I just returned from a week of caring for my mom. She was hospitalized with heart and lung problems that fortunately can be controlled by medications. Nevertheless, it was difficult to be a week without high speed internet and my budget for October is blown to hell.
There is a real prospect that in the not-too-distant future she'll need some type of in-home assistance. I don't know what Medicare covers but I suspect that my siblings and I are going to be contributing to the cost.
While aging and its complications are hardly unforeseen, budgeting accurately for future events like this is a challenge. If I come up with any useful insights, I'll pass them along.
ERE and the Ailing Parent
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LiquidSapphire
- Posts: 510
- Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2011 6:40 pm
I've been looking after my mum full time for two years. The government would pay for her care in a rest home, but as long as I can look after her i will.
Financially we've always been frugal, and the money side doesn't worry me.
I guess if you do look after her yourself, the main thing is to make sure you take time out for yourself and I always try to move forward, learn something new etc.
It helps if the person you're looking after feels useful in some way.
Anyway i wonder what will happen to us at her age, I don't want to be in a rest home and I know millionaires in their 70's who tell me medical insurance is too expensive.
I've spent time in the hospital with people who were very sick. To me the most important thing is nobody wants to be alone, you want to be among familiar things and people, most people want somebody whose close.
Financially we've always been frugal, and the money side doesn't worry me.
I guess if you do look after her yourself, the main thing is to make sure you take time out for yourself and I always try to move forward, learn something new etc.
It helps if the person you're looking after feels useful in some way.
Anyway i wonder what will happen to us at her age, I don't want to be in a rest home and I know millionaires in their 70's who tell me medical insurance is too expensive.
I've spent time in the hospital with people who were very sick. To me the most important thing is nobody wants to be alone, you want to be among familiar things and people, most people want somebody whose close.
@Maus,
Sorry to hear about this, and my prayers for your mom's recovery. Since you mention insights, I will give one concerning in-home assistance. Because an assistant can be so close to a vulnerable elderly person, really controlling the quality of their life, it is a good idea to set up a code word known only to the family to covertly alert the family that something is very wrong (or conversly another word or gesture to indicate everything is ok). Unfortunately a prudent precaution nowadays.
Sorry to hear about this, and my prayers for your mom's recovery. Since you mention insights, I will give one concerning in-home assistance. Because an assistant can be so close to a vulnerable elderly person, really controlling the quality of their life, it is a good idea to set up a code word known only to the family to covertly alert the family that something is very wrong (or conversly another word or gesture to indicate everything is ok). Unfortunately a prudent precaution nowadays.
I have some experience with this.
Typically medicaid will cover the portion of home care costs associated with daily living - for example if she requires help with meal preparation and bathing, they might cover 20 hours per week. In most places there are agencies that will provide you with the 20 hours, or you can find an independent provider to work the hours she wants, pay them, and then bill the state for the medicaid covered hours.
If she lives with you, you can still get the medicaid reimbursement.
In home care is a difficult thing to manage. Good communication and documentation is primary.
Typically medicaid will cover the portion of home care costs associated with daily living - for example if she requires help with meal preparation and bathing, they might cover 20 hours per week. In most places there are agencies that will provide you with the 20 hours, or you can find an independent provider to work the hours she wants, pay them, and then bill the state for the medicaid covered hours.
If she lives with you, you can still get the medicaid reimbursement.
In home care is a difficult thing to manage. Good communication and documentation is primary.
@Maus,
I am very sorry to hear that. I know you have chosen to live in CA despite its non-ERE living costs in order to be close to your Mum. So, it must be very hard to see her feeling poorly to be hospitalised. I know how stressful it can be, as I had my own father's heart attack issues last year. I put my entire life on hold at that point to be close to him and provide him with care before and after bypass surgery. Despite having top quality insurance packages paying for all the services, I realised that nothing substitutes for care and company that is provided by a close family member. Since you are almost drawing the line at your career, perhaps you might think more seriously about providing some personalised care and company to her at this time?
Both @george and @Hoplite have also come up with excellent nuggets of insights.
Our prayers for speedy recovery of your Mother.
I am very sorry to hear that. I know you have chosen to live in CA despite its non-ERE living costs in order to be close to your Mum. So, it must be very hard to see her feeling poorly to be hospitalised. I know how stressful it can be, as I had my own father's heart attack issues last year. I put my entire life on hold at that point to be close to him and provide him with care before and after bypass surgery. Despite having top quality insurance packages paying for all the services, I realised that nothing substitutes for care and company that is provided by a close family member. Since you are almost drawing the line at your career, perhaps you might think more seriously about providing some personalised care and company to her at this time?
Both @george and @Hoplite have also come up with excellent nuggets of insights.
Our prayers for speedy recovery of your Mother.
@All
Thanks for the support and suggestions. I am still exhausted from a week of caring for my mom 24/7. My brother has swapped places until Monday. She seems to be about ready to resume her usual routine; but the case manager from her insurance provider keeps throwing up obstacles. She was supposed to have portable oxygen in the home, which is new for her. Now they're providing a concentrator that's too heavy for her to move on her own and 150' of tubing that presents a real danger of causing trips and falls. This is a threat to her independence and mobility.
The plan for now is to bring a home health aid into the picture for a few hours each day, mainly to monitor the medications and assist with the oxygen. If she reaches the point where she needs more assistance, I will probably take a leave of absence from work and live with her for a while.
I hate to do it, but after two unsuccessful "negotiations" with Gemcare, I am taking off my concerned-son hat and putting on my hardass-lawyer hat. The ugly reality of medical care these days is that if the insurance provider learns the patient has willing and capable family members, much of the care gets pushed off on them. Some of this I don't mind. Indeed, I consider it part of my moral obligation to my mother. But some of it is simply financial-based cost-shifting.
One insight that I've gained is that with so many actors involved in such a short amount of time, the flow of information is overwhelming for my mom. My brother and I have spent some time producing single-page descriptions of her medication dosing schedule and her new dietary restrictions. This way, she doesn't have to wade through the duplicative reams of paper passed out by the doctors, the nurses, the hospital, the case manager, the respiratory therapist, etc. If she knows clearly what she has to do, she is very diligent about complying.
Thanks for the support and suggestions. I am still exhausted from a week of caring for my mom 24/7. My brother has swapped places until Monday. She seems to be about ready to resume her usual routine; but the case manager from her insurance provider keeps throwing up obstacles. She was supposed to have portable oxygen in the home, which is new for her. Now they're providing a concentrator that's too heavy for her to move on her own and 150' of tubing that presents a real danger of causing trips and falls. This is a threat to her independence and mobility.
The plan for now is to bring a home health aid into the picture for a few hours each day, mainly to monitor the medications and assist with the oxygen. If she reaches the point where she needs more assistance, I will probably take a leave of absence from work and live with her for a while.
I hate to do it, but after two unsuccessful "negotiations" with Gemcare, I am taking off my concerned-son hat and putting on my hardass-lawyer hat. The ugly reality of medical care these days is that if the insurance provider learns the patient has willing and capable family members, much of the care gets pushed off on them. Some of this I don't mind. Indeed, I consider it part of my moral obligation to my mother. But some of it is simply financial-based cost-shifting.
One insight that I've gained is that with so many actors involved in such a short amount of time, the flow of information is overwhelming for my mom. My brother and I have spent some time producing single-page descriptions of her medication dosing schedule and her new dietary restrictions. This way, she doesn't have to wade through the duplicative reams of paper passed out by the doctors, the nurses, the hospital, the case manager, the respiratory therapist, etc. If she knows clearly what she has to do, she is very diligent about complying.
Maus
First, my best wishes to your mom, yourself, and family. I can dearly imagine your situaion, as I was exactly there in 1996 (my mom), 1998 (wife's dad) and currently with wife's 87 year old mom.
We tried in every case to provide care. Even our current situation with wife's mom, she is trying to do it. Problem is that you can " for a while". It takes a round the clock, three shift, care giver to do this. I know from experience(s).
But you always try, anyway. If there is a possible return to being able to live alone, then all efforts are needed to gain the independence. By live alone, I simply mean independently. I am hoping in your case, with home health, or other support it will work for your mother. Independent living is one of life's greatest gifts. Sometimes a fall will end this ability. Many things can and will happen.
I hate nursing homes. These in my area cost around $3,000.00 a month. After the person is "spent down" to $2,000 in cash assets, medicaid kicks in and pays for the bed and care from then on. Here, it is cash assets of $4,000 if a spouse is living still at home. Your being an attorney, I would not disrespect you with any legal or financial advice, as that would be very wrong on my part.
I wish you the best in all things and my prayers are for you, family, and your mom.
Herb Spencer
First, my best wishes to your mom, yourself, and family. I can dearly imagine your situaion, as I was exactly there in 1996 (my mom), 1998 (wife's dad) and currently with wife's 87 year old mom.
We tried in every case to provide care. Even our current situation with wife's mom, she is trying to do it. Problem is that you can " for a while". It takes a round the clock, three shift, care giver to do this. I know from experience(s).
But you always try, anyway. If there is a possible return to being able to live alone, then all efforts are needed to gain the independence. By live alone, I simply mean independently. I am hoping in your case, with home health, or other support it will work for your mother. Independent living is one of life's greatest gifts. Sometimes a fall will end this ability. Many things can and will happen.
I hate nursing homes. These in my area cost around $3,000.00 a month. After the person is "spent down" to $2,000 in cash assets, medicaid kicks in and pays for the bed and care from then on. Here, it is cash assets of $4,000 if a spouse is living still at home. Your being an attorney, I would not disrespect you with any legal or financial advice, as that would be very wrong on my part.
I wish you the best in all things and my prayers are for you, family, and your mom.
Herb Spencer