What is relationship 'chemistry' ??

How to explain ERE, arranging family matters
7Wannabe5
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Re: What is relationship 'chemistry' ??

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Tue Sep 06, 2016 9:14 pm

@BRUTE and IlliniDave:

I can practically see the two of you smoking cigars in your leather chairs in some Victorian Club for Gentlemen :roll: But, I think there is still hope for a couple of hopelessly romantic old-soul determined bachelors like you. You just haven't let one like this sneak in under your defenses yet.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5fW7sERw7I


Remember, don't be too very skint with the coal and chocolate ;) That's fair price paid for avoiding interrogation towards egalitarian contract formation.

futureminifatcat
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Re: What is relationship 'chemistry' ??

Post by futureminifatcat » Sat Sep 10, 2016 7:02 pm

In addition to sexual chemistry, there are other types of chemistry that may be important to you. For example...

Intellectual chemistry: Challenging each other (ideally respectfully, of course) with different viewpoints, perspectives, and ideas

"Leisure time" chemistry: Having complementary interests/hobbies and/or being willing to accommodate each other's

Temperament chemistry: Having compatible modes of handling conflict and stress, seeking downtime, etc. and/or being willing to accommodate each other's

Values chemistry: Having compatible worldviews on moral/ethical issues, money, politics, meaning of life, etc. and/or being willing to accommodate each other's

enigmaT120
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Re: What is relationship 'chemistry' ??

Post by enigmaT120 » Wed Sep 14, 2016 10:22 pm

...but if there isn't sexual chemistry, you're friends. I don't say "just" because I don't want to diminish that relationship. But it's not a couple relationship.

Laura Ingalls
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Re: What is relationship 'chemistry' ??

Post by Laura Ingalls » Thu Sep 15, 2016 8:25 am

I think many of us have some differences in our visual ideal of attractiveness and what we find sexy in real life. I definitely notice tall, dark and handsome but in real life someone closer to my own height is better. It seems less awkward and parts line up better.

I find it astonishing how many fortysomething straight people (my peer group) are in long term relationships with people they do not like to have sex with.

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FBeyer
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Re: What is relationship 'chemistry' ??

Post by FBeyer » Thu Sep 15, 2016 8:44 am

Laura Ingalls wrote:...
I find it astonishing how many fortysomething straight people (my peer group) are in long term relationships with people they do not like to have sex with.
Is there a strong correlation between people who no longer like to have sex with each other and the amount of crocs worn and/or size of beer bellies?

Laura Ingalls
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Re: What is relationship 'chemistry' ??

Post by Laura Ingalls » Thu Sep 15, 2016 9:29 am

FBeyer wrote:
Laura Ingalls wrote:...
I find it astonishing how many fortysomething straight people (my peer group) are in long term relationships with people they do not like to have sex with.
Is there a strong correlation between people who no longer like to have sex with each other and the amount of crocs worn and/or size of beer bellies?
Not really. One couple I would rate pretty high on the attractiveness scale. Another both yo-yo and are currently very close to historical medians. The third serious substance abuse is the main problem and the sex thing is just part of the mix. The non user looks tired and stressed but fit. The user is malnourished and not even hygenic at this point :cry: .

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BRUTE
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Re: What is relationship 'chemistry' ??

Post by BRUTE » Thu Sep 15, 2016 11:57 am

Laura Ingalls wrote:I think many of us have some differences in our visual ideal of attractiveness and what we find sexy in real life. I definitely notice tall, dark and handsome but in real life someone closer to my own height is better. It seems less awkward and parts line up better.
very good insight. brute has this "problem": the set of humans brute can get off on and the set of humans brute finds "beautiful" (=presentable) have almost no overlap at all. it's probably this more than brute's Victorian Gentlemanliness that has made him an eternal bachelor (board certification pending).

enigmaT120
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Re: What is relationship 'chemistry' ??

Post by enigmaT120 » Thu Sep 15, 2016 6:01 pm

I knew she was mistaken about the Victorian Gentlemen part.

7Wannabe5
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Re: What is relationship 'chemistry' ??

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Thu Sep 15, 2016 8:55 pm

I didn't say what sort of Victorian Gentleman. Obviously, BRUTE is the flavor of Corinthian likely to hitch dog's rig to a three-penny-upright.

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bryan
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Re: What is relationship 'chemistry' ??

Post by bryan » Fri Sep 16, 2016 11:58 am

GandK wrote:'Chemistry' is a more socially acceptable way of saying 'sexual attraction.'
While this is true (in so far as this is the first thing I assume if someone mentions "chemistry" in a relationship context).. there may be more to it.

Or maybe I'm fooling myself and attributing to "chemistry" what some other words describe. The chemistry I've experienced has been a sort of X-factor thing that I've never really put into words or separated effect/cause/correlations from each other. Sometimes this type of chemistry can be present when you first meet someone but goes away once you get to know them (like having a crush?).

ThisDinosaur
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Re: What is relationship 'chemistry' ??

Post by ThisDinosaur » Fri Sep 16, 2016 12:36 pm

Chemistry is not sexual attraction. I've been extremely attracted to women who I couldn't stand to listen to. I've also felt tremendous rapport leading to actual interest for women that I initially wasn't attracted to.

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chenda
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Re: What is relationship 'chemistry' ??

Post by chenda » Fri Sep 16, 2016 3:44 pm

Well I'm really confused now...

MZMpac
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Re: What is relationship 'chemistry' ??

Post by MZMpac » Tue Sep 20, 2016 5:40 pm

Chemistry is just a qualitative measure of how easily 2 people get along.

In the short term, when someone says you have no 'chemistry' it just means they arent turned on by you.

enigmaT120
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Re: What is relationship 'chemistry' ??

Post by enigmaT120 » Tue Sep 20, 2016 9:30 pm

I still think it's sex appeal. I've been attracted to women who didn't fit what I thought were my standards of beauty and fitness, but it was still sex appeal. I don't know what they had. I suspect it had to do with my believing they had a sense of abandon, of boldness, I bet direct gazes were involved.

George the original one
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Re: What is relationship 'chemistry' ??

Post by George the original one » Tue Sep 20, 2016 9:53 pm

It has to be mutual; one-sided attraction is not chemistry. Otherwise, everything that enigmaT120 said.

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bryan
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Re: What is relationship 'chemistry' ??

Post by bryan » Wed Sep 21, 2016 12:12 pm

agree or disagree or what exhibit a): http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/1323 ... s-it-feel/

@George, I'm not convinced.

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