"Skin Hunger" - is affection required for most people to feel fully nourished?

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Olaz
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"Skin Hunger" - is affection required for most people to feel fully nourished?

Post by Olaz » Mon Mar 06, 2017 8:36 pm

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/af ... can-do-you

Popular source, but interesting idea nonetheless. I am inclined to agree that a high-stress work environment combined with minimal affection at least leads me to a semi-productive depression, even while I might exercise, eat healthfully, and spend time with non-physical friends.The trouble is, meaningful affection is significantly harder to come by than kale or push-ups, especially in a generally non-affectionate and screen-driven society. In fact, outwardly saying that one "needs" affection might very well be perceived as that person being needy. What can we do about it?

  • Three out of every four adults agree with the statement, “Americans suffer from [lack of affection].”
    More Americans live alone than ever before.
    One in four Americans reports not having not a single person to talk to about important issues.
    Loneliness among American adults has increased 16 percent in the last decade.
----------------------

Here's another from Broadly/Vice: https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/ ... k-of-touch

scriptbunny
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Re: "Skin Hunger" - is affection required for most people to feel fully nourished?

Post by scriptbunny » Mon Mar 06, 2017 11:02 pm

Children, particularly young infants and toddlers, that undergo touch deprivation often suffer from developmental delays. It's one of the primary ways humans show affection. I feel like it should go without saying that adults need touch too.

One thing I wish is that people would take more seriously the idea of professional/paid-for cuddling. I think it often gets painted as a euphemism for sex work, adding to the stigma and preventing people from getting help that they may need/might not be able to get if they don't have a robust, close social circle.

James_0011
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Re: "Skin Hunger" - is affection required for most people to feel fully nourished?

Post by James_0011 » Mon Mar 06, 2017 11:12 pm

What do you mean?, people get massages all the time.

7Wannabe5
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Re: "Skin Hunger" - is affection required for most people to feel fully nourished?

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Tue Mar 07, 2017 7:42 am

Oddly, I wasn't aware that this service had been monetized, even though I sometimes joke about being "paid" for providing it. I guess I could see it coming when I met a couple young GFE (girlfriend experience) escorts 5 or 6 years ago. It really is true that sometimes men pay for sex when what they want from a female is a social companion, cuddle-buddy or empathetic-listener/therapist. This is especially true of middle-aged men in recovery from the trauma of divorce. My going rate for 2 hours of empathetic-listening and a bit of IMHO quite good advice is dinner at my favorite Thai restaurant followed by French Vietnamese Au Lait. So, CLEARLY, just as with my choice to teach the refugee, inner-city project children, I consider this work to also count towards my overall community/social service hours-lol.

https://www.pastemagazine.com/articles/ ... o.html?p=2

Anyways, in my experience, although it is true that there is a minority of single people who chronically have difficulty with getting their touch need met (maybe 10% population?), the majority of touch deprived adults are individuals who are stuck in bad/dead marriages (maybe 20% population?) Also, human beings do vary in their desire/craving for touch, their tendency to get "touched out", and their resilience to hang happy with or without it to some extent. IOW, as an individual you can choose to work on increasing both your ability to self-comfort AND also your ability to reduce your tendency towards getting "touched out" or repulsing of physical contact from others(s)) due to stress/anger/fear-leading-to-rigid-boundary-formation. One of the most frequent sort of crises in long-term relationships results when one partner is not getting something he/she needs(such as empathetic listening), so then unconsciously shuts down to what their partner needs (such as physical touch), this gridlock may go on for years until one partner chooses to get need met from third party, and then suddenly it's like a dam bursts or a pendulum starts to swing wildly.

I sometimes find "cat" or "reptilian" types sexually and/or intellectually attractive, but I generally only last around 6 months without wanting to be with somebody who is more cuddly, so I wouldn't choose to enter into long-term monogamous contract with one of these types. Of course, I can only last around 6 weeks with somebody who is cuddly, but not sexual,so...? In fact, one of the reasons I attempted the practice of polyamory was so that I could find more ideal partners for the 4 aspects of relationship described in "Designer Relationships: A Guide to Happy Monogamy, Positive Polyamory, and Optimistic Open Relationships." as Sexual, Emotional, Social and Practical. It seems to me that it would make best sense to have your primary partner be your cuddle-buddy, if you are more "dog" than "snake", since that is the partner you would likely sleep with most nights. Of course, some people who are "dogs" are okay with actually having a dog for a cuddle-buddy. I am outer-spoon and inner-spoon cuddly, so I liked sleeping with my babies too.

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Gilberto de Piento
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Re: "Skin Hunger" - is affection required for most people to feel fully nourished?

Post by Gilberto de Piento » Tue Mar 07, 2017 9:02 am

"Skin hunger" sounds creepy.

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Dragline
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Re: "Skin Hunger" - is affection required for most people to feel fully nourished?

Post by Dragline » Tue Mar 07, 2017 10:20 am

7Wannabe5 wrote: My going rate for 2 hours of empathetic-listening and a bit of IMHO quite good advice is dinner at my favorite Thai restaurant followed by French Vietnamese Au Lait.
Sounds like a bargain. Now if it were a French restaurant . . . ;)

halfmoon
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Re: "Skin Hunger" - is affection required for most people to feel fully nourished?

Post by halfmoon » Tue Mar 07, 2017 10:33 am

Yet another life problem that can be solved with three magic words: get a dog. :D

Alternatively, Olaz could become a dog sitter on the side, soak up endless lovin', and get paid!
Last edited by halfmoon on Tue Mar 07, 2017 11:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Dragline
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Re: "Skin Hunger" - is affection required for most people to feel fully nourished?

Post by Dragline » Tue Mar 07, 2017 10:37 am

halfmoon wrote:Yet another life problem that can be solved with three magic words: get a dog. :D

Alternatively, Zalo could become a dog sitter on the side, soak up endless lovin', and get paid!
There seems to be a theme here. :lol:

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Olaz
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Re: "Skin Hunger" - is affection required for most people to feel fully nourished?

Post by Olaz » Tue Mar 07, 2017 11:58 am

Gilberto de Piento wrote:"Skin hunger" sounds creepy.
Agreed, reminded me of zombies : )

ducknalddon
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Re: "Skin Hunger" - is affection required for most people to feel fully nourished?

Post by ducknalddon » Tue Mar 07, 2017 12:32 pm

My neighbors teenage daughter works in a pub with a regular flow of retirees at lunch times. She has discovered she will get a much bigger tip if she touches them on the arm when she takes their orders.

halfmoon
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Re: "Skin Hunger" - is affection required for most people to feel fully nourished?

Post by halfmoon » Tue Mar 07, 2017 11:24 pm

@ducknalddon, this is brilliant. I can clearly visualize the effect.

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Ego
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Re: "Skin Hunger" - is affection required for most people to feel fully nourished?

Post by Ego » Wed Mar 08, 2017 7:57 am

halfmoon wrote:Yet another life problem that can be solved with three magic words: get a dog. :D
Every time I see the get-a-dog recommendation it reminds me of Temple Grandin's hug machine.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hug_machine

halfmoon
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Re: "Skin Hunger" - is affection required for most people to feel fully nourished?

Post by halfmoon » Wed Mar 08, 2017 9:52 am

Ego wrote:
halfmoon wrote:Yet another life problem that can be solved with three magic words: get a dog. :D
Every time I see the get-a-dog recommendation it reminds me of Temple Grandin's hug machine.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hug_machine
Interesting concept, but the machine needs features that lick your hand and gaze soulfully into your eyes before it can compete with a dog. :P Seriously, though: I wonder how autistic people react to dogs. Too much input?

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Dragline
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Re: "Skin Hunger" - is affection required for most people to feel fully nourished?

Post by Dragline » Thu Mar 09, 2017 4:39 pm

BTW, the average dog is shrinking while the average person grows larger: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-d0rwF6m_s

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Ego
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Re: "Skin Hunger" - is affection required for most people to feel fully nourished?

Post by Ego » Thu Mar 09, 2017 4:56 pm

Dragline wrote:BTW, the average dog is shrinking while the average person grows larger: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-d0rwF6m_s
Funny you should mention it. I saw this article the other day questioning why it is people are buying certain breeds that have undergone extensive selective breeding for certain characteristics (size for instance) and, as a result, are prone to terrible genetic problems.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/an ... ly-get-hot

Scroll down for results to the survey. Quite interesting.

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Dragline
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Re: "Skin Hunger" - is affection required for most people to feel fully nourished?

Post by Dragline » Thu Mar 09, 2017 5:33 pm

Ego wrote:
Dragline wrote:BTW, the average dog is shrinking while the average person grows larger: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-d0rwF6m_s
Funny you should mention it. I saw this article the other day questioning why it is people are buying certain breeds that have undergone extensive selective breeding for certain characteristics (size for instance) and, as a result, are prone to terrible genetic problems.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/an ... ly-get-hot

Scroll down for results to the survey. Quite interesting.
It's all about anthropomorphism. Sounds like some would be better off with a human baby. I have known a number of people over the years who seem to intentionally adopt animals with medical problems. And then wonder why they take so much time and cost so much.

I had to laugh, though, because our current dog is a Chihuahua. But she was free and is abnormally large for the breed (about 15 pounds) and the opposite of show-worthy, so she doesn't seem to have a lot of the problems that the really small ones have. Except for pooping in the house when she's mad about something. She's also really stupid, but that's part of her charm and makes her a lot easier to deal with. Our old dog was very smart and got extremely neurotic in her old age.

Felipe
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Re: "Skin Hunger" - is affection required for most people to feel fully nourished?

Post by Felipe » Wed Mar 15, 2017 1:21 am

The isolation gets dangerous at some point for some people. Some like to hermit but when just born, touch is a requirement for healthy brain development.

I feel better now that I cuddle multiple times a week with my lover.

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