Eating and going out

[NYC ERE]

There is an implication in the ERE Community thread that one would do best to live in the vicinity of other EREs in order to have a community. I want to challenge this notion and solicit some brainstorming from you regarding how to navigate social life with non-EREs when committed to an austere budget.
For example, the other day my officemate invited me out for a snack--we were both working on the weekend--this was the first time that I had been out to a restaurant since committing to ERE (only two weeks ago!). This was a social outing that I didn't have a lot invested in--we're not going to be BFFs--so I didn't feel that weird about just ordering tap water and offering a dollar for the tip (which he refused) at the end. It helped that we ran into a few other people who shared our table and ordered food.
My mental image of Jacob is that he spends a lot of time at home, and eschews most social outings--perhaps he'd like to deepen our understanding of his social life? (not to put you on the spot or anything... For example, after you go sailing, doesn't someone say, "Hey, let's go get some beers," or invite you for dinner? Don't you sometimes feel like inviting someone from your non-profit over for dinner? How does that work?
In a place like NYC, which I imagine is probably last on the list of EREs' retirement cities, there are tons and tons of free events--opera, theater, concerts--practically on a daily basis, at least in the summer. For those of us who feel the need for greater cultural/social opportunities in ERE than is offered by an off-the-grid country hut, what's the plan?

[JohnnyH]

Yes, this can be somewhat of a problem... I always try to influence the venue as much as possible.
Beers after work? Yes, but for happy hour and at the good (cheap) bar... If we're going to an expensive bar, I'm not above flasking it and milking a beer.
Go out for lunch? Yes, but preferably at the awesome healthy place for which I have discount gift cards + rewards... If not, I'll probably get just a salad, or a beer and eat later.
Most just assume my health craziness is the main reason (and it often is) I don't order a full meal, or a lot of drinks...

[Concojones]

This thread should be titled "eating & going out." Yes, it's a dillema, because, who wants to alienate his friends?
I've always done my best to cut large, recurring items like housing, and been more relaxed with small, occasional expenses like a drink in town. To ease my mind, I have set budgets for all of these, and the one for social activities ($100/month, roughly, atm) feels more generous to me than the one for housing.
The thing is, I don't want to feel like a miser. I want to be frugal with myself, but still generous with friends. So yes I'll join friends who suggest to eat out, if it's occasional. What I'll order is something affordable but still appealing. I'll even buy them drinks. If this eating out happens a lot, I'll suggest "other" (read: cheaper) alternatives such as dinner at home.
P.S. this is my experience in Europe, where eating out is less common than in North America.

[jacob]

My social life happens at the point of a sword, literally, not figuratively. I also do other things, like sailing. Hockey is currently on hold. In general, I try to pick activities where I do something I value---this happens to not be eating/drinking at restaurants. This is a personal preference.
As long as it remains a minor fraction of the bigger budget and it's important. I wouldn't go about it in a half-assed way.
Eating out is not important to me. In fact, I'm not a big fan of it. That's why I try to avoid it. It's not a money issue.
This is similar to how few people would pay $20 for a social event that involved walking 10 miles instead of eating a steak. I'd do the former. I wouldn't enjoy the latter.

[NYC ERE]

I have a similar aversion to eating out, having mostly to do with being waited upon and the falseness involved therein. A quote from one of my favorite directors, Werner Herzog:
"I despise formal restaurants. I find all of that formality to be very base and vile. I would much rather eat potato chips on the sidewalk."

[HSpencer]

I am not a tightwad, and never have been. I do have preferences galore!! I simply cannot spend $20.00 for a poorly tasting and poorly cooked meal at some greasy spoon cafe. I most certainly can and will spend $20.00 for a great steak dinner at a clean, well kept, and friendly place. I will NOT waste money, I WILL spend money. The problem lies somewhere in between. My wife can take $20.00 and we can eat like kings at home for a few days. So, if eating out, it has to be really, really good. Neither of us can tolerate eating out two meals in a row, so we carry a "cooler lunch" on most trips. That is sandwiches and such and chips prepared at home. All we need is a "clean" roadside park.

Beer is another subject altogether. Most American beer is only good for killing ants. So if I have an ale or lager (beer is a cheap sounding word), then it must be an import or at least something with a little class to it. I would never drink it from a can or bottle---yep, never. Always the frosted mug, and the lager cold enough to crack the enamel on your teeth. I never "just drink a beer". Lager is for setting up your appetite. One whilst awaiting the meal, one or two with the meal, one or two during the small talk after the meal, then done. If I eat where draft beer is served, I might drink American as long as it is NOT Bud, Coors, or some cheap tasteless crap like those. I like Sam Adams if they have it and they usually do.

My favorite place to eat is the Brew-Pubs, and Bistros.

If I am going to spend my money there is going to be some class to things I buy.

[Concojones]

@Jacob: eating out or having drinks on a patio isn't important for me, either. However it's something most people like to do, so when I find myself in town or on a trip with other people, someone will likely suggest to eat out or have drinks on a patio, so do you follow or not? Maybe if you have a SO it's different because you spend most of your time among the two of you.

[Concojones]

(sorry, duplicate post)

[jacob]

@Concojones - I follow. If it's dinner, I order something. If it's breakfast, I don't (or maybe a cup of coffee). Mostly it's just us though.

[Concojones]

@Jacob: thanks, I was actually trying to understand how eating out and the like could have such little impact on your budget, but I think I can see how now. People who have a SO tend to spend more time with that SO and less time with friends/coworkers who want to eat out all the time. And you're no different

[JohnnyH]

90%+ of restaurants and bars are an unhealthy waste. But excellent values exist!:
After credit card rewards and promotions (loyalty card, buy $100 get $120 in g.cards, discount for wearing a promo t-shirt [lo the shame!]) I only pay about 60-70% retail, maybe 75% on tips at a local grill.
You prepare your own food and so I generally have 2-3 heaping plates of fresh vegetables, good meat (like local buffalo), seafood... I tip 20%+ and the staff gives me $1 beers went I want them.
2-3 plates of food, 3 good beers and 20% tip costs me about $9. Meal + tip alone costs about $6.50-7. These are lunch prices, but unbeatable, I couldn't do that at home! I don't do it to often so it's an event, sometimes I'll bring my book if I'm alone.
Drinking is the same. Often a waste, but if conversation is good it's a fantastic time... There's a bar in my hometown that does $4 - 60oz pitchers at happy hour of an excellent local micro brew. $8 for hours of stimulating conversation with good beer and good friends is a bargain.
You can drink at home for cheap, but people like the social component of the bar, even if you don't venture outside your table.

[jacob]

Speaking of bars ... anyone else have problems hearing what people are saying when there's significant (bar-like) background noise? I find that once there are more than 3 conversations going around me at the same time and people begin to have to raise their voices to get heard over the other tables, I can't hear anymore. Maybe my spectrum analyzer is broken. Maybe I've had too little training? Maybe everybody else can't hear anything either but talk anyway?

[lrduncan]

That's exactly why I hate crowds. I can't understand anyone above all the conversations. I've had a hearing test done and physically I have perfect hearing. I just have a hard time distinguishing all the voices from each other.

[NYC ERE]

@jacob and lrduncan: yup. i have great hearing, and my job even requires being able to discern and represent spoken words on the printed page--but put me in a crowd and i don't know what the heck's being said.

[Matthew]

@Jacob
I also have this problem. However, I know some people who can hear just fine in this situation. I wonder if this another quality typical of ER brains like INTJ is for personality.

[Checking Carly]

My friend bought a giftcard to a sushi restaurant at a $30 value for $2. We then went to the restaurant, had three sushi dishes, a pitcher of beer, and ended up with a $15 bill, including tip based on the original amount. So, we ended up spending $17 on a $45+ dollar meal between the 3 of us. If you look online, you can definitely find great deals like this so that you can eat out sometimes too. I really like eating out with friends. It gives you a purpose, a set chunk of time to spend together, and no one has to cook or do dishes at the end of the night.

[JohnnyH]

@Carly: was that those restaurant.com vouchers?

[Kevin M]

@HSpencer - great quote, but does this really work? We've had some visitors in our house and are trying to get rid of them.
"Most American beer is only good for killing ants"
-fellow Sam Adams lover
@jacob - I have the same issue with bars, I'm not a loud talker so I usually have to repeat myself. Very frustrating.

[JohnnyH]

I think you guys are just going to too cool of bars! I prefer a mostly empty dive bar than a too loud trendy bar.

[Steve Austin]

JohnnyH, let's make sure to stand up "Empty Dive Bar(tm)" as one of the first establishments in any ERE Outpost that materializes.
Addendum: sub-title on the placard "where you come to think and drink".