dating ERE

dragoncar · Post by **dragoncar** » Tue Apr 03, 2012 5:20 pm

I agree paying for a woman's meal just because she's a woman is sexist. But is it sexist to pay for a woman's meal because she expects you to, because she is sexist?

JohnnyH · Post by **JohnnyH** » Tue Apr 03, 2012 5:48 pm

So all women in this thread are saying it isn't a plus to have the man pay for everything? How many of you have actively turned down free dinner/drinks/activities when offered?
I've had many an enlightened feminist woman have no problem letting me pay for everything. But in their defense, in my mind I do it out of charity because I have money and they're financially desperate... Still maybe I should be less of a pushover so that the trend doesn't get cemented in stone.
Also, I would say I have met a higher % of anti-consumer males than females... Females watch more television: http://ondemandweekly.com/blog/article/ ... e_most_tv/

and most ads are geared towards them (couldn't find a citation but the number thrown around is 80%).

The TV men watch seems to be comedy and sports. Women sitcoms and dramas that are heavily about lifestyle.

S · Post by S » Tue Apr 03, 2012 5:55 pm

@dragoncar Of course if you're looking for someone into traditional gender roles, then you ought to pay. I've seen plenty of frugal tips on conservative Christian ladies' blogs too.

LiquidSapphire · Post by **LiquidSapphire** » Tue Apr 03, 2012 7:08 pm

I've turned down offers for free drinks. I am not going to accept a drink from someone I have no interest in. I have to be able to live with myself later on. I've also turned down dates with people I am not interested in. They probably would have paid, of course I have no way of knowing for sure. But whatever monetary value the activity had would not be made up by having to do it with these people and pretend I was actually interested in them.
If someone invites me to go out and chooses the activity, I think it's the decent thing for them to at least offer to pay. Is it really that bad? You have complete control over the activity and therefore the cost. Likewise I'm usually pretty prepared to at least pay my half, depending on what it is and how it goes. If you choose to take me to a park to feed ducks, I'd still go. Likewise if I invite someone for a date, I know that I should be reasonably expected to pay for it and I plan for that. Unless you spend $100 more than me. Then I'm asking you to pay your part, and I probably wouldn't see you again.
I think after a date or two or three, then it really should become more equitable. I would usually offer to pay for a second or third date. But that's just my personal code of ethics. I'm looking for an equal partner who deserves to be treated well and not be taken advantage of, not a meal ticket.
I would never again date someone financially desperate. I would have difficulty respecting that person, and I would wonder how much they liked me and how much they liked how I paid for everything we did.

Spartan_Warrior · Post by **Spartan_Warrior** » Tue Apr 03, 2012 9:59 pm

@S: "Are sports cars and tech gadgets really cheaper than shoes and jewelry?"
But men only buy sports cars to impress women.
...And obviously the same goes for high-powered PC gaming rigs.

Spartan_Warrior · Post by **Spartan_Warrior** » Tue Apr 03, 2012 10:09 pm

How about this little ERE dating problem? I can already see I will inevitably have to upgrade my phone. I can tell my friends how much I loath texting, but girls are now addicted to it and "Do you like to text?" as a number-closer works 60% of the time, everytime. I currently have a five year old flip-open phone with no keyboard and crap features on my parents' family plan, probably with limited texting.
Not to mention the nice clothes I have to buy and the hair cuts I'll have to pay for.
"ERE Hermit" has a nice ring to it.

Emanuel · Post by **Emanuel** » Tue Apr 03, 2012 10:43 pm

My LTR just ended after 3 1/2 years. All because I don't want a marriage, kids and a big useless house. Frankly I wouldn't pay for any meal on a date besides my own.
Save your moneys and instead hire a real nice escort. hehe
Guess I'm a man going my own way..

JohnnyH · Post by **JohnnyH** » Tue Apr 03, 2012 11:53 pm

@Don Emanuel: lol, agreed... My 4 year LTR ended for the same reasons.

dot_com_vet · Post by **dot_com_vet** » Wed Apr 04, 2012 2:52 am

The first date my (now) wife went on was at a modest ethnic restaurant. I'm pretty sure I spent < $20.
We had a large family dinner there after our *wedding*.
Now we have a daughter, and we'll take the extended family to the same restaurant a couple times/year. It definitely feels special, and life has come full circle.
I wouldn't be afraid to spend a little money on a date. A little flexibility and creativity can go a long way.
Also, if a date wants/hints/demands a five star wine and dine, that's a great way to filter them out and move on.

dragoncar · Post by **dragoncar** » Wed Apr 04, 2012 2:57 am

Is this $25 people are talking about just for one person, or two? No wonder everyone in the country is broke.
http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/Text- ... 23486.html

palmera · Post by **palmera** » Wed Apr 04, 2012 3:16 am

can we all just admit that, regardless of gender, what we all have in common here is that we're cheap, selfish and jaded?
except EveMadeline, she's still in the bloom of youth.

C40 · Post by **C40** » Wed Apr 04, 2012 3:29 am

good lord that site is... interesting.

zarathustra · Post by **zarathustra** » Thu Apr 19, 2012 4:32 am

May I just cut through the sexist/expectation/too-few-ERE-peeps-out-there stuff and say this?:
When you take a girl out, do what you would normally do, be who you are, and if she turns up her nose then you KNOW she isn't ERE-compatible, or at least a good match for you!
It's the same thing as what was said earlier about being gregarious in social situations because when you get a negative response it's good because you know quickly it would be a waste of time.
I'm an (almost) 30 year old woman and I have dated men who make 400 a month and I never gave a shit. My FRIENDS would bring it up all the time and that just annoyed me.
My last date was from a guy I met online. We met at his place and he took me to a gorgeous hidden beach he loves to photograph (he's a poor nature photographer). We climbed rocks, he picked me up to carry me so my shoes wouldn't get too ruined (hawt), and we sat and talked for hours. Then he took me to his place and made me tea, where we browsed through a coffee table book of galaxies/starts/nebulas and it was one of the best dates ever. He may've spent 2 bucks on gas and almost nil on tea. He offered to take me to dinner but I thought it was ruin the date!

We exist. You can discover us if show us who you are!
I live in Silicon Valley. I'm new to the area and I can tell you I want to throw up the way dudes throw money around. All it tells me is that they think that is what I care about or what I should care about and then I know I'm not interested. Eff that.

Arrrrrgh · Post by **Arrrrrgh** » Fri Apr 27, 2012 5:18 am

I've had some interesting first dates: 2 where I dyed a woman's hair, 1 water balloon fight, 1 trip to the emergency room because she had kidney stones, 1 where I got asked to the opera (I'd never been before), 1 was a round of frisbee golf (only had a freebee frisbee that we used, but who cares?) and 1 that was a 10 hour conversation in a park over a large pizza.
I try to find things that are unusual, novel, or something I or her haven't done before.
Sightseeing locally is fun too. See the things your local city advertises to tourists. There are some surprisingly fun low to no cost things to see and do!
Tone it back a smidge, but this would be a fun first date too: http://youtu.be/EZ4tthrMiNo I'd even pop for buying used wheelchairs at Goodwill and doing the same thing (ok, steering might be tricky).

dragoncar · Post by **dragoncar** » Fri Apr 27, 2012 6:12 am

There are beaches in silicon valley?

zarathustra · Post by **zarathustra** » Fri Apr 27, 2012 6:56 pm

Santa Cruz

Spartan_Warrior · Post by **Spartan_Warrior** » Fri Apr 27, 2012 10:40 pm

I've been trying out OKCupid. It's about as terrible as I expected. I'm thinking about taking a course at a local community college in the hopes of widening my social circle, since I don't have any social hobbies to meet people outside work. Any thoughts on more ERE-compatible (aka free) alternatives for meeting people "in real life"?

BennKar · Post by **BennKar** » Sat Apr 28, 2012 12:09 am

Is there anyone from your past that might be worth checking into? It might be a long shot, but at least you'd have a good idea what you're getting into. I did that last year with one girl I always thought about from college and it turned out she was going to be single again (and is now) and we have been even more compatible now than we were years ago. And while not into early retirement, she is very financially secure and frugal, and fabulous in other areas as well.

BeyondtheWrap · Post by **BeyondtheWrap** » Sat Apr 28, 2012 6:45 am

@Spartan_Warrior: I've also been using OKCupid. What about it do you find terrible?

Roark · Post by **Roark** » Sun Apr 29, 2012 8:48 am

I got pretty into game in college. I'm still a young guy, so maybe young girls don't care about you having money much, but most of my dates are free. ie, meet in the library, or "study" at your place/dorm.
As long as you can keep chemistry, tension, and make someone laugh, it doesn't matter the venue. I like university libraries anyway, mine is on a hill with a nice view of the ocean and islands. Places with nice views are romantic, quiet places are good, and walks along the boardwalk and harbour are all good too.
Try to make the date about you two rather than being about the venue.
When I'm not in a relationship, I date a lot of women (no e-brag) mainly because I actually ask them out. Tip to you guys, actually ask women out. And don't think you have to be in love with a girl to ask her out, if I meet a pretty girl and she seems nice I ask her out within a few minutes or we might never see each other again. Dating is about getting to know someone, not committing to being with them the rest of your life. So just ask them out!