Gay, vegan, single, and ERE-focused.

pooablo · Post by **pooablo** » Sat Sep 24, 2011 4:09 pm

Hmmm...the odds are stacked against me. Assuming 5% (Gay), 50% (Men), 3% (Vegan and/or Vegetarian), 25% (Frugal Gene http://money.bundle.com/article/do-you-have-frugal-gene), 20% (25-45 Age Range), 50% (Taken), 7 billion people on the planet = 131,250 people.
Any takers?

m741 · Post by **m741** » Sat Sep 24, 2011 6:00 pm

I suspect that there's a fair correlation between gays and vegans. Does your partner need to be vegan?
I think you just need to live in the right place. San Fran, Portland... much of the west coast would boost your probability.

chilly · Post by **chilly** » Sat Sep 24, 2011 6:24 pm

Unfortunately a lot of the more (stereotypically?) well known gay friendly areas are pretty expensive. Maybe not coincidental - something to do with valuing taste and culture over pure frugality perhaps.

Anyway, Miami seems to be a good exception to that rule.

JohnnyH · Post by **JohnnyH** » Sat Sep 24, 2011 9:18 pm

I like your mathematical breakdown, but perhaps the best match is someone who is not like you. I tend to get along best with, and be most attracted to, people who are opposite of me

My most successful relationships tend to be on the opposite political and financial spectrum.
When I was was younger I couldn't put into words why I didn't like wasting money. Now I can; I work a job I don't like for money. Therefore, if I waste money I waste my life.
Laying that out early helped me explain the frugality people are taught to dislike.

rachels · Post by **rachels** » Sun Sep 25, 2011 6:14 am

Yay vegan. I compromised and got a SO who was omni. The odds of finding someone else vegan and compatible seemed too sad. I just volunteer to do the grocery shopping and most of the cooking and then we both wind up eating vegan anyway. You do have to find someone who's not the steak and mashed potato type, though.

FrugalZen · Post by **FrugalZen** » Sun Sep 25, 2011 1:25 pm

MMMmmm.....possible but I think you may be just a llllitttttllllle bit too far away for a "Coffee Date".
P.S. check out the movie of the same name...good comedy.

pooablo · Post by **pooablo** » Sun Sep 25, 2011 3:52 pm

@m741 I am open to dating non-vegans. I just wanted to see what the final number would be like if I factored in the vegan requirement: it was still larger than expected! I thought that I would have ended up with 10 people on the planet.
My first boyfriend was Jewish American but he didn't mind eating vegan food. I think the major issue for that relationship was that he was more of a spendthrift. I think that is one characteristic that I won't compromise on. I have seen my father marry and divorce two women who each probably cost him $50K-$60K a year. He has to make $5K in alimony payments to his former wife on a monthly basis! My partner will have to either a) be as frugal or more frugal than me; or b) wealthier than me.

If I get rid of the vegan requirement, my dating pool will go up 33X.
@chilly I live in Canada so unfortunately it would be difficult for me to move to Miami or the West Coast! Vancouver is expensive like San Francisco but the East Coast cities in Canada,Toronto and Montreal, aren't too expensive to live in. They have good public transit and cheap rent. You can find a bachelor for $650 a month in Toronto 20 minutes away from downtown by public transit.

I'll probably look into moving out there after I reach ERE.
@JohnnyH I certainly agree with you. I find that I have chemistry with people who are different. Like my comment to m741, the only thing I think that I wouldn't compromise on is the frugal aspect; I'd rather be single and FI rather than in a relationship and in debt!
@rachels Hehe, I don't mind doing the cooking and I did do most of the cooking when I dated my omni-ex.

I think it's fun to get your partner to try new things and to experiment with different foods. I think the most romantic thing to do is to go grocery shopping or the farmer's market with your SO. <3
@FrugalZen That is the nice thing with FI/ERE. Once you are FI, I think it makes it easier to find a partner! You aren't really tied to a job or a location anymore and it's easier to make those coffee dates! I will check out that movie! I hope my local library has a copy of it.

pooablo · Post by **pooablo** » Sun Sep 25, 2011 3:54 pm

@FrugalZen I couldn't find the movie at my local library.

I'll just read the synopsis on Wikipedia and imagine the storyline instead.

FrugalZen · Post by **FrugalZen** » Mon Sep 26, 2011 4:05 pm

It's a good movie...got it on Amazon (always check out the used ones first...LOL) I think it was a $5 one.
Now....What's this about being able to get a "bachelor" in Toronto for $650??? Sounds like my kind of frugal husband....LOL :>p!!!

Freedom_2018 · Post by **Freedom_2018** » Mon Sep 26, 2011 7:11 pm

From whatever I've learnt in my dating/relationship life. Crucial to have alignment on:
- Attitude towards money (more than just spending habits, i.e. do they view money as a resource that allows them more free time or is it something to be consumed and earned at ever increasing rates..i.e. "consumption obesity")
- Underlying psychological health: Glass half full or half empty? Victim of society, friends, boss, parental upbringing, circumstances etc. or belief in oneself as the prime determinant of one's destiny. Generally happy positive and personal growth oriented.
- Warm heart, flexible and wise versus petty, self-centered, ideologically fixated and highly opinionated (especially when not backed up by logic and/or relevant accomplishments)
- Helps if both are either morning or night people as well as desire to be in urban versus rural surroundings. Need for company of other people and social interaction.
Most other items are negotiable.
The best relationships though require almost no negotiation, they just seem to fit without much effort at all.

Camlann · Post by **Camlann** » Tue Sep 27, 2011 4:48 am

I'm just delighted to see other LGBTs have the ERE mindset. I found my gal less than a year ago. We're both in our 40s and focused on ERE. I can't believe I found someone who understands my goals.
And yes, opposites do attract. I'm a classic INTJ and she is the life of the party. You just never know what's going to make a perfect match.

palmera · Post by **palmera** » Tue Sep 27, 2011 3:23 pm

I dated a girl once. I could be vegan...with the occasional steak and bacon heh

Anyway, Toronto is totally gay vegan-friendly, but what's this about $650 bachelors 20 mins from downtown? Are we talking basement apartments out of the downtown core? Toronto is very expensive - I actually compare it in pricing (food, housing) to Paris. That's right, Paris.

pooablo · Post by **pooablo** » Tue Sep 27, 2011 11:48 pm

@palmera I was doing some searches on Craigslist for rentals in Toronto in the $650 range. I found a lot of basement apartments on Craigslist for that amount and many of them were close to the TTC subway or TTC streetcars. I think I did see some bachelor suites too; but I can't remember specifically as I like visit a lot of Craigslist sites for expensive cities around the world and see what I could rent in the $600 range.

I find the food cheap in Toronto but maybe that's because I usually eat in Chinatown or Markham (my aunt and uncle used to live in Markham).
Are you originally from Toronto? I live out west and grew up in Edmonton; but I totally love the Toronto vibe. It's like a cheaper version of New York for me.
@Camlann I am glad to hear that there are other LGBT ERE couples out there! How did you find your partner?

FrugalZen · Post by **FrugalZen** » Thu Nov 15, 2012 3:56 am

Trolling the old posts again...
What exactly is wrong with a Basement Apartment...other than no windows???
There are plenty of lights nowadays that mimic sunlight...GE Sunlight Flourescent is one and there are LED's made that way as well....not cheap to start but last so ever long.
And....a plus is a climate where it gets a "teeny, tiny bit cold", like Canada...a basement apartment would be warmer in the winter and cooler in the summer from the insulation of the surrounding earth. Thus lower electric, gas, or fuel oil bills.
As long as its not prone to being flooded I'd be all for it.

Christopherjart · Post by **Christopherjart** » Thu Nov 15, 2012 5:19 am

36, gay, ENFJ, Frugal, but I'm not vegan. I eat mostly veggies, but I don't feel like making the switch because I like eating a little meat with my veggies. so yeah gay people can be frugal just like non-gay people.

Dragline · Post by **Dragline** » Thu Nov 15, 2012 5:46 am

Knowing gay people used to be cache. Now its just banal. Just like inter-racial couples. Most thankfully.

FrugalZen · Post by **FrugalZen** » Thu Nov 15, 2012 6:41 am

How true on that Dragline.
55, Gay, not vegan by a long shot Chrisopher, and no idea which category outlined by Jacob that I fit in....maybe because I never sat down to figure it out...LOL!
Was always wondering what percentage of ERE'ers were LGBT...does it mirror the percentages of our perceived portion of the general population or are we under/over represented here??

ICouldBeTheWalrus · Post by **ICouldBeTheWalrus** » Fri Nov 16, 2012 6:07 am

The renewed activity on this thread made me think of http://what-if.xkcd.com/9/ (I love the conveyer belt drawing.)
Fortunately it's not so bad in reality, compatibility being somewhat more common.

pooablo · Post by **pooablo** » Fri Nov 16, 2012 9:27 pm

Xkcd is amazing. My jaw dropped when I read the article. Better to prepare oneself for a solitary stoic life than blissful matrimony. There'll certainly be less heartache by accepting randomness of romantic encounters.

sheepstache · Post by **sheepstache** » Mon Nov 19, 2012 2:32 am

Well if no one else from the meet-up will help you out then I will. Gentlemen, I can vouch that Pooablo is perfectly charming and attractive in real life.