7WB5- Take 3

Where are you and where are you going?
BRUTE
Posts: 3797
Joined: Sat Dec 26, 2015 5:20 pm

Re: 7WB5- Take 3

Post by BRUTE »

7Wannabe5 wrote:I am sinking into Nihilistic depression.
good. only after 7Wannabe5 loses everything is she free to do anything.

enigmaT120
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Location: Falls City, OR

Re: 7WB5- Take 3

Post by enigmaT120 »

The Dude abides.

7Wannabe5
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Re: 7WB5- Take 3

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

tommytebco said: This tickled me and so, I share it with you. The cure is to "Dude out".
Thanks :) That was helpful. I'm not sure if my recuperative practice is entirely in alignment with "Dude-ism", but after 2 donuts, 8 cups of coffee, and 30 loops of this, I am feeling a bit better.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-N9rmRxBA0I
Last edited by 7Wannabe5 on Wed Aug 24, 2016 5:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

7Wannabe5
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Re: 7WB5- Take 3

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

Image
Hugel-bed
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Eggplant
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Personal Grid and Cooling System
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Raised Annual Beds with Swale

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Water Cache with Paw Prints
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Cherry, Apple, Black Currant, Alpine Strawberries, Black Raspberry, American Plum, Gooseberry, Heartnut, Potatoes, Hyacinth Beans

User avatar
jennypenny
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Re: 7WB5- Take 3

Post by jennypenny »

I love the camper! (the garden too, but that camper ... *swoon*)

7Wannabe5
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Re: 7WB5- Take 3

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

@jennypenny: I love my camper too! I go there in the morning and just sit in the doorway with a cup of coffee, gazing out at my tomatoes, and it is remarkably quiet and peaceful for being right in the middle of a gritty urban neighborhood. I am very lucky because I somehow managed to acquire an excellent project-of-work partner, possessing much more get-the-job-done-energy than me, by including the word perma-culture in my dating profile. The supernacular coolness of my giant hugel-bed is hard to convey with a photograph. In my locale, it will probably never need to be watered, and since it is almost 3 ft high in the center, it has almost as much surface area for growing as 3 of my other 16' X 4' beds. The Permaculture Manager builds everything out of pallets and pvc. He made me a small raised bed for flowers that will go right in front of the camper, and he brought me some herb towers he isn't using. We are going to have rabbit hutches, wormery, 4 ft fence along the front made out of pallets, and re-designed and better secured dome greenhouse completed by the end of October. Living fence/trellis, tunnel trellis entrance-way and quail tractor will be started in spring. The PM and another very experienced gardener I am dating think that I am being overly conservative with my Harvest 2022 goal for achieving success at producing approximately 1,500,000 kcal/year of food energy without significant inputs and less than 10 hrs./week human labor needed, on my .3 acres. It is also going to be quite lovely, especially in the spring when all my fruit trees are in bloom.

I have been in a very grouchy mood for me lately. I don't know if this is due to my lifelong tendency towards exhibiting low-level combination version of my mothers bi-polar disease and my father's SAD and/or hormonal fluctuations due to peri-menopause. Anyways, I have landed in a spot where I am quite confused and out-of-sorts about what to do about the "mess" I have created through my recent adoption of the practice of polyamory. My recent temper tantrum did not scare any of them away for very long. The Permaculture Manager and I are no longer sexually engaged, but still partnered on what I consider to be my most important ongoing project. The Cowboy is currently my BF, but in a manner that is rather default for both of us, because the woman he was madly in love with just married another man. We eat dinner and sleep together at least 3 nights/week, and otherwise hang out quite a bit. I am also becoming somewhat attached to his two best male friends who are also avid gardeners and interesting, eccentric people. The Peacemaker is still in love with me, and wrote that he is going to tell his wife that he is going to see me after they get back from Ireland in a few weeks. The Yacht-Guy is still writing me at least once a month, and just informed me that he won some major race and strongly implied that his offer to take me on major sailing adventure is still outstanding. AND, I am supposed to have coffee with my ex-husband, who just moved back to my locale, sometime this week. My retrospective analysis of my lifelong experience of interacting with boys and men informs me that anytime I do make an attempt to "handle" or "fix" a situation or relationship, I make things worse. So, I am thinking that maybe I will just do my best to just do nothing except respond in the moment in alignment with my own self-interest. My rational brain is telling me that it seems like I have a lot of good options, but my internal battery seems to be simultaneously running low and short-circuiting. Like I really need some time all to myself to just relax and read and swim and get my camper all stocked up and organized.

In other news, I am looking forward to starting to teach again in a couple weeks. The little ragamuffins in my neighborhood have been running wild all summer, so they might be able to sit still long enough to learn about the life-cycle of the pumpkin and how to make fractions proper. My financial status remains pretty steady state if I consider my permaculture project as investment rather than hobby-entertainment. I haven't made very much money this summer, just a mostly passive dribble from my book business, but I haven't spent very much either, except for the $850 I threw down on the camper which I consider money well spent already in terms of the enjoyment it has offered me, and due to the fact that I could probably sell it tomorrow at a profit with a bit of marketing effort.

tommytebco
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Re: 7WB5- Take 3

Post by tommytebco »

7wb5,
Your Homestead is quite impressive!! You should quit being so dismissive about it and brag more. It all looks so tidy!
Anyway, I wanted to add my encouragement. Keep on keepin' on.

7Wannabe5
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Re: 7WB5- Take 3

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

@tommytebco: Thanks! I am naturally messy, but training myself to be more tidy in a variety of ways has been one of my major maturation practices. The other major one probably being becoming less shy. My internal drive is towards change, novelty, renovation, my next-new-thing etc. so, following mantras such as "Clean up as you go." or "Just clean it for a year." help me to slow myself down. I am also currently finding myself a bit irritable living with my still-messy Bohemian sister who is also more than a bit of a sentimental pack-rat and the owner of 3 not at all well-behaved dogs, so my camper-garden is my tidy retreat.

7Wannabe5
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Re: 7WB5- Take 3

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

I just had a huge lightbulb moment. Due to a variety of social pressures, I have never previously allowed myself to be so free in relationship to men. It suddenly occurred to me that the reason why I decided to allow myself this freedom is due to the fact that I am trying so hard to keep myself focused on my "work" project. Having all major decisions in life already made feels like being buried alive to an ENTP like me. The three main variables would be Where will I live? Who will I be with? and What will I do? I can't hold any two of these stable without busting loose in the seams in the third realm. IOW, there is a level on which my practice of polyamory has been fueling my ability to stay otherwise focused.

llorona
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Location: SF Bay Area

Re: 7WB5- Take 3

Post by llorona »

I like the new location of the camper. It seems out of sight and much less exposed. Looking forward to seeing how the rabbits come along!

7Wannabe5
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Re: 7WB5- Take 3

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

@llorona: Thanks. I just keep telling myself if Barbara Kingsolver can kill a turkey, then I can kill a rabbit. We'll see.

I am back to my usual good mood :D I am currently amusing myself with the notion that I have been transferring units of energy from my aging affluent swains to my perma-culture project for the good of the children of the energy-deprived dystopian future. The Cowboy suggested that the Peacemaker was taking advantage of my compassionate nature, and then admitted that he has also been taking advantage of my compassionate nature, so I am no longer feeling guilty about mooching resources and breaking hearts (or masculine ego-structures :roll: .)

I did manage to stay overnight at my camper a few weeks ago, but felt a bit spooked once darkness fell. So, when the Cowboy texted, I asked him to come spend the rest of the night with me. It was surprisingly quiet and peaceful. I was expecting some noisy teenage hordes, at the very least, but all I could hear was the sound of crickets, and my dorky companion playing Angry Birds on his phone.

Slowly, but surely, I am getting the camper and the garden stocked for survival. Yesterday I completed construction of the berm at the back of the swale where I am planning to plant apricots and hazelnuts, and I hauled and stowed away the last of my pile of gardening paraphernalia. I could hear the Iraqi-American children playing in the yard behind me and the amazing foot-stomping, hand-clapping performance of a gospel choir from the tiny recently-reopened church right across the street. Around the corner, I spotted a group of 4 attractive young hipsters shooting a scene for a film against the backdrop of an old brick building covered with artful graffiti. My neighborhood is nothing but chaotic edge upon chaotic edge. I love it!

Somehow in the course of my career in retail arbitrage, I ended up with half-ownership of a very large propane powered wok. I offered my sister a regular wok in exchange for her half ownership, and I am going to haul it over to the camper today, along with a few basic staple cooking supplies that don't need immediate refrigeration such as olive oil, vinegar and eggs and a big tank of propane. The community center was shut down for a couple weeks for renovation, but now that it has re-opened, I will have access to a decent shower. So, I think it might now be the case that I might actually be able to survive at the camper, especially since I do plan on bus-bike-tent camping in a warmer region of the country during the coldest part of the year. I have created a spreadsheet to track expected caloric production of currently established crops/beds, and I'm only at the level of being able to meet around 16% of my caloric needs (8% of my goal) once my trees and shrubs reach maturity. However, I am at the place on the curve of this project where things should start clipping along rapidly, now that the initial make-more-of-a-mess phase has reached completion. Planting in the fall, rather than the spring, in Michigan has historically been a pretty iffy gamble, but these-a-days it is almost impossible to predict, so I will probably purchase quite a few more trees and shrubs on severe clearance, and hope that they will have time to establish themselves.

EdithKeeler
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Re: 7WB5- Take 3

Post by EdithKeeler »

7Wannabe5: you and your journal were on my mind this morning. I'm thinking about buying a parcel of urban land myself to do something similar to what you're doing, though on a smaller scale, I think. But it occurred to me that I hope you're keeping good notes about your urban farm project--I think it would make a great book that people would be interested in reading.

7Wannabe5
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Re: 7WB5- Take 3

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

@EdithKeeler: I am keeping my usual hodge-podge of notes and spreadsheets, but I don't plan on writing any gardening essays for at least another 2 life skins (13 years.) Good luck with your project! I think everybody should have a garden and a library.

7Wannabe5
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Re: 7WB5- Take 3

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

Well, it was a long, barely-treading-water sort of winter for me. After the crash-burn of my attempted practice of polyamory, I had major crash-burn of my book business, several terrible hacking cough sort of viruses, caretaker issues with my aging, mentally-unstable mother, and half my face was temporarily paralyzed.

However, I am now feeling better, have resolved some of these problems, and today was a lovely, sunny day I spent planting peas and cabbages, and just about anything else that can be put in the ground in Michigan in April. Anybody who wants a salad in a few weeks, just stop by my camper, but be sure to bring your own bowl, because I have yet to begin digging up clay out of the ground and firing pottery.

The odd situation I find myself in is that I have 3 different "jobs" and 3 or 4 (if I include the fact that I have housemate and book-business contract with my sister)different "partnerships" or relationship contracts currently, but I'm not sure if they add up to more or less than the more conventional situation for one of my peers, and which was also my situation for a number of years, which would be practical/social/sexual/emotional-monogamous-marriage-contract-with-husband and full-time-career-contract-with-employer. I have noticed that it is true that when you have a 3-legged stool, and one leg breaks, although it is distressing, it isn't as devastating as having your one and only support in a given realm pulled out from under you.

Actually, that said, my current situation is more like both of my stools have one leg that is solid but won't bear my whole weight, one leg that is wobbly, and one leg that is just a half-leg. So, I do have to either make some changes or make some repairs.

I could easily financially support myself just substitute teaching, but I only enjoy it if I limit it to approximately 2 days/week. I could still easily support myself with my book business if I went at it a bit more gung-ho, and was willing to undertake the tasks of storage and shipping again, but I'm not sure if I want to do that either. I might enjoy working at my garden-project full-time, but it is still cash-flow negative. I am considering doing something else that would make use of my math degree/skills, but I am very loathe to over-commit in that direction.

My BF is more like the sort of transitional/medium-term BF you might have in high-school before you both go off to college, or some similar situation. He is moderately open to the possibility of re-opening our relationship. There is a very good possibility he will take a job overseas in the next year or two. The man who adores me is married, and although his marital contract was polyamorous, his wife is only semi-open to the possibility of the renewal of our relationship. The man who is still exuberantly partnered with me on my permaculture-project is now living with another woman whom I consider to be a new friend. So, my BF is providing some level of practical/social/sexual/emotional support. My perma-culture partner is currently providing mostly practical support, and the man who adores me is currently providing mostly emotional support. My sister is providing some practical support, and sisterly emotional/social support.

Anyways, although I do sometimes feel like throwing in the towel and just finding myself a career and a husband, it does oddly feel like that would be "throwing in the towel" for "ME" (not judging choices of others even if I may come off offensive/defensive at times.) In fact, my druthers in the moment might be to take on my next new-new choices/adventures, while maintaining some aspects of most of what I currently have in place. For instance, I would really like to develop a lifestyle module that would work for me in some sunnier/warmer locale for a couple months in the winter, because I think it would really benefit both my mental and physical health, and I am considering the possibility of a year sabbatical from my 7 year permaculture-project since I could leave it in the care of either my project-partner and/or a family member and/or hired-help-street-urchins at the point of development I should reach by the end of this gardening season. One possibility might be traveling with my BF to whatever overseas assignment he accepts next. I could teach ESL and bunk with him for free.

I will post some updated photos of my project soon! :D

halfmoon
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Re: 7WB5- Take 3

Post by halfmoon »

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Sun Apr 23, 2017 6:17 pm
One possibility might be traveling with my BF to whatever overseas assignment he accepts next. I could teach ESL and bunk with him for free.
Are you at all concerned that depending on your BF for a place to live overseas could upset the balance of your relationship?

I'm glad to see you posting in your journal again. I've missed lurking here. :D

7Wannabe5
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Re: 7WB5- Take 3

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

@halfmoon: I wouldn't be concerned about uncomfortable balance of power for a short, clearly-bounded interval. All the other functional pieces or modules of my lifestyle would be waiting for me wrapped in cotton if/when I returned. Also, I've relaxed a bit with my BF since we discussed the possibility of re-opening our relationship. Our best compatibility is at the level of affectionate, amusing companionship, and we've already successfully taken many short trips together. Some simple things like the fact that we have similar taste in food and music, similar level of health/fitness, and extroversion/introversion makes getting along in a travel situation fairly easy and enjoyable.

7Wannabe5
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Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: 7WB5- Take 3

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

SYSTEMS CRASH

Well, another month gone and my recent rut has only deepened. My cuckoo-bananas sister with whom I was sharing an apartment had a total melt-down/break, and I had to file petition for commitment in order to keep her from being picked up by the police on the charge of disorderly conduct. Then she accused me of losing one of her dogs, when in reality what happened was she allowed all three of them to escape during her incident, and luckily some neighbors caught 2 of them. Unfortunately, even though she had to be restrained because she was so wired when they picked her up, they only held her for observation for 1 day and then released her. So, I have pretty much reached the end of my rope on taking any responsibility for unstable relatives, and am choosing to leave her on her own to sink or swim.

I am staying with my BF for a few days until I can further sort and dispose of belongings so I can fit both my worldly goods and my garden tools in my 14 ft camper. Then I shall make another attempt at surviving on site at my garden. I have an internet hotspot and three 265 gallon water tanks now, so it will be very extreme mix of high/low tech. I am going to set my initial miscellaneous flexible expense daily spending goal at $10, so that will make my monthly total spending approximately $400, since my only set expenses will be property taxes, zipcar subscription, po box and phone/internet bill (total less than $100/month.) Of course, I do not regard this as a stable solution since I may be evicted from my own property due to zoning violation, and winter weather will require further expense for either propane or southern migration.

Smashter
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Joined: Sat Nov 12, 2016 8:05 am
Location: Midwest USA

Re: 7WB5- Take 3

Post by Smashter »

That sounds rough. I'm sorry. I've been going through some major issues with my mom, who has narcissistic personality disorder. It's never easy dealing with someone when you love them so much but also know you can't help them.

I hope everything works out for you on site at the garden. If your posts have taught me anything it's that you are smart and resilient, so I see you pulling it off!

enigmaT120
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Joined: Thu Feb 12, 2015 2:14 pm
Location: Falls City, OR

Re: 7WB5- Take 3

Post by enigmaT120 »

Good luck 7WB5. What is your place zoned if not residential?

7Wannabe5
Posts: 9369
Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: 7WB5- Take 3

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

@Smashter@enigmaT120:

Thanks for the good wishes. Luckily, my oddly constructed web or house of cards proved sufficient. I decided that continuing to live with my sister under current circumstances (her choice to drink alcohol on top of mental health issues and pretty heavy intake of medical marijuana and lifelong tendency towards overt performance art not likely to be appreciated by general public) was not in my self-interest, but we are on friendly terms once more. She even bought me 2 cute china plates with pictures of blonde market gardener on them at a garage sale. Now we can just visit with each other like Lucy and Ethel. We were bound to break up household sooner or later anyways, since we are both still too young to not end up living with men again eventually.

An old friend offered me free housing and $15/hr to help him fix up one of his rental properties this summer, and I continue to crash at my BF's place several nights/week, and I am always free to reside in the Princess room of my mother's luxury apartment which is also conveniently located for visiting with my adult children. And, TA DA! ...I am now successfully living in my camper!!

I have a few problems which I may choose to throw some cash at.

1) Cooking- Should I fix propane system or attempt to jump to system that is more closed loop?
2) Water- I have 3- 260 gallon containers, so I am set for the summer, but I need to figure out how to close loop with mini-well and/or rainwater catchment. I have already developed routine for using one gallon of water and a tiny amount of phosphate free soap for dishes, bathing, laundry and diluting urine before dumping in garden. I can shower for free at my BF's or the community center gym/pool, a few times/week, so good enough for now.
3) Heating- Propane, winter migration or other solution?
4) Storage- I moved my large garden equipment, bike and bike trailer to a long solid-plank pallet next to rear fence, chained them to fence posts, and covered with some high quality lawn furniture tarps my BF ground-scored. Not ideal, but good enough for the moment. I am scavenging at thrift stores for more clothing that is super smushable and quick drying. I almost have everything else I own neatly fitted into the space over the top bunk and under the dinette seats in the camper. Just have to dump off a few more boxes of stuff at the Goodwill.
5) Electricity/technology- no problem keeping my batteries charged for the price of a cup of coffee at local cafe for the time being. Will have to significantly expand solar panels to be independent of grid-mooching.

So far this year I have only harvested/foraged a variety of greens, lettuce, herbs, radishes and some strawberries, so nothing resembling kcal/nitrogen cycle loop-closing achieved as of yet.

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