How to move past the "I'm too busy" response?

[TopHatFox]

On this month of camping out and spending <$100 solely on food, I have all the free time in the world! It's wonderful.

Interesting bit is--nobody else does! Unless if it's the weekend--maybe.

My assumption is that finding people with free time will be an even bigger challenge to circumvent when I'm 30 ish and likely FI, since the average person in that age group is likely to be monogamously married, upbringing kids, and working up the career ladder.

At the moment, most of my friends or close friends are busy with work or school during weekdays and too tired in the evenings to spend time. Weekends offer more opportunity, though any event definitely has to be scheduled down to the hour and a few days before, except for a few close friends that I can spend time with less notice.

Most of the time I've spent with people this month has been fun, rewarding, and loving. I've even been able to spend time with friends if I volunteer to help them at their job (e.g. working for my friend's adventure company to say hi and go adventuring). I can see how it's easy to make more $$ post- ERE.

I'm wondering what are some strategies you've used to push past the "I'm too busy" response and actually get people to spend time, assuming they want to but are really too busy at the moment.

Some ideas: pick new friends with more free time, get more friends that are free at different times, do activities alone, volunteer at person's job if appropriate, suggest several dates to spend time, etc.

Any others?

[GandK]

Biggest one I can think of, and have learned to use myself, is to stop using your own age group as a filter.

Age group is only important when one is seeking companionship that has a sexual element. Seriously. If that's what you're looking for, fine. But be aware that you're limiting yourself big time in terms of your non-sexual connections by focusing on age. If you're looking for lifelong friendships, intellectual conversations, activity partners, etc. then it's best to drop the age limit in most settings. People are people, whether they're 18 or 80. (And bonus! most 80 year olds are retired and can hang. )

With intellectual companions, I've generally found that older people (older than me) are far more desirable than people my own age or younger. They've done more things, have more substantive conversation, and there is way less drama. For activity companions, it's a little more complicated. 50+ people win at taking long walks... this may be all they can regularly do anymore, and many of them are quite serious about their daily walks. Younger-than-35s win at almost every other outdoor activity. Generally, again... there are outliers.

[TopHatFox]

@GandK

I agree! many of my close friends that I spend time with are 30+; a few 60+. (:

I also got rid of the age-sexual barrier. 30? NP. 60? Haven't tried it yet, but If there's attraction, I'd be open to play!

[zarathustra]

Also if you want to do some traveling, you can find expat/backpacker communities in very inexpensive but lovely places. They are all available to go on adventures with, relax with, chat with, do whatever with. When I lived in Bali for 5 months I was never wanting for companionship when I wasn't feeling hermit-like.

[7Wannabe5]

One thing you might try is adjusting your sleep/activity schedule so that you are available to socialize most evenings. I have mostly been in the habit of waking up around 5:30, but that leaves me too many hours to fill with self-directed solitary activities. You could try ordering your lifestyle on the lines of one of the young men of leisure in a P.G. Wodehouse novel, or adopt the practice of a serious early afternoon siesta.

My lifetime range for age of sexual partners is 16 to 70. One interesting thing I have noted is that, although it is very true that factors such as intelligence, personality type, physical/chemical attraction and fitness, general social/sexual practice and form or closeness of relationship matter much more than age or technique/style, another factor that varies directly with relative age of partner is era of technique/style. There is a level on which sex is like dancing, and you either learned how to do the fox-trot in your youth or you didn't. Of course, there are also cultural variations on this theme. KInd of correlates to taste in music too, but not always. Anyways, most women are too lazy, unmotivated to teach very much, but if you did find a 60 year old partner, you might learn how to do it 70s style, but be very careful because what you would be striving for would be 70s beach/commune style, NOT 70s mustache style!!!

[Lemon]

I got round this by just having lots of acquaintances that I could do different things with. It means that most weekends someone is doing something if you want to do it. Same for evenings.

Now I have graduated I am one if the 'too busy' people (job involves unsociable shifts with added weekends). Which is telling because when I just read the title I thought this was more going to be about making time etc. How perspective changes after 2 months of work!