Sclass said: My extended family is polluted by these long term dalliances. Rent to own is a bad option IMHO. Things are very complicated now for me and my half siblings.
THe men in my family who do this have it down to a science. It's like employment. If you pay too much they will leave. If you pay too little they'll leave. They have played it that way till the eve of their deaths. Now we have a bunch of nervous hang arounds trying to jockey for "guarantees ". It's sick.
Right, but if you flow chart all the other options from the perspectives of all of the participants in the system, what do you arrive at? For better or worse, I have been in almost every position on the field at some point in my life. I even had a brief relationship with a man who was 12 years younger than me, had been laid off from his engineering position, and wanted some of my insight into starting his own business. I knew it wouldn't work, but he finally got me with "I think you are pretty AND cool." In spite of repeated attempts to alter my behavior in the direction of role models such as KashDoll or Cokie Roberts, my extreme core dorky-ness prevents me from maintaining the posture of "the cool one" for more than about 5 minutes. Also, the business we were going to start together was based on one of my more whimsical ideas which was the production and marketing of hypa-tufa porch-ornament animals which would be like concrete geese, but for people who didn't live in rural trailer parks. So, he dumped me for a bartender with a very assertive manner who was a couple years younger than him.
Anyways, I think when you communicate "rent to own" is a bad option, this is because it is kind of like choosing to robot invest in an index fund. Taleb said you should always "lease" the 3 Fs, not "rent to own" them. The funny thing is that I am obviously always looking out for my own self-interest when I am in relationship, but I also tend towards not respecting men who don't look out for their own self-interest too. I mean, I am a super-great person who can sometimes behave in a charming manner, so I can grok why somebody might fall madly in love with me, but if he started throwing his money, or other resources, recklessly in my direction, then that is just like a man who can't handle his liquor. So, bit of a Catch-22.
I am supposed to meet with my older, married, quite affluent, ex-polyamour who is still madly in love with me this afternoon. My current BF who is closer to my age and financial peer (3 vs. 11 years difference, 6 digits not 7) and not madly in love with me, once "kept" a much younger woman when he was working overseas for a couple years, so he just laughed and said "Of course, he wants to get back with a sweet, young thing like you. Is he going to leave his wife?" Since many years ago, I was also in the role of the wife in an egalitarian relationship with a husband who was considering a dalliance with a younger woman, I believe that it may cause the teeth of many of my "sisters" to gnash when I reveal that on my second date with this man, he said something like "Correct me if I am wrong, but I believe that I make a great deal more money than you, and my wife also earns a very good income, so I would like to offer to pick up the bill for any expenses involved in our relationship." I am in one of my more Nihilist moods today, so I am trying to think up some demand that is completely outrageous, since making myself look ugly and communicating curt-dismissive didn't work. I was a bit in love with him, so I have to use some caution.
What it comes down to is how are you ever going to stop a monkey from using any tool it has at hand to get the piece of fruit that it wants?