Relating to the Consumers and Strivers

[brookline]

Hi all,
I am finding it increasingly difficult to relate to the 21st Century American consuming classes. As I have become more focused on breaking out of consumption and cubicle career striving, I am losing the ability to relate to a large chunk of our society. I find my white collar colleagues and neighbors depressing and simply cannot relate to them. If I had the skills, I could see setting up a small farm and getting away from my white collar neighbors. In the interim, I am looking into finding a home based work environment. The cubicle environment really depresses me. I am finding my respect for people who work with their hands growing. I note that both groups watch horrible TV, eat toxic processed GMO diets, exercise insufficiently, and can be really boring to talk with. Excessive career specialization, the lack of time to pursue diverse hobbies, and an excess of junk TV do not make for a stimulating personality. I used to be politically active but never had a problem relating to and respecting people of all ideologies and still do not. I do not remember myself being particularly judgmental during earlier phases of life. Have I become a ranting neurotic? Has the judgmental side of my personality gone crazy? Am I just going through a phase?

[1taskaday]

When I eventually retire from paid work,( and my kids are independent of me), my next goal will be to find interesting "real" people to hang with, as opposed to the "virtual" people I "think" I hang with on this site.

I find it nearly impossible to meet "non-boring" people through the present work/parent life I lead-probably more a reflection on my “present” personality in these roles as opposed to the people I meet???

I have a radar and antennae system set up to detect and manoeuvre me around boring people-I’m sure they have the same system set up so that they can avoid “crazies” like me.

So I suppose everybody wins ...

[Ian]

While I'm all for avoiding boring people, I'd also advise cultivating the skill of getting what you can from anyone - unless you have extreme control of your environment, you're going to have to interact with random selections of people sometimes. It's partially a mental attitude, but there are some techniques involved as well. If people want to talk about work, I try to nudge them toward technical details so I at least get a new perspective. If they want to talk about pop culture, I try to find something they like that isn't terrible.

Having said that, I can be pretty judgmental at times when I get outside my chosen social circles.

[brookline]

While I'm all for avoiding boring people, I'd also advise cultivating the skill of getting what you can from anyone - unless you have extreme control of your environment, you're going to have to interact with random selections of people sometimes. It's partially a mental attitude, but there are some techniques involved as well. If people want to talk about work, I try to nudge them toward technical details so I at least get a new perspective. If they want to talk about pop culture, I try to find something they like that isn't terrible.

Having said that, I can be pretty judgmental at times when I get outside my chosen social circles.

Hi Ian,
Thank you that is good advice. That said, I expect to struggle with implementing your recommendation. I feel like I woke up in an alternate universe populated by deranged people.

[Tyler9000]

@ Brookline: IMHO, it sounds like you need to take a deep breath and mellow out a bit. You say you've broken out of "career striving", but you've over-compensated by judging everyone else around you by their career. So you're still very much in a career-centric mental paradigm.

Practice looking for the positive in people and accepting that nobody will ever be exactly like you. Find people you share one or more common interests with and spend more time with them, but don't waste so much energy trying to change or judge others. Focusing on negatives and differences will only make you unhappy.

[frihet]

"Practice looking for the positive in people and accepting that nobody will ever be exactly like you. Find people you share one or more common interests with and spend more time with them, but don't waste so much energy trying to change or judge others. Focusing on negatives and differences will only make you unhappy."

Amen.

How do you feel inside when you judge people? Compared to when you accept them for what/who they are?

I know what feeling of the two that brings happiness inside of me.