Health of Sex toys?

[TopHatFox]

Hee hee, what's the verdict? Good for you, bad for you, taboo to talk about?

Fun things like cock rings, little bullet vibrators, the "magic wand", hemp rope, blind folds, hand cuffs, strap-ons, etc.

It seems that if care is taken with the proper use and hygiene of sex toys, that vanilla sex/foreplay is not taken for granted, and that the emotional connection between partners is also not taken for granted, then they're okay and fun to use. Plus they're pleasurable, which in conventional culture doesn't seem to be solely OK unless if it leads to long-term monogamy or marriage (at least beyond the college years).

Thoughts on sex toys?

[Dragline]

YMMV. Suggest you look at the "School of Life" videos about fetishes and the like for psychological explanations. I found them edifying.

But whenever I ask doctors to tell funny stories about things they have seen or heard of in their professions, they often revolve around misuse of such devices that end up with people in emergency rooms in embarrassing situations. So be careful out there!

[7Wannabe5]

Eh, I don't like them because they leave too little to the imagination, and can sometimes be used as poor substitute for physical vigor, intelligent practice, skillful technique, innate talent and/or simply going to the trouble of relating to another human being. Once these factors are maximized, if you find that you do still want some accessories, much easier and less expensive to just rummage through the house. Also, to paraphrase John Updike, "You know the relationship is about over when you are fucking each other with vegetables."

[RealPerson]

Also, to paraphrase John Updike, "You know the relationship is about over when you are fucking each other with vegetables."

I almost choked on my breakfast. That is hilarious. Thanks for sharing.

[Dragline]

+1

[jennypenny]

Why would buy a gadget to do something you can do with a human-powered tool? Doesn't seem very ERE-like.

[TopHatFox]

Why would buy a gadget to do something you can do with a human-powered tool? Doesn't seem very ERE-like.

Well, ideally the tool is an intelligent, skillful, and pleasurable extension of human power. For instance, doing any form of human-powered foreplay while in bondage via handcuffs or rope can be more pleasurable than without, if in the mood. Or combining human-powered oral w/ bullet vibrators on other sensitive spots can be more stimulating than without, too. Cock rings make more than one partner at a time human-poweredly possible, though I suppose that one can be a crutch for not training the keegal muscles.

Aha, I'm surpised there aren't any (or many?) open kink community friends on this forum, even w/ anonymous usernames.

@7wannabe: I almost spit out my tea! Maybe the vegetables can be saved for a nice warm meal with snuggling and talking afterwards...

[daylen]

Aha, I'm surpised there aren't any (or many?) open kink community friends on this forum, even w/ anonymous usernames.

Start a new thread asking everyone what their kink is.

[TopHatFox]

Haha, maybe I should. I can see it now....

"one-handed kettlebell crunches while eating lentil soup and eyeing my SWR and networth on excel -- awwe yeah"

[slowtraveler]

A fun complement to a relationship, another space to let imagination run wild.

I went through a phase of getting many different types-only one pair of cuffs, rope, blindfolds, plugs, and a strap have stayed.

I think fruits are more enjoyable than vegetables here. . there's something so tantalizing about gently guiding strawberries into my lover then having her push them into my mouth.

[enigmaT120]

My kink is consent.

[Miss Lonelyhearts]

Aha, I'm surpised there aren't any (or many?) open kink community friends on this forum, even w/ anonymous usernames.

I think you may be running up against the limits of polite conversation for the members of this forum, which skews older and more conservative than the demographic of the communities you mentioned (not that exceptions don't exist).

As to the original question, I think a laissez faire attitude is appropriate. Do what is healthy and pleasurable. Don't use devices for purposes beyond what they are intended for, don't buy cheaply made (and potentially faulty) products, and know what you're doing before you start doing it. Incidents like those that Dragline alluded to are the result of misuse because of ignorance or carelessness. Erica Moen and Dan Savage are good sources for guidelines to safe and healthy use.

[TopHatFox]

My kink is consent.

Agreed, consent is essential (and sadly not often practiced) in "vanilla" interactions and settings (bars, frat parties, etc.), and especially emphasized in the kink community (e.g. explicit rather than implicit communication of norms, overlapping desires, etc.).

@ Miss Lonelyhearts: I think you're right, though on that point of the limits of polite conversation, I suppose I like pushing the envelope (in a productive and educative way)~. Healthy sexuality and relationships are essential for an enjoyable ERE, and exploring more facets of that than at first socially acceptable could be useful - is part of the drive of ERE not taking different life factors for granted? This is an interesting topic to tag w/ tattoos and piercings as well.

[daylen]

@ Miss Lonelyhearts: I think you're right, though on that point of the limits of polite conversation, I suppose I like pushing the envelope (in a productive and educative way)~. Healthy sexuality and relationships are essential for an enjoyable ERE, and exploring more facets of that than at first socially acceptable could be useful - is part of the drive of ERE not taking different life factors for granted? This is an interesting topic to tag w/ tattoos and piercings as well.

+1 The forum ceases to become unique the moment it condemns certain topics from scrutiny.

[C40]

The problem with sex discussions here is the permanence of what we write. Every post here is likely archived in many places around the web, and may still exist well past all of our deaths. Members are deterred by the awareness that there could be a day when our statements here are connected to our own actual identities AND shared with whichever people we don't want them to be. I'd guess that the interest in sex in general, and in non-vanilla sex is higher among forum members than the general population. (Part of my opinion is related to the high numbers of INTJs, who, as skill builders, are likely to focus on improving their sexual skills and knowledge, and because of my memories of the #ERE chat days, described below)

Forum members used to log into a certain IRC chat channel (#ERE, I think). There might be a couple forum members on it at any given time, and every so often, someone in the forum would designate a certain day as a ~ chat meetup. (someone would post "ok, let's declare this Sunday afternoon as a time to meet up on the chat"). It was the same people, talking about ERE and related things. What you say in a chat channel is much less permanent than a forum post. Without that permanence, discussions of sex happened regularly.

[The Old Man]

The problem with sex discussions here is the permanence of what we write.

+1
We all have to be watchful of the dangers of DOXXing.

[C40]

The problem with sex discussions here is the permanence of what we write.

+1
We all have to be watchful of the dangers of DOXXing.

And especially doXXXing!

[daylen]

The problem with sex discussions here is the permanence of what we write. Every post here is likely archived in many places around the web, and may still exist well past all of our deaths. Members are deterred by the awareness that there could be a day when our statements here are connected to our own actual identities AND shared with whichever people we don't want them to be.

..but why the lack of alarm when exposing financial situation in detail? Sharing financial information could make you a target of theft; what is a potential effect of sharing information about sexual preferences? Embarrassment perhaps, or the filtering of potential partners?

It is all a matter of perspective of course, and I find perspectives interesting.

[C40]

..but why the lack of alarm when exposing financial situation in detail? Sharing financial information could make you a target of theft; what is a potential effect of sharing information about sexual preferences? Embarrassment perhaps, or the filtering of potential partners?

It is all a matter of perspective of course, and I find perspectives interesting.

I was thinking about that too.. First, many people don't share financial details here for that reason. This being a personal finance forum, the only people who do post here are ones comfortable talking about personal finance. If one of us would post on a sex/kink forum inviting members ther to talk about their debt, net worth, spending, income, etc, they might not be all that talkative..

The main things that people don't discuss much publicly are:
- Their money
- Their sex life
- Then, but much less universally, religion and politics. (these are more like things people don't discuss in order to not cause alienation.. the first two are not discussed for more personal reasons)

[7Wannabe5]

Obviously, I think this is a realm in which the cultural adoption of a higher level of transparency would likely prove beneficial. Not so much due to taking kinks out of the closet, but more due to people feeling freer to reveal, discuss and thereby come up with solutions to simple problems they may be having. For instance, in the large contingent of aging folk in America there is a rather terrible feedback loop due to decline in confidence in sexual attractiveness and decline in physiological sexual functioning which is further complicated by the obesity epidemic and a number of other new factors such as the internet. So, although there is a level on which I know it is not in my personal self-interest because it may limit my ability to run for Congress (sigh) etc., I do choose to semi-publicly relate anecdotes about the time I engaged in a menage a trois with a 59 year old man who had prostrate surgery and a 61 year old man with erectile difficulties due to blood pressure medication. Beyond altruism and the lovely dinner that was provided for me gratis my partners, my motivation was the desire to put an aging feminist spin on the sexual meme exhibited in the cover photography of the Rod Stewart album "Blondes Have More Fun." which was released scant months before my first French Kiss.