recommended whenever I looked for a job—except writing a cover letter entirely in English; not many openings around here would call for such a thing, but the idea is very nice nevertheless.

My version of the rat race—which usually had to do with actual rats, plus cockroaches and mosquitoes—is something I want to avoid if at all possible, however; the whole rigmarole—having to peddle for a terrible job, to compete for the opportunity of being demeaned, and to be told I am lucky for having such an "opportunity."

I admit that I may lack the skills that would make me desirable, let alone "indispensable," for most "good" jobs here, but if I pay the price to get to that point, then would it not be a shame to revert to the routine of exchanging my effort for pennies to pinch, instead of finding a way to work for myself and make my money work for me?

To avoid that situation, I must change the variables in my life—ceteris paribus, better job searching techniques would not help much at this juncture. Hence my current focus on studying for a government entrance exam, so I can leave town with a government job already secured—in terms of being employed, the best option available on many accounts. My learning programming may come in handy in case of surprises, though, and also your advice.

Thank you very much, JamesR, for taking the time to write such a thoughtful post.

julien
Posts: 10
Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2015 1:45 am

Re: Pagliaccio, Brazilian, 22 < X < 28 years old, hard mode.

Post by julien »

Hello Pagliaccio,

What I would like to say to you: don't lose sight of the fact that your environment, probably more than yourself, shapes what you will become in the end.

While it's always good to work hard to improve your hard / soft skills and become a better person, it's crucial to "upgrade" your environment as much as you can in the process. Irrespective of your true value, managing to switch to a better environment (and I'm talking city / country here, not just industry) can give you a very unfair advantage (I've just experienced this myself, multiple times, throughout my life).

I used to look down upon the very "American" (whom I consider to be more pragmatic people than Europeans like me) statements such as "follow the money". But in the end, there's some brutal truth to it.

Lucas
Posts: 50
Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2017 10:36 pm
Location: Brazil

Re: Pagliaccio, Brazilian, 22 < X < 28 years old, hard mode.

Post by Lucas »

@julien: You are right, this is top priority—like I wrote before, good seeds and impeccable sowing will not make up for an utterly infertile soil. And in my case leaving means more than following the money—this place will actually get me insane (or killed) if I allow it. Thank you very much for your advice, Julien.

Lucas
Posts: 50
Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2017 10:36 pm
Location: Brazil

Re: Pagliaccio, Brazilian, 22 < X < 28 years old, hard mode.

Post by Lucas »

There is an opening for a government job in a fitting area, with good remuneration, a nice schedule and to work in a city located in the south. It could not be any better. I still have to figure out how I will afford flying there to participate in the entrance examination, but there are six months to go and I intend to make the best of them in preparing myself. During the next few days I will acquire some of the specific material I need—mostly local codes and legislation; I have books for the federal-level disciplines—then I will probably maintain radio silence for a while, although occasional visits may help in clearing my head and giving me a boost of motivation.

halfmoon
Posts: 697
Joined: Mon Nov 07, 2016 10:19 pm

Re: Pagliaccio, Brazilian, 22 < X < 28 years old, hard mode.

Post by halfmoon »

Best of luck, although I think your determination will win the day without luck. :)

I know you think others on GoFundMe have greater need, but maybe you could start a campaign just for the flight cost. Possibly people could donate air miles? I don't really know how that works, but I've heard of people doing it for other causes.

Riggerjack
Posts: 3182
Joined: Thu Jul 14, 2011 3:09 am

Re: Pagliaccio, Brazilian, 22 < X < 28 years old, hard mode.

Post by Riggerjack »

Well, as usual, my advice differs from the others.

You speak of having problems with depression. My preferred definition of depression is "suppressed aggression ". To me this makes sense, in that I have never met someone who has problems with depression, that had healthy ways to express aggression.

To make this worse, the standard advice has been to get the civil service job. Civil service is almost defined as suppressed aggression. If that doesn't make you depressed, nothing will.

I won't go so far as to say don't do it. But I will say that finding healthy ways to express aggression will probably help.

Physical exercise, preferably involving hitting something is good. Something best done with a bit of anger. Up here, in the North, I recommend chopping wood. Hitting things with an axe is excellent therapy. I doubt you have much market for firewood, so you will need to adapt my advice for your location. Brazilian jujitsu seems like a natural fit, but you would be the best judge of that.

Also, I grew up in a very small town, while the local industry was dying off. So I know what it is to be stuck, with few opportunities presented.

Going back, I find a lot of little niches, that I didn't when I was young and looking for a place. Logging was dying, but now there are guys going out, and harvesting old stumps, making shingles and shakes. Wood carver's. Firewood and kindling cutters.

You know your town, look to see what some of the guys in their 30-40's are doing, and see if it is something you would like to add to your skillset. It may not get you where you want to go as fast as civil service, but you may be happier and in better shape when you get there.

oldbeyond
Posts: 338
Joined: Thu Nov 29, 2012 10:43 pm

Re: Pagliaccio, Brazilian, 22 < X < 28 years old, hard mode.

Post by oldbeyond »

Fascinating read! It really puts first world middle class problems in their proper context.

It seems to me that your biggest asset is your language skills and your low cost of living. Tutoring, translation, marketing, copywriting - there must be a lot of services that you could sell online? Even if the pay is bad it should easily crush Brazilian minimum wage. I know a lot of people using italki.com paying their teachers around 10 USD/hour for example. I guess tutoring requires a solid internet connection, translation and writing less so.

It'll probably be quite difficult qualifying for immigration on language skills alone, so sure, learn programming or some other skill for the long term. But utilize the skills you have in the mean time.

Lucas
Posts: 50
Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2017 10:36 pm
Location: Brazil

Re: Pagliaccio, Brazilian, 22 < X < 28 years old, hard mode.

Post by Lucas »

@halfmoon: Thank you so much! I have set some things in motion; meanwhile, I am rallying some people I know—whom it would be easier to repay.

@Riggerjack: I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, to which I believe there is a genetic factor—and there are precedents in the family. The symptoms first manifested during my childhood, when I did not have much aggression to deal with, therefore, although this may indeed have become a modulating influence to my condition, I do not think repression is one of its efficient causes.

My first years were mostly okay; I flew kites with other kids, we spun tops, rode bicycles, played video-games and all that; I had my peculiarities, but I was not yet considered an oddball—although I would grown on to become the only thirteen-year old boy at school who did not drink, appreciate raging parties or engage in adult sexual behaviour.

Before I get to that, let me tell you that when I watched American films and saw stereotypical geeks being pushed around, I thought they were lucky in a sense. Of course, they had it rough, but then they could meet their friends at the chess club; or, if they wanted some silence, there were places for that as well (like those impressive libraries); and however unique their tastes, they could always find someone able to grasp the stuff they were into.

I mean, once I visited an acquaintance of mine who spent a lot of time watching reality TV, and I caught a snippet from an episode of Pawn Stars in which a man sold an early edition of Walden; when an employee of the shop, Chumlee, apparently "slow" on cultural matters, started speaking about the book, one of his colleagues was amazed at his actually having read it, to which he retorted, "Everyone has read this book."

What kind of country is that? People can rave about the closing of the American mind, but anyone who would not be really, jaw-droppingly astonished at bumping onto someone who is familiar with Thoreau's writing has some nice things going on. I believe it is not hard, in such a place, to find someone to relate to on an intellectual level.

But I did not have that. I was sensitive; I am pretty sure I also was the only introverted person in the entire town; surely the only one who read in any group or circle I belonged to; thus, in a word, I was different—which is rather dangerous when living in a tribal society where civilization is a vague concept. "Look at that, 'The Divine Comedy!' So ya fancy yarself the comedian now? Well, folks, let's see if the clown laughs when we punch his face!" Yeah. There was laughter. I can still hear it.

After being hurt at school by those nice fellows, so dedicated to curing me from being the f****** fa**** they claimed I was, I would go home, where my relatives would advise me to go out more often, be more outgoing, watch more soccer and what have you—there was a balance between violence/humiliation at school and being annoyed for wanting to by myself at home the rest of the time; the message was always the same, though: being me was not okay.

Punches are less of a problem than people think—"everybody has to take a beating sometime" kind of thing. But imagine growing up in a place where every single personal asset of yours is considered to be a major liability, among people who have an ideal of being that is the exact opposite of everything you hold dear about yourself. What would happen if, on top of that, you did not have any example attesting to a different sort of existence?

As far as my knowledge went, the reason I could not derive any enjoyment from drinking myself to oblivion, while listening to those "songs" and partaking in the bacchanals my peers found so stimulating, was because there was something fundamentally wrong about me. When they told me that, I believed it. Hence the regular physical and/or psychological assault and all the humiliation felt somewhat deserved.

I was too naive to think that everyone was wrong—the problem had to be me, right? And when I finally accepted the opposite, I found myself bereft of alternatives. I had no role-models. I had no one I could relate to, not on any relevant level, not to any relevant degree. I could talk about films and series with some people, play games with others, but there was no one to speak about anything actually important.

It was under those circumstances that I learned to cope with clinical depression; I had intense suicidal thoughts by the minute, but I learned to manage them; I learned to stand for myself, to keep my head cool in life-threatening situations—and I got those: people have pointed different blades and guns at me; people have tried to kill me; people have tried to rape me; but I survived.

Not unscathed, though; I am tackling agoraphobia, I am coping with PTSD, and just setting my foot on the street is a struggle, but as far as the fallout for trauma can go, this is pretty light, which, given the severity of what I was dealt, only attests to my resiliency—I have preserved my sanity despite everything, after all, a feat that I seriously doubt most people I know could replicate in similar circumstances.

Be that as it may, if you bare the lengthy introduction above, I trust you will understand when I say that my experience of growing up in a small town—where local industry had already died many years before I was born—did not feel just like being stuck—it was closer to being locked in Sartre's conception of hell, having Pinhead and an endless stream of duplicates of this guy for company.

Now, what are the guys in their 30s and 40s doing here? Drinking. They grind on jobs they are always complaining about, then they sit down with their mates to drink their sorrows away—our venues of socialization tend to be variations on the same limited theme. Professionally, some have good working ethics, but are hard burdened by their chosen or life-imposed professions; most tend to be more easygoing, career-wise, but usually not dependable or worth emulating, though.

The fact is, I thoroughly dislike this place. I avoid interacting with most people here, if I can; when I cannot, I strive to keep the interaction to the strictly necessary; I dread putting myself in a position where they feel entitled to demand anything from me, and I surely do not appreciate engaging them professionally.

Whenever there is a knock upon my door, my heart jumps and I brace myself for impending hassle or trouble—which, especially when I am living in a guest- or boardinghouse, seldom fail to greet me. Landlady had another fight with her husband? Neighbour is drunk again? Acquaintance made a bad choice in life? It will get to me somehow.

As a teenager, I longed for relocating to some capital, and when I finally did, I discovered, much to my chagrin, that the rest of the country was basically more of the same. The problems were not as acutely concentrated as in my home-town, at least not then, not yet, but the basics were invariably the same, the bleakness was prevalent.

Think about the kind of bad job available in your country, the demeaning jobs people only tolerate because they believe they must. Now imagine what "bad" and "demeaning" can mean in a place like Brazil.

I learned corporative survival strategies from a supervisor who had take it upon himself to screw me for refusing to commit fraud; he taught me invaluable lessons on being cautious, meticulous, reading between the lines, always keeping my guard up, but the experience sucked nevertheless.

I have worked for a few sociopaths, and it always sucked; working in places where I was expected to smile before arrogance, baseness and vulgarity sucked; or a company engaging and illegal activities, and getting myself in trouble for refusing to participate, it sucked; it really sucked having to strive to get such demeaning positions, and it surely sucked being given dimes in exchange for everything in the end.

I can take a lot of pressure, I can put in a lot of effort, but I am done with doing it for nothing; I am through with giving away my sweat and my blood to people I despise; and I am done with needing to do that.

Maybe it will take me one or more jobs before I can work for myself, and before I can make my money work for me, and before I can become financially independent. Fine! But I will look for the best return in function of invested time/effort with my goal in mind.

Even the golden salaried jobs in this country, the ones that require degrees and certification and what not, bear the same underlying pattern of forcing employees to deal with [the local levels of] cluelessness and occasional abuse.

Whatever I may have owed this place is surely paid for; whatever claim The Crowd could have had on me has long been deprecated. I paid the price to be myself, now I will go about acquiring the means to live congruently. I will make the most of the available systems, then I will depart towards some greener pastures—or the white wintry fury of a place where I can conceivably hope to be left alone.

Civil service in Brazil is akin to Mandarinate on so many accounts. But if they want to give the best possible remuneration in exchange a nice schedule of work, then I will take it; if they want to provide many benefits—like paid leaves to study in foreign countries, for crying out loud!—to the best hassle/reward ratio in the whole country, then I will have it.

To be sure, I agree with you—it is far from something inherently desirable, specially for someone like me. It surely does beat most of the local alternatives, however, and as far as it is from what I want for myself, and from where I want to go, it still looks like a good starting point and effective leverage out of this misery.

I can only suppose it will be nice not being forced to choose between eating and buying a book, for a change, or being able to afford an interesting seminar or course. But those are minor add-ons. I think more about freeing myself from the constant worry about the physical integrity of people I care about and about having some personal space.

There are many things I care about and intend to explore—writing, for example. A number of such things, I reckon, can be profitable, but I want to take care of the basics before fully dedicating myself to them. Acquiring new skills will probably be a much more efficient, and rewarding, process when I am not either too hungry, feverish or depressed to properly focus—a state that has afflicted me often enough.

I wrote this long post (my apologies about its absurd extension), in a language I learned by myself, while different groupings of fellow citizens blasted the place with an assortment of long-ranged weaponised vibrations. I long to (re)discover what I can accomplish when both my body and my mind are balanced and clean—perhaps, as a bonus, in a place where I can hear myself think most of the time.

@Augustus: Thank you very much for your suggestions! I already have plans to learn study some CS-related disciplines, and I intend to develop them into a toolkit that I want to include Internet engineering skills—if for nothing else, so I will not depend excessively on third parties when launching a product online. I lack resources, but there are many potential options, so I am considering variations on my projects; I have thus checked the links and also a number of alternatives (teamtreehouse, for example), but I already have some good reading material to starting with. Again, thank you very much!

@oldbeyond: I decided to go for the government job so I can have some firm ground upon which to start building. It will enable me to eliminate my debt, and start investing—both financially and on my education. Copywriting and programming are two personal interests I do intend to eventually delve deeper into.

Kriegsspiel
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Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2012 9:05 pm

Re: Pagliaccio, Brazilian, 22 < X < 28 years old, hard mode.

Post by Kriegsspiel »

Yeesh. Have you ever read How I Became Stupid by Page? It was almost as if you were describing the plot of that book.

Lucas
Posts: 50
Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2017 10:36 pm
Location: Brazil

Re: Pagliaccio, Brazilian, 22 < X < 28 years old, hard mode.

Post by Lucas »

@Kriegsspiel: Oh, yeah. In fact, I read it just as what I described above was going on. I remember despising Antoine for willingly giving himself away—when he even had four loyal friends capable of understanding him! But I did comprehend. How could I not? As my own thoughts and feelings seemed to gnaw me from the inside out, I saw those lucky bastards whose whole happiness depended solely on having access to a motorized vehicle and some sexual flicks. "Would it not be nice to be like them," would then ask the same little voice—Lady Entropy—that routinely inquired me about suicide. And sometimes, when I was so dysfunctional I could barely think, I did stumble and fail myself, but afterwards I always managed to get up to fight for my essence. That merry crowd will never experience anything as intense as the feelings people like me, "marked forever and from the beginning of the world with the pox of solitude," can derive from reading a sonnet, listening to a symphony, or simply watching the sunset. The intensity hurts, of course, but I think it is a fair price to pay; all in all, despite the pervasive loneliness, notwithstanding the constant battle against depression, even insanity, I believe I have got the best of the deals. I would not exchange any other temperament for my melancholy. And, who knows, maybe someday I will find my own Clemence—literally, as in the book, or metaphorically (her name is quite fitting).

Lucas
Posts: 50
Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2017 10:36 pm
Location: Brazil

Quick update: Making some progress {Pagliaccio's journal; Brazilian, 22 < X < 28 years old, hard mode.}

Post by Lucas »

Quick update: I finished paying my credit card's [highest-interest, most pressing] debt, I landed an English tutoring gig for some extra money, and I'm taking active steps to fix my "infrastructural" shortcomings—major depressive disorder, bad habits etc. Meanwhile, I go on studying to take the government entrance exam in a few months.

Jason

Re: Pagliaccio, Brazilian, 22 < X < 28 years old, hard mode.

Post by Jason »

Good luck. You write better and have a more extensive English vocabulary than most Americans I know.

I am a basket case too. Own worst enemy type of thing. I pray. It helps. Its better than self-medicating. And its cheaper than cocaine and prostitutes.

One of the keys to this bundle of bullshit is the fact that no matter what you do, accomplish, achieve, etc. you will always feel like a partial fraud. It will always be a part of the equation. I made more $ last year than I did in my life and in many ways, it made me feel worse about myself because I knew I didn't deserve it. And I can put that on my income tax statement and see my bank accounts go up but I still am the same inveterate douchebag I have always been and always will be. Just as insecure, just as needing more.

The reason I want to stop working is so I won't have to go somewhere and pretend I'm not a complete fucking fraud. Some people are just better at denying it or living with it. Or are so in the habit of acting otherwise they can't be by themselves.

halfmoon
Posts: 697
Joined: Mon Nov 07, 2016 10:19 pm

Re: Pagliaccio, Brazilian, 22 < X < 28 years old, hard mode.

Post by halfmoon »

@Pagliaccio, I woke up this morning wondering how you're doing -- then here is a new post from you! :D

Congratulations on the progress you're making. I just re-read your journal, and I want to reiterate that you're an excellent writer with a fascinating story. I know you're focused on the government job right now, but please keep writing either here or just for yourself. If you were to write a book or a blog, I would definitely read every word. It's not just the story but the vivid and insightful way you tell it.

Lucas
Posts: 50
Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2017 10:36 pm
Location: Brazil

Re: Pagliaccio, Brazilian, 22 < X < 28 years old, hard mode.

Post by Lucas »

@Jason: Thank you very much. I spend most of my waking hours reading, so I guess my vocabulary could not help accruing new words by osmosis after a while.

Anyway, thanks to the scarcity of my resources, I was spared from most of the refined ways of making things harder on me—although my creativity did compensate—but I know exactly what you mean.

However, the feeling of being a fraud, or "defective," disappeared altogether once I stopped longing for the traits others exhibited—they have their path for growth, I have mine, and I like what I got. I am at ease in this regard.

Of course, I have never been in a successful position to know whether or not I would feel insecure, but I doubt it—as it is, I have endured enough hassle for a lifetime, and in any case I think I am too Raskolnikovian for my own good.

@halfmoon: Well, considering how delightful your posts are, your own writing skills should likewise be praised—and I plan to read your entire journal, sequentially, as soon as I can take vacations from Brazilian legislation. Meanwhile, I am striving to hone my expression, even because part of the exam is a dissertation.

It was really nice to take a break and find your words of encouragement, so thank you very much. Know that I am cheering for you and praying for your success as well.

Jason

Re: Pagliaccio, Brazilian, 22 < X < 28 years old, hard mode.

Post by Jason »

Ok. Hang in there. Things might not get better but they will end.

Lucas
Posts: 50
Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2017 10:36 pm
Location: Brazil

Re: Pagliaccio, Brazilian, 22 < X < 28 years old, hard mode.

Post by Lucas »

Jason wrote:Ok. Hang in there. Things might not get better but they will end.
Indeed, I thank God for that.

Lucas
Posts: 50
Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2017 10:36 pm
Location: Brazil

Re: Lucas, Brazilian, 24 years old, hard mode.

Post by Lucas »

I decided to take a different approach to some things, including this forum. Although having a pseudonym seems to be the common usage here, my old nickname is thankfully becoming more and more of an inaccurate portrait as I make progress in some areas.

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