Early Retirement Extreme Forums

@BRUTE and IlliniDave:

I can practically see the two of you smoking cigars in your leather chairs in some Victorian Club for Gentlemen But, I think there is still hope for a couple of hopelessly romantic old-soul determined bachelors like you. You just haven't let one like this sneak in under your defenses yet.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5fW7sERw7I


Remember, don't be too very skint with the coal and chocolate That's fair price paid for avoiding interrogation towards egalitarian contract formation.

In addition to sexual chemistry, there are other types of chemistry that may be important to you. For example...

Intellectual chemistry: Challenging each other (ideally respectfully, of course) with different viewpoints, perspectives, and ideas

"Leisure time" chemistry: Having complementary interests/hobbies and/or being willing to accommodate each other's

Temperament chemistry: Having compatible modes of handling conflict and stress, seeking downtime, etc. and/or being willing to accommodate each other's

Values chemistry: Having compatible worldviews on moral/ethical issues, money, politics, meaning of life, etc. and/or being willing to accommodate each other's

...but if there isn't sexual chemistry, you're friends. I don't say "just" because I don't want to diminish that relationship. But it's not a couple relationship.

I think many of us have some differences in our visual ideal of attractiveness and what we find sexy in real life. I definitely notice tall, dark and handsome but in real life someone closer to my own height is better. It seems less awkward and parts line up better.

I find it astonishing how many fortysomething straight people (my peer group) are in long term relationships with people they do not like to have sex with.

Laura Ingalls wrote:...
I find it astonishing how many fortysomething straight people (my peer group) are in long term relationships with people they do not like to have sex with.

Is there a strong correlation between people who no longer like to have sex with each other and the amount of crocs worn and/or size of beer bellies?

FBeyer wrote:

Laura Ingalls wrote:...
I find it astonishing how many fortysomething straight people (my peer group) are in long term relationships with people they do not like to have sex with.

Is there a strong correlation between people who no longer like to have sex with each other and the amount of crocs worn and/or size of beer bellies?

Not really. One couple I would rate pretty high on the attractiveness scale. Another both yo-yo and are currently very close to historical medians. The third serious substance abuse is the main problem and the sex thing is just part of the mix. The non user looks tired and stressed but fit. The user is malnourished and not even hygenic at this point .

Laura Ingalls wrote:I think many of us have some differences in our visual ideal of attractiveness and what we find sexy in real life. I definitely notice tall, dark and handsome but in real life someone closer to my own height is better. It seems less awkward and parts line up better.

very good insight. brute has this "problem": the set of humans brute can get off on and the set of humans brute finds "beautiful" (=presentable) have almost no overlap at all. it's probably this more than brute's Victorian Gentlemanliness that has made him an eternal bachelor (board certification pending).

I knew she was mistaken about the Victorian Gentlemen part.

I didn't say what sort of Victorian Gentleman. Obviously, BRUTE is the flavor of Corinthian likely to hitch dog's rig to a three-penny-upright.

GandK wrote:'Chemistry' is a more socially acceptable way of saying 'sexual attraction.'

While this is true (in so far as this is the first thing I assume if someone mentions "chemistry" in a relationship context).. there may be more to it.

Or maybe I'm fooling myself and attributing to "chemistry" what some other words describe. The chemistry I've experienced has been a sort of X-factor thing that I've never really put into words or separated effect/cause/correlations from each other. Sometimes this type of chemistry can be present when you first meet someone but goes away once you get to know them (like having a crush?).

Chemistry is not sexual attraction. I've been extremely attracted to women who I couldn't stand to listen to. I've also felt tremendous rapport leading to actual interest for women that I initially wasn't attracted to.

Well I'm really confused now...

Chemistry is just a qualitative measure of how easily 2 people get along.

In the short term, when someone says you have no 'chemistry' it just means they arent turned on by you.

I still think it's sex appeal. I've been attracted to women who didn't fit what I thought were my standards of beauty and fitness, but it was still sex appeal. I don't know what they had. I suspect it had to do with my believing they had a sense of abandon, of boldness, I bet direct gazes were involved.

It has to be mutual; one-sided attraction is not chemistry. Otherwise, everything that enigmaT120 said.

agree or disagree or what exhibit a): http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/1323 ... s-it-feel/

@George, I'm not convinced.