Devil's Advocate wrote:You're fortunate that your wife is on the same wavelength as you as regards ERE. (I know, not from the word go, and not in everything even now, as you've mentioned here, but still.)
Had that not been the case, and what's more if "let's each do our own thing on this" hadn't been an option, would you then have diluted your ERE substantially?
For instance, would you have consented to continue working (3 years back), live a 50K lifestyle (or more), and what's more finance (most of) it yourself?
In short, what scores higher? ERE or love? Personal philosophy or what the loved one desires? Where, if at all, do the graphs of accommodation and exploitation intersect?
Since I already harbored these ideas prior to meeting DW, had we not at least been somewhat compatible we probably would never have gotten married. That said, DW has told me that at some points she still wondered whether this [relationship] would work out. She also says I've mellowed out over time.
We compromise.
When it comes down to it, ERE is my life-philosophy, which is simply the way I operate and am. I do not believe I would have sacrificed who I am as a person for love [of another person].
To give some concrete examples. Were we to divorce, I would probably live out of a duffel bag on a boat. She might get cable and go to restaurants more but wouldn't go into debt for a McMansion and a fancy new car. We're both willing to compromise on a $10k/year lifestyle that shows no apparent/visible difference from our friends' 40k/year lifestyle as long as we do things more frugal/efficiently. Basically, I'd probably go to $3k/year and she'd go to $15k/year. One Wheaton level up and down respectively. We meet in the middle.