lilac's journal

jennypenny · Post by **jennypenny** » Tue Oct 16, 2012 3:05 pm

@lilac--Have you tried making breakfast ahead? My kids like hot breakfast, but I don't have time to cook in the morning. On weekends I make things like egg and biscuit sandwiches and breakfast burritoes and freeze them, and then everyone just heats them up in the microwave during the week. I have a small crockpot, and I'll make oatmeal or eggs and potatoes in the crockpot the night before and cook it overnight so it's ready in the morning.

lilacorchid · Post by **lilacorchid** » Tue Oct 16, 2012 4:08 pm

@jennypenny - Thanks for the ideas. Do you have any good crockpot reciepes for a small pot? I was thinking a four cup pot would be good for the three of us (two adults and a toddler). I use the large one for suppers.

jennypenny · Post by **jennypenny** » Tue Oct 16, 2012 6:24 pm

@lilac--Sorry, I don't have a ton of time today, but here are some sites I visit for crock pot recipes:
http://crockpot365.blogspot.com/

http://southernfood.about.com/library/crock/blcpidx.htm

http://tastykitchen.com/

http://www.howsweeteats.com/

http://fix-itandforget-it.com/blog/
I have the Fix It and Forget It book. I like it, but it's from Amish country so sometimes I adjust the recipes to attempt to make them healthier

HTH

lilacorchid · Post by **lilacorchid** » Wed Nov 07, 2012 5:25 pm

Food spending update: Back up to 0% reduction or therabouts. After looking at the expenses, the vast majority of the excess was fast food spending again. Part of that is my fault... being at work full time, toddler, and doing renovations has just made it too much for me to cook. I can tell that my health is declining somewhat and I've stopped losing weight and possibly started to put some on again.
From a purely financial point of view, it still makes some sense for me to go to work... we still come out ahead even after garbage eating habits and daycare costs. I'm just not sure if it's worth the amount I'm effectively bringing home.
We spend about 30-35K a year (hubs isn't as on board with being frugal as I am, though some of the excess is my fault too). We probably won't cut that down too far which I realise is more MMM then ERE, but I'd like to stay married.

Question: If you only had one working spouse in your family, how much savings wouuld you have before the second pulls the plug? I intend to work part time after I quit the career somewhere just for a few extra dollars and the social interaction.

lilacorchid · Post by **lilacorchid** » Tue Nov 27, 2012 4:17 pm

Holy shit have we gone downhill. 10K on the house, daycare is wanting another 3K for the next half of the term (we pay more to have him walking distance from our house), house insurance has come up, Xmas gifts for the little ones, etc etc.
I am overwhelmed. My husband figures that what's another hundred if we are already thousands back in debt. *sigh* I'm sad that I will not begin the new year with some cash to start investing like I had said.
So far, I think me going back to work was a terrible idea. We spend 1K a month on daycare for our son and we eat out way too much because I'm not cooking at home during the day. I spend my evenings and weekend running around doing errands. I am currently trying to figure out a way to streamline so I can get some of my life back. This is not how I want to live.

Phayen · Post by **Phayen** » Tue Nov 27, 2012 10:39 pm

Hi Lilac. I can totally relate. We are a 2 adult 1 toddler family as well. We faced the decision of DW going back to work but opted against it for most of the reasons you have already mentioned. She could make more than the costs of daycare/eating out, but it wouldn't be much more. At that point it was a discussion if a few hundred bucks a month is worth not raising our own child and eating unhealthy.
I don't know too many particulars of your situation other than what's written above, but if its anything like ours, it was not a difficult decision once we laid out the true costs and opportunities. DW will go back o work once our kids are all in school (public = free) as she wants to for the social aspects. And then any money she makes would be extra as there wouldn't be daycare. Much less stress going forward and get to enjoy the time now with family.

lilacorchid · Post by **lilacorchid** » Wed Nov 28, 2012 4:48 pm

Thanks for your reply, Phayen. I had to go back for six months or pay back the extra money my company paid me during my mat leave (I never figured out how much, but it was between $10-20K). I'm currently half way through my jail sentance and I want to scream in frustration because I'm not about to leave my job with debt hanging over us. I think at most, I pull in an extra $500 a week after I factor in known expenses.
I feel like I'm stuck in a rut and I can't get out. At this point, I'm my own worst enemy. I have no energy at the end of the day to plan my escape or start a side business, even if I do have some time. The mental block I have right now is the worst part of all of this.

George the original one · Wed Nov 28, 2012 6:38 pm

If you're feeling overwhelmed, it's time to concentrate on the essentials. Obviously you have to keep working until the 'sentence' is finished (no good deed goes unpunished

.
Use your evenings to plan the weekend chores to be more efficient. Would it help to cook and freeze meals one day during the weekend so you're avoiding restaurant/fast food? What about buying edibles that require no cooking/prep, like nuts & raisins and packaged salad materials?
[On a finance note, clearing $500/week after expenses is $26k/yr. At 4% SWR, that's the equivalent of having $650k invested.]

lilacorchid · Post by **lilacorchid** » Wed Nov 28, 2012 7:03 pm

Good advice, George. I suspect I have less then that at the end of the week, but I have not had the energy to sit down and run the reports to find out, plus I'm waiting until I have three months of data. This weekend I will have a better idea of what I have left over and how much me going to work is costing us. In any case, I'm glad you pointed out it is not a burden! I'm just not sure it is worth the real hourly wage to be away from what I actually find worthwhile, which is family related.
I suppose I should go into survival mode so I can tell myself that pre-cut veg and frozen dinners are worth the extra money. I recognize that 99% of my problem right now is mental; now I just have to figure out how to get over it!

lilacorchid · Post by **lilacorchid** » Sat Dec 01, 2012 8:49 pm

Okay, now I see what the problem is: We spent $20K fixing up the house this year! That being said, half of it was for a new roof and the structural fixes on our back porch which is our utility room. Neither of those are things we feel comfortable doing or have experience with. The other $10K could have been double that if we hadn't used our own trades/labour.
There was other wasteful spending in there, but that was definitely the biggest expense outside the regular and fixed expenses. Another big surprise is that the average eating out expenses over the eight months I was at home was the same as the average eating out expenses as the three months I've been at work. Groceries cost more (I suspect due to more ready-to-eat or heat'n'eat type foods I buy now.)
And to clarify about the $500, I'm just not sure that's enough to take time away from my son. It's not just a cool $500 that shows up every week, it takes nearly 40 hours a week to earn it and it really cuts into my quality of life. I am happy I have it, but it feels a little like "no good dead unpunished".
Best news! I'm halfway through my forced work sentence. Woohoo!!!

lilacorchid · Post by **lilacorchid** » Wed Jan 02, 2013 5:23 pm

Ran the numbers for the year minus the last two days of the year, and I found that we would have come out even if it weren't for the roof and damaged porch that we had to fix this year.
Changes to our habits this year include:
1. Using cash for our "play" money. Mostly it will be my husband doing so as I can keep a running tally in my head, but I may be switching over too. It's just too easy to swipe a card, even if it does allow me to track things to the cent.
2. Take half our extra money and start an investment account. Although the math makes more sense to pay the debt we took on to fix our house, looking at our behaviours, it makes more sense to split up our extra money and work on savings and debt reduction at the same time. We have never ever touched our RSPs or our minimum chequing account balance since we saved all that, so I figured once I get it in that investment account, we're ahead of the game.
3. Take on side jobs. My husband is nearly ready to start taking on jobs, and I'm still trying to figure out a pricing scheme for my side jobs.
As far as arbitrary start and end times go, I get excited about the year end/beginning the most. Can't wait for tax season!

Happy New Year!

lilacorchid · Post by **lilacorchid** » Fri Feb 22, 2013 4:15 pm

Since this is my journal and effectively my party, I'll cry if I want to, and I plan to do so below.
I'm feeling really depressed about our current situation. Just a few short months ago, I was feeling pretty good about our situation. We weren't sitting on a pile of money, but we had made it through my mat leave with everything we owned paid off.
A few short months later, here we are with about $10k debt. I know it's not a lot, but it just seems like we have been carrying that since the summer. Daycare is eating up a lot of money. Then we had to fix the roof, porch, and just now, the water main. All that totalled $15K and we aren't even done yet. Now the yard is all torn up and we need to fix that, and it needs some major work (our drainage is toward the house, eep!).
All I see is money going out, out, OUT! I feel very trapped at work, even though I'm two weeks away from finishing up the six months I owed them for my mat leave pay. I am very disheartened that I have not been able to start investing yet this year. I was really looking forward to that hobby!
To follow up on the goals above:
1. The cash "play" money is working somewhat. My husband is very depressed with his job and has started eating out as a way to cope. (Not good for his pants either!) January was about 20% over our goal, this month we spent 2x our goal! Overall, our spending is down though. But not as much as it needs to be.
2. I have decided to siphon off some money to invest in something pretty safe. We have just been plowing through debt for the last two years and haven't put anything toward savings. Our net worth (other than the house) has stagnated. I figure the net cost of about 2.4% interest is worth just having that money somewhere where we don't touch it. Sort of the pay-yourself-first idea.
3. Side jobs has come to nothing. I'm not surprised actually. My husband is very good and leveling up his character in games, but doesn't not apply that to life at times. Right now, he has a cell that is costing us $30/mnth waiting for calls for side jobs. I am trying my hardest to leave this in his hands and not manage him, just like I had to learn all my money stuff by doing it too.
Any thoughts, ideas, questions, etc, are most welcome. I am feeling somewhat lost and pretty deflated right now.

GPMagnus · Post by **GPMagnus** » Sat Feb 23, 2013 7:36 pm

Lilac
I hear you! It is hard work - some of us find the FI/ERE harder than others for many reasons. The fact that you are aware is a moral victory and will eventually be a financial one as well!
To me it seems you've gotten into debt because of house maintenance issues. Two points are relevant here:
1. If you know your annual spending on this, do see if a good insurance policy won't cover you when you have a "10K problem" - insurance is exactly for those times we cannot afford to be without it.
2. See the yard fixing as an opportunity to do some DIY with your husband - it will give you both positive energy, help him fight off his growing waistline and could potentially be something he could do as a side job for others

LiquidSapphire · Post by **LiquidSapphire** » Mon Feb 25, 2013 5:46 am

I just wanted to tell you that I read your journal and feel your frustration. I wish I had more advice but I don't.
There are free stock games out there that you can play with play money with. Like, you start with $10,000 and you can fake buy some stocks and follow your portfolio and see how it does. It might help you get your feet wet while you save the first $1,000 or so.
Page Plus has a $10/100 minutes/4 months plan that sounds like it would work for your side jobs. Once you run out of 100 minutes or time (4 months) you just spend another $10.
Maybe you can have a conversation with him, something like, I think we're both a little down in the dumps right now, let's name one thing that the other person can do to help me feel better. You name something, he names something, and then work on it for a couple weeks (and do his too, even if it sets back FI/ERE) and then touch base and see where you are. You guys are in a huge transition mode and I just get this sense that you guys need to get into a better mental space before you can take this ERE thing head on. ERE is way more mental than a math/savings exercise, really. That's just my two cents, worth what you paid for it

best of luck to you.

lilacorchid · Post by **lilacorchid** » Mon Feb 25, 2013 10:57 pm

Thanks for repsonding!
GP - I've been in this house for ten years now, and this is the first time I've *had* to do maintenance, like right now, do not pass go. We had some money saved, but with three things at once, we were overwhelmed. My mom sells insurance and I don't think these kinds of things are covered. Besides, techinically, we won't lose the house or starve, our butts are just not covered right now if large expense #4 or 5 comes along. So I guess we are living like the rest of my neighbours right now?

In any case, I don't know how they do it...
Liquid - We did sort of have that conversation this weekend, but it probably wasn't as kind and gentle as you make it sound like it could have been. We have both been pretty stressed about money and to be honest, our marriage, so it's really hard to keep on saving when (for him) McD's warms his heart and tummy, and I keep on looking (but so far not buying) shiney baubles. The icing on the stress cake is my kitty (my first baby, she's been with me longer than my husband!) is sick and we are also discussing how far we are willing to take treatment. It's better to have this discussion before the vet starts offering us treatments so we know just how far we are willing to take things.
I am feeling a bit better today because we still haven't been billed for the water repair so I can pretend and hopefully we will have a few more paycheques (and maybe our tax return) in hand before we have to pay this bill.
My TLDR for this whole expenerience in the last month is I really hate living like this. I hate that I owe someone, and I really really REALLY hate feeling like I'm not free. I had no idea how much I would hate it once I was back in the middle of it. Just more motivation to pile up some money.

lilacorchid · Post by **lilacorchid** » Tue Feb 26, 2013 9:40 pm

Decided to spend some of my hours at work today figuring out what my fancy gov't pension actually means to me if I don't wait out the next 22 years before I can get it.
I also wandered over to the government of Canada's website which has a retirement calculator that will give you a general idea of how much you will need when you retire, including what you would get from them in terms of OAS, etc. It also allows you to input your pension and other earnings so you can see if any of it is subject to clawback.
Good news is between private and public pensions, I am covered for money at 65 until I croak. At 55, I can have 1/3 of my expenses covered. (This assumes that nothing changes and is in today's dollars.)
So now I just have to bridge the gap between 32 and 55. My husband and I have decided loosly that our retirment is at 40, which means we have about 7 years to save up 15 years worth of expenses. So still somewhat discouraging, but not as depressing as I thought it was.

LiquidSapphire · Post by **LiquidSapphire** » Wed Feb 27, 2013 9:54 pm

Sorry to hear that things are tough but hang in there. The only thing constant in life is change. It'll get better eventually.
7 years to save up 15 years of expenses is roughly a 50% savings rate, perhaps slightly lower. As time goes on you will find more things to tweak so I bet it takes less time. You'll notice most journals here became FI before they planned for a variety of reasons.
MMM and the MMM forum has a few threads about how to "convert" a spouse. The common thread seems to be to stop thinking/talking about your own dreams and to get him dreaming about what it would be like to not worry about money and get healthy. He needs motivation to stop going out for Fast Food every night, and if it is intrinsic, it works best. Extrinsic (e.g. what you want him to do) is not as effective and at worst creates resentment. Figure out what he wants in his retirement, and work on building that dream for him. Hopefully he will start to make changes on his own once he gets clarity there.

lilacorchid · Post by **lilacorchid** » Thu Feb 28, 2013 5:26 pm

LS - He's on board in his mind, but when he gets stressed, his stomach and gaming needs take over. He once lost 40 lbs just by giving up fast food, (I was very jealous, btw) so he knows what is waiting over the rainbow for him. He is just the type of person who doesn't plan and believes that life happens to him, and he has no control over it. There isn't much I can do about that other then *be* life happening to him, kwim?
As for our expenses, if anyone is interested, I could post some numbers and we could pick it apart. I've done it myself and if we both lost our jobs, we could (theroretically) get by on $1300/mnth (we would have to take our son out of daycare for that to happen) or less if I don't put away money for the large yearly expenses such as property tax or car insurance. As it is, we are on a budget to spend $2200 a month, plus $1000 daycare. (It be $880 by summer, then lower every year until he goes to school in 2016.) We always go over, and it's always the food budget, specifically the eating out budget. I've been traking our expenses by catagory since 2009, and I make our starting budget based on last year's average monthly expense. It's stayed pretty much the same, two years running even though we say every year, "We'll stop eating out so much!" I get tired of trying to change it.

lilacorchid · Post by **lilacorchid** » Wed Mar 06, 2013 3:35 pm

Happy Don't-Owe-Work-Any-More-Time Day to me!!! I'm done my six month sentence and can now quit without any financial penatly. Not that I will, but I heard rumours that the new head of my (large) business unit at work likes to clean house. I'm waiting for a package!

In other good fianacial news, the tax returns arrived yesterday so the water fix is now paid for, and the daycare bill was less then expected.
$8500 left. I'm still socking away $1K a month just because I'm tired of seeing my savings doing nothing.

lilacorchid · Post by **lilacorchid** » Mon Mar 11, 2013 8:26 pm

My husband quit his job today! No, there is no job to go to, though there are leads. But he just couldn't go in there anymore... too much bad blood, and it was affecting his life. He's gained weight and has been a real bear to deal with.
Getting our expenses down and getting rid of our debt has definitely helped make this possible. Now I wonder if I should get out of here and we should move somewhere else... *dreams*