I'm wondering what there ERE community tells themselves when they experience a setback, temporary or otherwise, to help keep things in perspective. I know Steve Jobs did this in one of his inauguration addresses by saying (paraphrased) that he knew he could die anytime and not to take his existence for granted.
Things I have told myself in the past:
-It's an incredible zillions to one odds to even exist as a human being, let alone be living in a first world country, let alone being an ERE minded person.
-Most people only just a few hundred years ago lived to an average age of about 30. So all this time now is gravy (I'm in my mid 30s)
-Any one of my past near misses from my youth could have taken me out of the game or severely impaired my enjoyment in the game (everyone has them, could have been anything..car accident, getting hitched to the wrong spouse etc) and I am fortunate enough to have made it through to be where I am now.
Would love to hear some others if you have them.
Rationalization liners you tell yourself when things don't go perfect
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stand@desk
- Posts: 398
- Joined: Sun Dec 08, 2013 9:40 pm
Re: Rationalization liners you tell yourself when things don't go perfect
"This, too, shall pass."
"A year from now, will this really matter? Will I even remember it?"
I generally find accepting reality and focusing and "here" and "now" quite powerful, as opposed to worrying about future / past.
"A year from now, will this really matter? Will I even remember it?"
I generally find accepting reality and focusing and "here" and "now" quite powerful, as opposed to worrying about future / past.
Re: Rationalization liners you tell yourself when things don't go perfect
At least the grasshoppers didn't eat all your crops, and the diphtheria didn't kill all your children.
No matter what happens, within 6 months you will likely return to your normal level of happiness.
No matter what happens, within 6 months you will likely return to your normal level of happiness.
Re: Rationalization liners you tell yourself when things don't go perfect
Resolving oneself to the new reality (setback) is part of the process but there are many other things to do as well. I try to look at it not so much from a perspective of what I can tell myself, but from a perspective of what I should ask myself.
1) What can I learn from this? Did I participate in the outcome of the setback and could I do something differently the next time? Making the same mistakes over and over is a common problem. I try to look carefully at the role I played in the setback and try to figure out ways to avoid doing the same thing again.
2) How can i make the setback a strength? Most setbacks produce, as a side effect, new opportunities. How can I use these opportunities to my benefit? Might it even be possible that the setback becomes (ahem) the best thing that ever happened to you? Not all opportunities need to be followed up on just because they are there, but it is good to know that the new reality is not all negative. It is tempting to stand at the newly closed door and pound on it in fury. Turn around and start looking for doors that have been opened by the setback.
3) Look for role models. Have others gone through similar setbacks successfully? If so, look to their example for guidance. Often, just knowing that others have survived a similar setback without being sucked into a self-destructive negative spiral is enough to keep going.
4) Laugh. The more serious it is, the more you should find the funny in it. How is this funny? If not, it might turn into the monster in the closet.
5) Ask yourself if it is useful to wear the setback t-shirt every day. Some people turn their setback into a big chunk of their identity. Be aware that once your realize that #2 works, it is tempting to take it too far. Just because you've got all those lemons doesn't mean that you have to become a full-time lemonade maker.
I believe that the, "this too shall pass" perspective shift comes naturally as a result of the process above. Trying to force a healthy perspective without applying curiosity to the reasons, opportunities, and funny aspects of the setback might be an example of missing the forest for the trees.
1) What can I learn from this? Did I participate in the outcome of the setback and could I do something differently the next time? Making the same mistakes over and over is a common problem. I try to look carefully at the role I played in the setback and try to figure out ways to avoid doing the same thing again.
2) How can i make the setback a strength? Most setbacks produce, as a side effect, new opportunities. How can I use these opportunities to my benefit? Might it even be possible that the setback becomes (ahem) the best thing that ever happened to you? Not all opportunities need to be followed up on just because they are there, but it is good to know that the new reality is not all negative. It is tempting to stand at the newly closed door and pound on it in fury. Turn around and start looking for doors that have been opened by the setback.
3) Look for role models. Have others gone through similar setbacks successfully? If so, look to their example for guidance. Often, just knowing that others have survived a similar setback without being sucked into a self-destructive negative spiral is enough to keep going.
4) Laugh. The more serious it is, the more you should find the funny in it. How is this funny? If not, it might turn into the monster in the closet.
5) Ask yourself if it is useful to wear the setback t-shirt every day. Some people turn their setback into a big chunk of their identity. Be aware that once your realize that #2 works, it is tempting to take it too far. Just because you've got all those lemons doesn't mean that you have to become a full-time lemonade maker.
I believe that the, "this too shall pass" perspective shift comes naturally as a result of the process above. Trying to force a healthy perspective without applying curiosity to the reasons, opportunities, and funny aspects of the setback might be an example of missing the forest for the trees.
Re: Rationalization liners you tell yourself when things don't go perfect
+1Ego wrote:
4) Laugh. The more serious it is, the more you should find the funny in it. How is this funny? If not, it might turn into the monster in the closet.
I actually think that finding something to laugh about every day -- and getting at least one other person to laugh or smile -- is one of the healthiest things you can do. It's free and its fun. So that's one of my unwritten daily goals.
The science behind "this too shall pass" is something called "hedonic adaptation". Basically, we are evolved to adjust our mental states to "neutral" in whatever environments we find ourselves. It just takes some time to adjust. This is why people living in desperate circumstances on trash heaps or in prisons can still experience happiness and, on the flip side, why improving your physical surroundings by buying stuff or living in the lap of luxury only provides a temporary happiness boost. Over time, you re-adapt to neutral, or whatever general state of happiness or misery that you usually occupy. It works quite well for the species as a whole because it makes us continue striving. But it creates constant battles for the individual.
Also on the OP, I think the time to prepare mentally for failure is before it occurs. If you are doing things like keeping a gratitude journal, certain stoic practices, meditation, prayer, etc. or somehow otherwise policing and reinforcing your general mental resilience, you will be able to handle setbacks more easily when they occur. It's really no different from maintaining physical health and thereby reducing the number of times you get sick.
Re: Rationalization liners you tell yourself when things don't go perfect
all these "humans used to starve all the time" and "look at the guy in a wheelchair play basketball" motivational thoughts don't work for brute at all.
brute's "rationalization" is realizing the truth: his living, mortal shell will die and wither pretty soon, everything and every human brute has ever cared for will turn back into dust, civilization will come to an end, and there will be nobody to remember humanity. then, the planet will be engulfed in flames as the sun explodes. all this will just be a tiny blip if one were to map level of entropy in the universe over time.
so it's really not that important.
brute's "rationalization" is realizing the truth: his living, mortal shell will die and wither pretty soon, everything and every human brute has ever cared for will turn back into dust, civilization will come to an end, and there will be nobody to remember humanity. then, the planet will be engulfed in flames as the sun explodes. all this will just be a tiny blip if one were to map level of entropy in the universe over time.
so it's really not that important.
Re: Rationalization liners you tell yourself when things don't go perfect
+1 ego
I think of failure as a learning process. Failure should be avoided but not feared to the point of inaction.
I think of failure as a learning process. Failure should be avoided but not feared to the point of inaction.
Re: Rationalization liners you tell yourself when things don't go perfect
To quote rapper: "I'm'a always end up as the man in the end"
When I find myself reacting too negatively (emotionally) about something I try to catch myself and ask "really? You're getting upset over this?" There's a good Aurelius quote on this from meditations. I may post it later if I get back around to it when I'm using my computer.
When I find myself reacting too negatively (emotionally) about something I try to catch myself and ask "really? You're getting upset over this?" There's a good Aurelius quote on this from meditations. I may post it later if I get back around to it when I'm using my computer.
Re: Rationalization liners you tell yourself when things don't go perfect
One of my life mottos is that "everything happens for a reason".
Everything that happens in life, both good and bad, is an opportunity to learn something new and design a better future.
Everything that happens in life, both good and bad, is an opportunity to learn something new and design a better future.
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IlliniDave
- Posts: 3872
- Joined: Wed Apr 02, 2014 7:46 pm
Re: Rationalization liners you tell yourself when things don't go perfect
-Fall seven times, get up eight.
-Wake up, put your feet on the floor, and start from there.
Actually those are things I say to other people when they feel bad about my little bumps in the road.
For myself, I shake my fist at the sky, then get to back to what I was doing before.
-Wake up, put your feet on the floor, and start from there.
Actually those are things I say to other people when they feel bad about my little bumps in the road.
For myself, I shake my fist at the sky, then get to back to what I was doing before.
Re: Rationalization liners you tell yourself when things don't go perfect
Reminds me of one of my favorite songs:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkFtSnjOr-A
"Pin your ear to the wisdom post
Pin your eye to the line
Never let the weeds get higher
Than the garden
Always keep a sapphire in your mind
Always keep a diamond in your mind"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkFtSnjOr-A
"Pin your ear to the wisdom post
Pin your eye to the line
Never let the weeds get higher
Than the garden
Always keep a sapphire in your mind
Always keep a diamond in your mind"
Re: Rationalization liners you tell yourself when things don't go perfect
Up until today, my takeaway was: gotta get behind the Mule.Dragline wrote:Reminds me of one of my favorite songs:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkFtSnjOr-A
"Pin your ear to the wisdom post
Pin your eye to the line
Never let the weeds get higher
Than the garden
Always keep a sapphire in your mind
Always keep a diamond in your mind"
You want something? You do something to get it.
Re: Rationalization liners you tell yourself when things don't go perfect
That is the main action, as the verses are all about bad things happening with the refrain being about perservence to keep going.
But the mental impetus to continue getting behind the mule reflected in the last stanza is fundamentally what you are looking to cultivate. I've always like the weeds/garden analogy because it implies that this is something that is not too complicated to do, but has to be done repeatedly as a habit to be effective.
But the mental impetus to continue getting behind the mule reflected in the last stanza is fundamentally what you are looking to cultivate. I've always like the weeds/garden analogy because it implies that this is something that is not too complicated to do, but has to be done repeatedly as a habit to be effective.
Re: Rationalization liners you tell yourself when things don't go perfect
One day you will wake up and this will all just be a dream.
Re: Rationalization liners you tell yourself when things don't go perfect
One of my favorite quotes is Beckett's "Fail. Fail again. Fail better."
I also like to practice what I call "defining success down." Businesses seem to do this all the time.
I also like to practice what I call "defining success down." Businesses seem to do this all the time.
Re: Rationalization liners you tell yourself when things don't go perfect
I had a pretty crappy month of July and it has continued into August. The controller on our water heater went out last night, only a year after buying it.
At first I was a bit upset (mostly because we planned to use the new shower today) but I focused on something positive instead - I still have clean running water which is more than many billions can say. I also have the skill to fix the problem. Trying to shift your perspective on whatever is causing you stress can help a lot.
At first I was a bit upset (mostly because we planned to use the new shower today) but I focused on something positive instead - I still have clean running water which is more than many billions can say. I also have the skill to fix the problem. Trying to shift your perspective on whatever is causing you stress can help a lot.