Is it worth it to create joint finances?

How to explain ERE, arranging family matters
Felipe
Posts: 143
Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2015 10:06 pm

Re: Is it worth it to create joint finances?

Post by Felipe » Tue Jan 31, 2017 8:03 pm

@7wannabe5- a few curiosities on whether I mispercieved your statements.

"I think any relationship contract two free adult people continue to maintain is by definition fair and joint."

Don't abusive relationships contradict this?

"If you imagine a couple who are exact twins in terms of market value of what they bring to the table besides gender designation, then it is obviously the female who is getting ripped off in a closed (monogamous/forever) relationship because her sexual value alone is worth much more on the open market."

Doesn't your chart in "Late Sexuality Extreme" show that sexual value is dependent on age? Ie-in this (equivalent value besides gender) couple both are 18-33 year old, female has higher sexual value, if both 34+ years old, male will have higher sexual value.

7Wannabe5
Posts: 2318
Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: Is it worth it to create joint finances?

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Tue Jan 31, 2017 10:31 pm

I said "I think any relationship contract two free adult people continue to maintain is by definition fair and joint."

Felipe said: Don't abusive relationships contradict this?
Well, I think abuse would likely cause one party to the contract to not be "free." Of course, sliding scale from "gun to head" to "made me feel unpretty" might also need to be applied since the term is so loosely slung about these-a-days. Ordinary marital sadism (tendency to take advantage of knowledge about which buttons to push to inflict most pain) would not qualify as abuse. As long as you both are still choosing to stick it to each other, your contract is fair and joint.
I said "If you imagine a couple who are exact twins in terms of market value of what they bring to the table besides gender designation, then it is obviously the female who is getting ripped off in a closed (monogamous/forever) relationship because her sexual value alone is worth much more on the open market."

Felipe said: Doesn't your chart in "Late Sexuality Extreme" show that sexual value is dependent on age? Ie-in this (equivalent value besides gender) couple both are 18-33 year old, female has higher sexual value, if both 34+ years old, male will have higher sexual value.
True and not true. The problem is that the overall demand from the male market is so much greater than the overall demand from the female market, even the most attractive men can't sit around waiting for some female to offer to take them out to dinner and a movie. Also, women prefer men close to their own age, but they won't "pay" or "discount" a huge premium to be with somebody their own age or younger, but many men will. Older women also tend towards exiting the market completely if/when they no longer sense that any men are behaving in a manner that indicates desire for them.

I'm 52 and going back to age 42 when I first divorced, my lovers have been age 54, 61, 52, 59, 62, 56, 57, 58, 69, 32, 52, 46, 52, 43 and 49. So, generally averaging right around a 7 year gap, with 24 years older and 12 years younger being the serious outliers. I never approach men first, so I don't know whether I would end up having to pay for sex if I only went for guys who were my age or slightly younger. Almost certainly I would go for more uggo guys my own age before I would pay for sex. Much younger men approach me all the time, but I'm not interested in them. My current BF is only 3 years older than me, quite good looking, and he pays for everything when we are together, so my take on the market is that it remains favorable to females well beyond age 33.

steveo73
Posts: 1125
Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2013 6:52 pm

Re: Is it worth it to create joint finances?

Post by steveo73 » Wed Feb 01, 2017 12:13 am

wood wrote:
steveo73 wrote:I'm married and our finances are just one pool. I don't see how you can really do it any other way. Maybe if you didn't have kids but I also have 3 kids.
Quite simple:
1. Estimate/budget expenses for kids
2. Create a joint account
3. Both contribute to that account
Do the same for other shared expenses like food and household items.

This is not considered joint finances, just to be clear:) This is sharing some costs. You still keep assets/debt separate if you want separate finances. Your savings are yours. Stressing this point makes me wonder whether everyone is talking about the same thing when we say "joint finances"?
I understand that you can do it technically. It's not about that to me. It's about doing what is right.

I earn probably 3 times what my wife earns but I honestly feel that she does at least as much work as what I do. I think splitting finances up when we contribute equally to the costs is unfair. I figure when you get married especially when you get married youngish and you have kids that the only way to view the relationship is a partnership.

I accept that there are times that splitting costs is probably fair. If one partner is a spender and one is frugal or if there is a significant disparity in wealth. This will probably piss people off but if you are in one of those situations them maybe you need to reconsider the idea of marriage with the person that you are thinking of marrying or you are entering a dysfunctional relationship.

steveo73
Posts: 1125
Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2013 6:52 pm

Re: Is it worth it to create joint finances?

Post by steveo73 » Wed Feb 01, 2017 12:17 am

Fish wrote:+1 to what poleo said above. If you don't possess a sense of agency over your relationship destiny then it is practical to separate finances or avoid marriage.

Another way of reducing the consequences is to diversify into other forms of human capital, e.g. social, technical and physical (health). A truly wealthy person does not fear a potential financial divide by 2 (or even multiply by 0). I would have to think that it should be reassuring that things like social connections, skills/knowledge/experience and years of life cannot be so easily taken.
To me it's really simple. A marriage or a LTR is a partnership. You should not be choosing someone who is incompatible to you when it comes to your combined financial relationship. That might be harsh but that is I think the only option.

It makes it simple as well. Just don't get married or have a LTR with someone who you aren't compatible with.

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