How to divide up and pay for household expenses

[lilacorchid]

After years of putting everything financial together, we have decided to try doing things apart. It's been 15 years since I had a roommate. I don't even remember how we did it. We have already decided to split things 50/50 regardless of income level. We also have a kid, which complicates things.

So what system do you use to keep the household finances running when things are separate? Joint chequing for bills? One person pays the other? Just divide up the bills and let each pay the ones in their name?

[Dragline]

We have always had two joint checking accounts, one that is "hers" and one that is "mine" in practice, although either is legally entitled to look at or use the other. They are linked, though, so money can be easily transferred.

We divide things up as in "you pay for this stuff and I pay for that stuff." That would not work in a strict 50/50 scenario. I'm afraid you'll need to do an accounting and true up every month or so.

[DutchGirl]

We also split 50/50. I pay my longterm boyfriend half of the utilities, because those bills are in his name. We both put the same amount of money in a shared account for groceries and other shared expenses.

[henrik]

I use this for extended living arrangement cost calculations when travelling with other people. Used to do the same with an Excel spreadsheet before.

[USAF Sgt]

We're 50/50 on rent, utilities, groceries (anything shared) and we have one joint savings account that serves as our emergency fund. This account sits at $5000 and should we ever tap into it, we have a 50/50 responsibility to "pay back" the account.

We pay our own car insurances, health insurances, and cell phones and we also maintain our own separate savings/investments to fund separate retirements.

[7Wannabe5]

I think it is very confusing unless you have one person in charge of bookkeeping who prepares a monthly report for the other person's approval. Having accounts linked so you can automatically transfer funds makes it very easy to reconcile. This practice applies whether or not your split is 50/50.

I have no clue if or how this applies to your situation in any way whatsoever but...a number of years ago I had a boyfriend who was 52 and was hoping to be married because he had never been married although he had been significantly relation-shipped and raised a child on his own and was rather worldly-experienced. One thing he once said to me, in a reflective mood apropos of nothing was "I hope things will work out for the two of us as a couple but if they don't, one thing you should keep in mind is that if a man ever offers you a 50/50 deal he is ripping you off." He wasn't strictly referring to finances because according to his philosophy the X% extra a man should be anteing up in relationship should be in the form of leadership. However, there is something in the management or division of financial matters in a relationship that is sort of like directing the helm of a ship so I don't think it is insignificant when couples make changes in the management of their finances and related matters. That said, I honestly do not have a clue what does "work" best.

[Dorothy_Dollar]

I think anything other than a single shared account for a married couple is the wrong way to go about things when the law would treat the separate accounts as marital property. In a way you lost control yet are on the hook/benefit from the money management of the other account. Here is a blog on the problems http://www.dorothydollar.com/pitfall-yo ... our-money/

[TopHatFox]

My partner and I keep separate investing/checking/saving accounts. We share common expenses like rent, groceries, and utilities 50/50, and have non-common expenses be up to our individual discretion, unless if those non-common expenses affect common space (i.e. buying an exercise machine that takes up a large percentage of a room).

Paying non-common expenses for each other is considered a gift. Talking about expenses, their optimizations, and the limits of frugality on comfort is freely encouraged. (:

Edit: Maybe it would be a convenient idea to create a combined checking account for shared expenses, fill it with a few thousand, and re-fill it using equal automated deposits from our separate financial accounts.

[steelerfan]

My wife and I have separate linked accounts for bill paying. We pay pre-defined things. My salary is a little higher so it is not a 50/50 split. We don't care. I have always been on her health insurance plan as have our kids. We borrow between us if the need arises for a 1-2 day loan. We have had this arrangement since we first met 24 years ago. My cooworkers think this is crazy but it works for us and financially we both still work toward a common goal. As an accountant/finance person it would be easy for me to take over but that would not be good for her. Everybody needs to be able to work within a budget. It is a life skill that needs to be practiced. She has the freedom to do with her account as she wishes. I will most likely retire 5 years before she does as she is younger and enjoys working, although that may change once she sees my happiness!

My parents arrangement is the standard one where one person does everything. My dad pays the bills. My mom is clueless about them but that is changing. My dad just turned eighty and my mom is finally being integrated into paying bills. We had a long talk (several) during my last visit (I am an only child). If he were to pass away she had better know how to do this or I will be paying the bills and giving her an alllowance. Most of their bills are on auto pilot though.

[Ydobon]

We have our own accounts. We take the same spending money each month, with my wife paying the remainder of her salary after spending money into my account. I pay all bills and save or invest the remainer. It works pretty well, I keep my spending money in another account to avoid confusion.

Although we earn very different amounts, things remain strangely balanced financially. I earn 30% more than she does, but her family have made a couple of unexpected financial gifts that meant that I hadn't 'brought more to the table' until we had already been married for 3 years. 4 years on and we are very happy with our system

That said, I do worry that my wife should be more familiar with the books, for both our sakes.

[Noided]

Funny, lots of people here who have kind of separate finances with their SOs. Every time I hear people talking about this in public, that option is always shunned.

My case: I have my money, she has hers, everything we use/consume together we split 50/50. I like to do the accounting but since we both don't buy many things and even less together, it is an easy job.

[bradley]

I think anything other than a single shared account for a married couple is the wrong way to go about things when the law would treat the separate accounts as marital property.

I read your blog, and it's definitely a different take on things than I've heard from a lot of people. How do you go about specific goals (that require money) that either of you may be pursuing? Like say, college debt that you might want to snowball and pay extra towards?

[sharansingh]

I'm also using 50/50 with my room partner. All expensive including all bills , food etc are divided in to 50-50.