How to up your EQ?

What skills to learn, what tools to get
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ThisDinosaur
Posts: 317
Joined: Fri Jul 17, 2015 9:31 am

How to up your EQ?

Post by ThisDinosaur » Thu Apr 20, 2017 3:26 pm

Other people are a black box to me. I'm frequently caught off guard by reactions to things I say and do. When conflicts with others aren't resolved easily, I tend to just find a way to work around them. This is usually perceived as arrogant and condescending. Then things get unpleasant.

I know the Myers Briggs test is popular around here, and its useful for the insight that other people think "differently." But the thought of trying to ID the MB "type" of everyone I meet and trying to remember the correct rules of engagement seems....exhausting.

Have you ever read anything/got any useful insight/resources that changed the way you approach interpersonal communication? Most of what I can find on the topic of EQ or empathy is either not evidence based, not actionable, or doesn't speak to my analytical-type thinking.

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Dragline
Posts: 4116
Joined: Wed Aug 24, 2011 1:50 am

Re: How to up your EQ?

Post by Dragline » Thu Apr 20, 2017 3:45 pm

You might find this to be useful: http://www.scienceofsuccess.co/show-not ... el-goleman

There are links to more resources/books there as well.

George the original one
Posts: 4129
Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:28 am
Location: Wettest corner of Orygun

Re: How to up your EQ?

Post by George the original one » Thu Apr 20, 2017 7:02 pm

ThisDinosaur wrote:
Thu Apr 20, 2017 3:26 pm
I know the Myers Briggs test is popular around here, and its useful for the insight that other people think "differently." But the thought of trying to ID the MB "type" of everyone I meet and trying to remember the correct rules of engagement seems....exhausting.
I don't bother trying to "type" people beyond whether their logic makes sense to me or not. If not, if they think "differently", then I merely remember that and tread more carefully if I need to interact with them. In a few cases, like a coworker I had, I made it a point to ask her whether what I was doing made sense to her or if she had a different opinion/reaction... the feedback from someone who thinks differently is useful even if you end up still going in your own direction.

The ground rules for her and I were that we understood we think very differently and to not make that a pressure point, rather we acknowledged it and confirmed that we wouldn't use the difference to berate each other. It led to us freely butting heads in the office, but we had built enough trust in each other that it was okay.

There were a couple others who could not establish that trust with me. They kept trying to undercut me when I wasn't present and that gets old.

7Wannabe5
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Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: How to up your EQ?

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Thu Apr 20, 2017 7:23 pm

Based on your report of the reactions you often receive from others, I would suggest that you might want to observe how often you verbalize in the form of a command or instruction. People who only speak when necessary sometime define "necessary" as something like "when I need to tell another person what to do." You won't get credit for all the many times you don't deem it necessary to communicate with another person, you will be judged on the percentage of your speech which is pleasant. Since most people prefer to self-direct, instructions are not deemed to be pleasant.

scriptbunny
Posts: 170
Joined: Sun Jan 05, 2014 3:46 pm

Re: How to up your EQ?

Post by scriptbunny » Thu Apr 20, 2017 8:24 pm

One of my bosses made all his employees read Difficult Conversations, and I'm glad he did. I've found it really helpful in identifying good practices for handling interpersonal conflict and creating constructive dialogue. It's a short, easy read and very actionable.

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