How to avoid being a know-it-all in conversation and avoid providing unsolicited advice?

How to pass, fit in, eventually set an example, and ultimately lead the way.
jacob
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Re: How to avoid being a know-it-all in conversation and avoid providing unsolicited advice?

Post by jacob »

The change in popular conception wrt extreme early retirement between years 2007 and 2014 seems to confirm. It's better to argue by herd or environment than via logic or science/math.

Dragline
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Re: How to avoid being a know-it-all in conversation and avoid providing unsolicited advice?

Post by Dragline »

Build it (an attractive enough playground, even if oddly designed) and they will come.

freedomseeker
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Re: How to avoid being a know-it-all in conversation and avoid providing unsolicited advice?

Post by freedomseeker »

Feel like I should know this by now but identified pretty strongly wrt the 'what not to do' scenarios. Thanks, some great advice here, will probably have to reread to help things sink in!

Edited because I was worried this may seem a bit 'put on' but I suspect Im in good company in that many 'ere types' would have crossed this bridge and some point

Did
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Re: How to avoid being a know-it-all in conversation and avoid providing unsolicited advice?

Post by Did »

Someone mentioned it above, but I think I'm much less likely to lecture now. I was in an initial euphoric, I have seen the light and am not at work phase for a good while, at least a year and a bit. But now I am more subdued. I used to want to almost shake people and yell, what the fuck are you doing!!!

But of course, who am I to be saying that, and how would I have reacted if someone said that to me back in the day (actually I know the answer to that! - poorly).

Tyler9000
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Re: How to avoid being a know-it-all in conversation and avoid providing unsolicited advice?

Post by Tyler9000 »

Yeah, unsolicited advice is generally a bad idea. Your heart may be in the right place, but theirs may not be ready to receive.

When Jesus was asked by his disciples why he likes to speak in parables, his answer was (I'm paraphrasing): The people who want to hear what I'm saying will understand the message just fine.

In that same mindset, when I do feel inclined to offer advice I like to do it in a way that doesn't come across as advice. As an example, "Yeah, man. Debt really sucks. I understand everyone is different, but what helped me was...". You still don't want to over-use that technique (as you'll come across as always talking about yourself), but in the right amount and tone you'll lay the foundation for people to hear a new perspective and eventually connect the dots for themselves when they're ready.

enigmaT120
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Re: How to avoid being a know-it-all in conversation and avoid providing unsolicited advice?

Post by enigmaT120 »

I try to hang out with people who know more than I do, about subjects that interest me.

Edit: this forum, for example.

leeholsen
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Re: How to avoid being a know-it-all in conversation and avoid providing unsolicited advice?

Post by leeholsen »

jacob wrote:There's also the Dunning-Kruger research ... (There's been quite a bit of work on the DK-effect since 1999).

The original study found this:
1) Ignorant people will fail to recognize their lack of skill.
2) ... and also fail to realize how hard they're failing.
3) ... as well as failing to recognize actual skill in others.
4) Yet recognize how dumb they were after receiving training.

This initially made me somewhat hopeful.

However, later science showed, that
5) Ignorant people tend to resist any form of training.

Thank you for this.

I have big problems with this and have become resentful to people i was trying to help that would continue doing things their way.

From this, i now have a new coined phrase. from now on, i will just call them a Dunning-Kruger; and leave them to continue to do themselves in.

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