Easter family party financial random noise

[Sclass]

So I did the Easter Sunday thing and am trying to write down the noise I encountered at the extended friends and family gathering. I'm having trouble putting it into words.

My relatives are really confused.

They think I'm poor. No bling = no money. All the children of my generation bought expensive homes and work like crazy to support them. Somehow I'm viewed as this nonconformist pauper. I guess I am. Or, some of the old guys on SS think I'm a cheat because I didn't wait for my payout like them. "what do ya mean you don't want to wait till 65 Sclass, we waited till 69!"

Then cousins started asking since I don't work, where do I get money. I said interest. They said how, CDs are yielding squat. So I say dividends. They say, "oh yes those, those are good." and move on. Everyone nods knowingly.

They talk about retirement and clearly want retirement advice but they don't ask me any pertinent questions. They ramble on and on about how much their bay area homes have gone up over the years from x ten years ago to y. When I reply, "that's five percent annual" they just give a dumb look and move on.

I cannot get any credit for my achievement because in their eyes I'm not an achiever. Yet I feel like screaming Listen, I cracked it, here is how it works, low expenses, high savings, good returns over a short period and presto you're free! Listen I have what you're looking for.

So I'm either a pauper when they won't acknowledge me or I'm a cheat who gamed the system when they do. Ok, I'll admit it, I'm a little insecure and I was hoping for some credit from my people. Like Hey Sclass that is so cool how you retired early can you show me how you did it? But no. Nothing. Blank stares and vapid comments from robotic people.

It is actually kind of disturbing because these same people used to discuss retirement planning and investment with me all the time in our younger days. Now it's like they're are afraid to go there.

Hell. At least nobody wanted a zero interest loan. Ok enough of my random noise.

[stoneage]

I cannot get any credit for my achievement because in their eyes I'm not an achiever. Yet I feel like screaming Listen, I cracked it, here is how it works, low expenses, high savings, good returns over a short period and presto you're free! Listen I have what you're looking for.

So I'm either a pauper when they won't acknowledge me or I'm a cheat who gamed the system when they do. Ok, I'll admit it, I'm a little insecure and I was hoping for some credit from my people. Like Hey Sclass that is so cool how you retired early can you show me how you did it? But no. Nothing. Blank stares and vapid comments from robotic people

See, that is what happens when you think outside the box : you shall not expect others to understand since they're trapped inside...

I've expressed this views in my own journal, but what I really want is freedom, and you can obtain freedom while working. People are usually tied to whatever job they have, because of some loan or the fact that they cannot afford being unemployed for an extended period of time.

IMHO seeking approval from family is also loosing your freedom. The only thing they should care about is your happiness, and so you should only care bout theirs. The fact that your happiness is different from theirs shouldn't make you sad.

[1taskaday]

This is neither "here nor there" and definitely not on point BUT I think anyone that achieves FREEDOM to choose how they live is supremely intelligent and just "at the top of their game" in so many ways. They are sharp and alert and basically truly "in tune".

You have cracked the system. I am always telling my kids that there is always a technique to cracking everything, a method or a short cut (especially to exams) and if they analyse it intensely they will find that technique.

The problem (maybe my opinion only) in "normal" society” is that most people don't even realise that everything is a "system" and hence it never even occurs to them that if scrutinised intensely (or learn from those who have), it can be manipulated and cracked open and used to their advantage.

I learn so much on the ERE forum because it is basically full of intelligent smart people who analyse every system.

Unfortunately it’s very hard to find them in real life...

[DutchGirl]

Who knows, Sclass, maybe you'll inspire some kids from the younger generation, who will ultimately think: "Hey, wait a minute... My dad/my mum isn't retired at age 55 and complains about their work (load) all the time. And all the while, Sclass is having the time of his life... I want that... How exactly did he do that?".

[Sclass]

IMHO seeking approval from family is also loosing your freedom. The only thing they should care about is your happiness, and so you should only care bout theirs. The fact that your happiness is different from theirs shouldn't make you sad.

Wise. I become such a kid when I walk into this particular home because I've been gathering Easter eggs there since I was a small child. I need to grow up and shed my skin. Getting these good people to approve of me is a fools errand. They'll never understand anyway...because to do so requires admitting they're wrong and even tougher, I'm right.

I've got some emotional baggage on this one. This is a huge extended family and friends get together with second and third cousins. My Immediate family had always been singled out because we were poor. Or I should say we didn't play the materialism game. This group of primates generated some pride and self esteem at our expense a few times. The little kid in me still wants the "see what do you think of me now" moment. I know, I'm pathetic.

The problem (maybe my opinion only) in "normal" society” is that most people don't even realise that everything is a "system" and hence it never even occurs to them that if scrutinised intensely (or learn from those who have), it can be manipulated and cracked open and used to their advantage.
...

You got that right. Everything (well maybe not everything but a lot of things) is a game. Some of us are better suited or trained for one and not another...or aware of the game's corner shots.

Who knows, Sclass, maybe you'll inspire some kids from the younger generation, who will ultimately think: "Hey, wait a minute... I want that... How exactly did he do that?".

Yeah DutchGirl ain't that true. There was always the crusty old guy I'd see around in many venues who wore the simple rags yet strutted in shell cordovan and flashed a triple gold Rolex and gold teeth (yuck) who according to my moms whispers owned everything. I cannot say I wanted to be that guy back then but I'm starting to get it. These were the uncles and aunts with the string of ghetto rentals, gas stations, doughnut shops etc. the rogues.

Time to grow up, Wake up and head out to the real Easter egg hunt. Happy hunting!

[workathome]

You got to think it happens with anyone/anything that is outside a normal paradigm especially when it incorporates esoteric knowledge that, by the nature of it, they are unable to understand or know unless they begin thinking like you. It's part of human nature and not something you should take personally or negatively affect your love of family members. Turn your frustration into compassion.

[jacob]

@Sclass - What you experienced with your family, I experienced all over the (rest of the) internet. It's a cognitive dissonance problem. People refuse to consider that they may have it wrong.

To shut them up financially, start talking about your dividend income until they get tired of hearing about it. If they get the impression you're wealthy enough to lend out free money, just say it all needs to be invested to get your dividends.

To shut them up in lifestyle, you need to do and document something the consumer public values. Riding a bike to enjoy a piece of home made bread won't do it. Travel is a surefire thing. Having fun (mountain biking, sailing, ... ) on weekdays (with pictures) works too.

[C40]

Wise. I become such a kid when I walk into this particular home because I've been gathering Easter eggs there since I was a small child. I need to grow up and shed my skin. Getting these good people to approve of me is a fools errand. They'll never understand anyway...because to do so requires admitting they're wrong and even tougher, I'm right.

I've got some emotional baggage on this one. This is a huge extended family and friends get together with second and third cousins. My Immediate family had always been singled out because we were poor. Or I should say we didn't play the materialism game. This group of primates generated some pride and self esteem at our expense a few times. The little kid in me still wants the "see what do you think of me now" moment. I know, I'm pathetic.

I don't know your family. Sure there will be some who just won't ever get it, but some get it at least partially. They're getting ready for work this morning and you are somewhere in the back of their minds. They are jealous. They are curious. They are too proud, too uncomfortable to say anything. YOU are the one who has won. You are independent enough, confident enough, and creative enough to do what you have, and still you have insecurities about these family conversations. They are 5x more insecure about this situation than you. They aren't going to be able to bring it up, especially around a bunch of other family!

[Sclass]

@Sclass - What you experienced with your family, I experienced all over the (rest of the) internet. It's a cognitive dissonance problem. People refuse to consider that they may have it wrong.
.

Hahahahah! indeed you have Jacob!

The best part of your mainstream media interviews are the comments. Or rants if you want to call them that.

[Seneca]

... Having fun (mountain biking, sailing, ... ) on weekdays (with pictures) works too.

Yeah, spam them with awesome during work hours on whatever their social media of choice is if you really feel the need to prove you broke the code. May I suggest leaving out Bondo kitchen floor repair though?

You sound really eager to share the ERE religion with them. Don't be that guy who overcompensates when asked how things are going, it kills credibility.

Probably be easier just to be happy enough with the path you intentionally chose and decide the hell with everyone else though.

[dot_com_vet]

It's common here too when we get together with certain family and friends.

I know the same questions that are going to be asked too: Minivian(s), McMansion, Neighborhood

I find the whole thing funny, and I'm also surprised, because it's incredibly rude on their part. If I wasn't polite, I could ask them about the money they lost in real estate, their debt, their crazy work hours.

[Tyler9000]

I cannot get any credit for my achievement because in their eyes I'm not an achiever. Yet I feel like screaming Listen, I cracked it, here is how it works, low expenses, high savings, good returns over a short period and presto you're free! Listen I have what you're looking for.

Retirement is not tangible enough for most people to count as an achievement. Remember, for the vast majority of people retirement is entirely decoupled from personal effort in their minds (pension, SS checks, maybe a 401K with a managed target date fund that someone else runs, etc) and it's more about age than process.

So don't sell the process -- sell the perks. When they talk about an important work project, talk about your lack of stress. When they talk about their big McMansion, talk about how you spend afternoons reading at the park near your house. When they talk about expensive restaurants, talk about how you learned to make your own gourmet meals.

When the entrenched ones turn bitter and criticize your lifestyle to puff themselves back up, just smile and agree that you made a choice that you're happy with. "I have no regrets and total control over my happiness -- what about you?" That will spur the typical litany of excuses and complaints, at which you can just nod approvingly and agree that their lives must suck.

Eventually a few younger relatives witnessing the exchange will smirk knowingly and approach you later asking for advice. Spend your energy on them.

[Sclass]

May I suggest leaving out Bondo kitchen floor repair though? h.

Hahahahha!

Seneca, I felt like putting that on my now useless LinkedIn updates!

Hey all, thanks for the support. It is sure great to be someplace where you feel normal.

[C40]

........

+1 !!! Great post and encouragement Bigato. Thanks!

[Chad]

Seeking social approval ..... Thanks guys. But also, we need to share some time in real life with interesting people, not only on the Internet.

Great speech. All very true. One of the hardest things I have found is letting go of friends who hold you back. They might have been great at one point, but for whatever reason they didn't grow or you grew in different directions.

[Sclass]

Thanks for the props biggato. I think you could wipe the floor with me in the ring BTW.

I am still going to make it a point to grow up. I'm a 45 year old boy.

[rube]

Great post Bigato

I am still going to make it a point to grow up. I'm a 45 year old boy.

I would say grow up (if needed and wanted), but try to stay a 'boy'
I am nearing 40 and want to feel more like a boy sometimes, to be able to 'play' more and be less of the grown up parent.

[JeffD]

Great post bigato. You said everything what I was thinking and wrote it clearly.

Sclass, I was in the same situation a year ago during a family reunion. And I realized, when it comes to new ideas, radical ones, ERE etc, its best to be the inquirer instead of the preacher.

It seems to me that the people who talks about how expensive their car and mortgages and such are not talking about it because they want it solved. They just want to hear the words "I feel you. The economy/government/my boss sucks." and move on. They are content.

Save thy energy for the people who really wants to change their fate, and enjoy the conversation when it comes.