76K for a Manhattan wedding

[cmonkey]

People spend an average of 76,328 bucks to get married in Manhattan. I knew NYC was expensive but really?

That's how much I spent for my home.

It doesn't stop there though!


North/Central New Jersey: $53,986

Chicago: $50,934

Philadelphia: $44,090

San Francisco: $39,690

Boston: $38,665

Los Angeles: $37,317

Baltimore: $34,409

Houston: $33,809

San Diego: $32,941

Pittsburgh: $32,359

[Dragline]

I would suspect that this figures are misleading as they probably do not account for people who do not have a "traditional" wedding and include extremely expensive outliers on the top end.

The median would be more meaningful to know. But the "average" would be more palatable to publicize for the wedding planning industry, because it encourages people to spend more. Note that the data comes from this site, which is the business of promoting wedding spending: https://www.theknot.com/

Moreover, since the venue is half the cost according to the article's video, it would be easy to shave that to almost nothing.

[jennypenny]

That number seems low to me, honestly. (not that I think someone should spend that much) My SIL does planning and custom invitations and I'm always shocked at what people spend. The increase in cost seems to be the popularity of planning wedding events that span an entire weekend. Adding excursions, a golf tourney, and a post-nuptial brunch to the usual rehearsal dinner and wedding reception can double the cost.

OTOH, a couple can tie the knot Cinderella-style in front of 150 guests for @$60K, including the music, photographer, Princess dress, character visits, a private reception overlooking the castle, confetti cannons, a private fireworks cruise, and a ride to the chapel in Cinderella's carriage. Seems like a bargain.

[GandK]

Does it strike anyone else as odd that people would go so overboard with a wedding these days when a lot of the same people don't seem to think the institution of marriage is important? Seriously.

I could see making a great big deal out of your wedding in the old days. For many people (especially women), it was the line between living with one's parents and striking out on one's own. It was a huge, life-changing event! But now, when almost everyone has been on their own for a decade before they marry, and they've been living with their marriage partner already for a chunk of that time, and pretty much the only thing in their life that changes when they marry therefore is the manner in which they file their taxes... why spend five and six figures on a wedding? Especially when they likely have that amount and more in consumer debt?

Because their mother had a big wedding? Because their friends did? Because Kim Kardashian did? Because people will assume they can't afford it if they don't? (Just thinking aloud here.)

[billc]

My in-laws paid for most of our wedding in Baltimore exurbs. About 150 attendees. Cost was around $30,000.

It was sad to see that kind of money spent, but they have plenty of money and they pushed for a larger guest list.

It was certainly a very nice event - but would not have been considered over the top by typical upper-middle class american standards.

[Dragline]

Yes, ours was kind of "wrapped up in the family" as well. We just focused on the ceremony itself and had one groomsman and one maid of honor in a little church with one aisle.

My mother-in-law wanted to have a big family extravaganza, so we let her do that. Everybody was happy. She was lucky not too many of my 88 cousins could actually make it, though.

[cmonkey]

We had a full blown wedding with close to 100+ guests and we spend maybe 4-5K tops. The most expensive thing was the engagement ring (1K paid with cash from my first internship ) and if you don't count that we probably spent 3-4K. That is a BIG maybe. I wasn't as into tracking expenses back then and the in-laws purchased most of it but I can remember what many things cost. Costs to us (the DW and I only) were definitely less than 2K.

Photos came out to about 1K, but we choose the best photographer available and didn't mind the money since we were cheap on everything else. Photos are the only thing that last from a wedding.

Decorations were all bought on clearance and handmade stuff. Food was bought in bulk and made by family members. We didn't have any alcohol (a great cost reduction! ). The reception hall, which was the local community center, and the flowers, were each a few hundred. Dress was a few hundred.

These folks spending tens of thousands are clearly on a different plane of existence.

[SimpleLife]

The people that spend that kind of money on something that has a surprisingly high rate of failure, make me question their judgement. Somehow they managed to come up with the money for these things though, so they must be smart in other ways I guess. I just question the wisdom of people who decide at 18 that they are going to spend the rest of their life with this person they met 8 months ago, even though it has devastating consquences if you grow assets during the marriage or inherit some, then get divorced 10 years later, if you last that long.

Or you could be like one of my aquaintances, and have your parents pay for your graduate degree and wedding (known), not to mention probably health expenses and car (suspected), well into your thirties...like a child.

[jennypenny]

I just question the wisdom of people who decide at 18 that they are going to spend the rest of their life with this person they met 8 months ago, even though it has devastating consequences if you grow assets during the marriage or inherit some, then get divorced 10 years later, if you last that long.

It's worth the risk to some of us. DH and I might have been foolish to commit so young, but Halloween marks 30 years together, so I guess at least we're committed fools.

We would have loved a tiny wedding, but our parents wanted a big production. I can't say we enjoyed it much. I had one of the worst panic attacks of my life in the limo before the ceremony, and the reception was only tolerable because of copious alcohol consumption. We left as soon as the requisite reception nonsense was over and were on a plane to sunnier climes before the reception even ended. I heard everyone had a good time and partied late into the night at my parents' house. I'm glad they had fun, but I don't feel like I missed anything and I'd never agree to it again.

[George the original one]

DH and I might have been foolish to commit so young, but Halloween marks 30 years together, so I guess at least we're committed fools.

LOL, "but you can retire after 30 years"
***
We eloped to Nevada. Her parents were in Russia on a cruise. Sep 11, 2001. Yeah, timing is everything!

We did have a large catered gathering (50 people?) at a nice facility at her parents' expense once they returned from their journey. Didn't waste money on photographer or band, but there was a top notch cake, food, and florals. Not more than $5k spent as I recall.

Wheaton scales apply... I can't imagine spending more than that unless you have more people or it's a business expense for someone.

[cmonkey]

The people that spend that kind of money on something that has a surprisingly high rate of failure.

I would assume there is an inverse correlation between the amount spent and the length of said wedding.

Halloween marks 30 years together, so I guess at least we're committed fools.

Congratulations, that is a long time. We are working on our 6th year and it has flown by way too quickly IMO.

[GandK]

I would assume there is an inverse correlation between the amount spent and the length of said wedding.

Ooh...I hope so. We spent about $500.

[Ego]

I would assume there is an inverse correlation between the amount spent and the length of said wedding.

Evidence to support your theory.

The one number that’s eerily good at predicting your success in love
http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk ... s-in-love/

We had our reception under a rented tent in the park at the bay where my sailboat was moored. It was a big wedding but we had family supply things like flowers, photographer, dress, invitations, and mariachi in lieu of gifts. Because we had it in a park we were free to use an inexpensive caterer rather than being locked in to the few caterers approved by the venue. One of my boater friends dressed like a gondolier, sailed my boat to the dock and sailed us back to the mooring where we spent our honeymoon. Early the next morning we were visited by another of my neighbors in the free-anchorage, a flamboyant transvestite, who dropped off breakfast and gave us marriage advice.

[JamesR]

She was lucky not too many of my 88 cousins could actually make it, though.

88 cousins? Are you the seventh son of a seventh son, imbued with the mystical powers of ERE?


Speaking of attending weddings..

Am I an asshole for not going to a good friend's wedding in Florida? It would cost minimum $1k to go there for just a couple nights. (I didn't even hear about the wedding until the last minute but I could've gone.. decided to cop out though).

[Noided]

She was lucky not too many of my 88 cousins could actually make it, though.

88 cousins? Are you the seventh son of a seventh son, imbued with the mystical powers of ERE?


Speaking of attending weddings..

Am I an asshole for not going to a good friend's wedding in Florida? It would cost minimum $1k to go there for just a couple nights. (I didn't even hear about the wedding until the last minute but I could've gone.. decided to cop out though).

It's all about social expectations. In our society you are expected to go to the weddings no matter what. Some people are decent and either don't put others in that situation, or completely understand if they can't come.

But to most people weddings are this big thing so you are a terrible person for not coming.

[GandK]

Am I an asshole for not going to a good friend's wedding in Florida? It would cost minimum $1k to go there for just a couple nights. (I didn't even hear about the wedding until the last minute but I could've gone.. decided to cop out though).

Absolutely not. It's bad manners not to give guests sufficient notice for weddings because they are so expensive.

If you're worried about their thoughts on the subject, I'd send a card (the paper kind, not an e-card!) and say something like, "Guys, I'm sorry I couldn't raise the cash to get there on short notice. I really wish I could've come and celebrated with you in person. Best of luck to you both, and I hope we can get together soon."

[Dragline]

She was lucky not too many of my 88 cousins could actually make it, though.

88 cousins? Are you the seventh son of a seventh son, imbued with the mystical powers of ERE?

Close. My mother was #7 in her family, but I'm just a #4.