Kids Expenses

How to explain ERE, arranging family matters
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steveo73
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Kids Expenses

Post by steveo73 » Mon Nov 14, 2016 3:33 pm

I find this is a tough one so any feedback is welcome.

I have a 13 yo son. He has been invited to go on a holiday with one of his friends this christmas. I think the holiday will cost $1000. We basically don't spend money like that. We may choose to go on a holiday and spend some money but it would be a conscious decision which would occur very rarely. I can't remember the last time we went on holidays like that but my youngest son is 6 and it was a fair while before he was born.

My feelings at this point are to say no he can't go. We don't want to sponge off other people and we wouldn't just throw money away like that.

Do you agree ? Disagree ?

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Dragline
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Re: Kids Expenses

Post by Dragline » Mon Nov 14, 2016 3:41 pm

I am assuming the other family is paying?

I would let him go if its just about that. They are not really inviting him so much for him -- rather its for their own child, who will be disappointed if he can't go based on what you think they should be doing with their money. There is nothing wrong with accepting hospitality, and they are going to spend it regardless.

OTOH, we traditionally keep our family together at the holidays, so I would say "no" on that basis.

steveo73
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Re: Kids Expenses

Post by steveo73 » Mon Nov 14, 2016 5:04 pm

Dragline - it's a tough one. I don't like letting other people pay. We have relatively a lot of money. We don't spend it and we don't feel rich because we are aiming for FIRE and we are a couple of years off that. I like to pay my own way.

You are right in relation to the family staying together however we have 5 weeks off and I assume my son would be here on the Christmas holidays.

IlliniDave
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Re: Kids Expenses

Post by IlliniDave » Mon Nov 14, 2016 6:45 pm

What does his mother think? I personally wouldn't make differences between my money values and the friend's parent's money values the deciding factor--my money values are fluid. However, if it is something you feel strongly about there's nothing wrong for letting that subset of your values make the call.

steveo73
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Re: Kids Expenses

Post by steveo73 » Mon Nov 14, 2016 9:36 pm

IlliniDave - are you talking about my wife ? My wife I think feels very similar to myself. This isn't something that we as a family would do. We just don't spend money like that.

We spent at the start of this year about $1000 on a laptop for my son. I understand spending that money when it is required. It just seems silly for a week or two holiday.

One other factor that I didn't mention is that we also have a 15 yo daughter. I honestly feel if we spend $1000 on my son we should give her $1000. I also think it's highly likely my daughter will find some friend to go away with on a holiday. My daughter is a good kid but honestly I find girls a lot more immature and silly than boys. I can sort of trust my 13yo son and the friend that he is going with but I reckon it's unlikely I'd trust my 15 yo daughter and the type of friend that she may want to go on holiday with.


steveo73
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Re: Kids Expenses

Post by steveo73 » Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:08 am

[email protected] wrote:I would say no. It's setting a new precedent that it appears you are not comfortable with. (I wouldn't be either btw).

Disclosure: We have one child - a one year old. I'll probably be faced with a decision like this myself one day.
Wifey just told me she has said no. It's a tough situation but I think it comes down to there being too many components that we just aren't comfortable with.

Just for the record my wife is cheaper than me and I'm cheap.

IlliniDave
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Re: Kids Expenses

Post by IlliniDave » Tue Nov 15, 2016 4:42 am

steveo73, yes I suppose I meant your wife, but nowadays family relationships can be a little more complicated so I didn't want to make any assumptions. Sounds like the two of you are in agreement and you should go with what you think is best.

DutchGirl
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Re: Kids Expenses

Post by DutchGirl » Tue Nov 15, 2016 5:21 am

As a 13-year-old, it may expose him to people who live in other ways than you guys do. That could be a good thing. He may be old enough to do some thinking for himself.

On the other hand, when my sister at age 14 wanted to go to a "Praise Jesus!"-camp because her friend was going, too; my mother said "No", and that might have been a good decision at that point. I'm glad that my sister didn't end up as a jesus-fanatic. (We're not talking of mainstream christianity here, not at all). She might have been able at age 14 to see through the idiocy, or she might not...

So maybe wait until he's 16 or something like that :-)

7Wannabe5
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Re: Kids Expenses

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Tue Nov 15, 2016 9:36 am

This is the kind of situation which made me happy that I had a small business where I could use my teenagers for labor. I would have told my son, "$1000, okay, that means you will owe me 300 boxes picked, packed and shipped." (Little known fact being that you don't even have to pay your own children minimum wage.)

steveo73
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Re: Kids Expenses

Post by steveo73 » Tue Nov 15, 2016 3:24 pm

DutchGirl wrote:As a 13-year-old, it may expose him to people who live in other ways than you guys do. That could be a good thing. He may be old enough to do some thinking for himself.
The trip is meant to be to the gold coast of Australia. It's where all the theme parks are. It's not exactly going to teach him how others live.

I don't even think he is upset about not going. He is a good kid.


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