Which would bother you more?

[7Wannabe5]

Yay for music! Thanks all. Totally know what I am going to do now : )

[jennypenny]

Caro Emerald is great, isn't she? I've been hooked since George turned me on to her last year. Liquid Lunch is my new theme song.

[DSKla]

The specifics you gave for the things #1 believes in don't appeal to me, but if you meant it in terms of just having some kind of faith or spirituality that I disagree with (not necessarily Nostradamus), I would select that one. Because I like women who are smart and interesting. It really does come down to what she believes and how it guides her. So long as it does not guide her to destructive behavior, I am fine with it. If she believes that God hates homosexuals or that the end is near, I am not ok with that.

Maybe it's where I live, but good luck finding a female who doesn't ask you what your zodiac sign is by the third date (but usually the first). Seems like these big city west coast girls take their astrology seriously, regardless of their religion. At some point I began refusing to tell anyone my birthday. If you're so good as the zodiac, you figure it out.

[7Wannabe5]

jennypenny said: Caro Emerald is great, isn't she? I

Like! Lets' keep the Gen-X junior-high-school-girl party going, shall we? Make mine a Jolt with Sloe. This one might be my theme song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKLNyZjIQyY

liking on this one too

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13HVA6aXvpg

[jennypenny]

Haha, I liked gin too, but my drink was a Tom Collins (I know, I know ... I've been old my whole life). We can pass the gin and watch this
http://youtu.be/6WTdTwcmxyo


Sorry, I don't mean to derail. I'm just bummed that no one would pick someone like me.

[tommytebco]

Cher Bono, the epitome of mate choosers, once said "I like to Like 'em before I F*** 'em"

I think the day to day acceptability of a person is most important. Religion isn't unless you are expected to join up and start praying with them. "Bossiness" is fun when you feel like you are lost at sea, but grows old fast.
Expecting to find a "do all be all" is searching for fools gold. IMHO

[7Wannabe5]

@jp- LOL- Good pick since we're both named Jenny. I used to get teased about that one quite frequently. Why do you think nobody would pick somebody like you? Smart girls rule and I bet you are in fantastic shape. Too bad you are married...

tommytebco said: Cher Bono, the epitome of mate choosers, once said "I like to Like 'em before I F*** 'em"

I think the day to day acceptability of a person is most important. Religion isn't unless you are expected to join up and start praying with them. "Bossiness" is fun when you feel like you are lost at sea, but grows old fast.
Expecting to find a "do all be all" is searching for fools gold. IMHO

Don't disagree, but...the first guy I met after exiting my recent relationship chose to take me to see the inside of a Catholic Church on our second date and started to get damp-eyed talking about the scenes depicted in the stained glass windows. Not a winning move with the gal who was just sent on major guilt trip for exiting her Islamic contract. Anyways, I am definitely off "man-splainers" (my DD24 taught me this term) and more interested in "do me, be reasonable." Cher is cool and I have no problem in theory with "friends first" except it has been my experience that if a man doesn't fall for me pretty hard, pretty fast, it is highly unlikely that he is going to suddenly decide that I am totally his type after 6 months of platonic hang-out. Also, it's unladylike and encouraging of lazy behavior to use that verb in that manner. I might say something more like "I prefer to have a man court me at length before I grant him the pleasure of rendering me well and properly f*cked."

[JL13]

For instance, if you are choosing to be the partner who inhabits the masculine, you have to learn how to backwards ejaculate and manifest your internal killer.

7Wannabe5, your posts on relationships are always fascinating. Would you care to elaborate on this particular statement?

[tommytebco]

wannabe 5 wrote "I have no problem in theory with "friends first" except it has been my experience that if a man doesn't fall for me pretty hard, pretty fast, it is highly unlikely that he is going to suddenly decide that I am totally his type after 6 months of platonic hang-out."

and, as Shakespeare said "Therein lies the rub"

Our own insecurities and the (at least from the male side) urge to "just get laid" leads to hasty commitments and the ensuing Patch jobs to keep the boat afloat. Not an easy problem to solve.

I decided some years ago, that women in general, didn't just want to just get laid and were actually hurt by the plastic promises. So this led to me, personally, only getting laid when women were completely unambiguous. Then I got old and no longer "cute", but retaining my preference for youngish women, leading to a long dry spell' such is life!!

[7Wannabe5]

@J_L13

For many years I participated in a forum like this, but concerned with the topics of sex and relationships. One man on the forum, whose wife had cheated/left him for an older wealthier man when he was in his 20s, had "solved" his problems through adopting practices such as those described in the book "The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work and Sexual Desire" by Deida. So, I basically watched from the sidelines as this man encouraged/coached other men who were having problems in their relationships with women in this practice. Deida's writing voice can be sort of new age annoying at times, and he is just modernizing/popularizing some ancient concepts/practices, but this is the best up-to-date consolidation that I know of to recommend. Another earlier attempt which errs on the side of being more like an engineering manual written with an off-putting mid-20th-century-Mormon bias would be "Man of Steel and Velvet: A Guide to Masculine Development" by Andelin. I must admit I've only skimmed these books myself because I am clearly not the intended audience, but I have read and,more or less, attempted to absorb the practices in the related books aimed at a female audience. Trust me, I was seriously skeptical at first, but to the extent that I have even rather lamely attempted some of these rather difficult recommendations, my conclusion has been that they "work."

Anyways, in my post above, the two items I mentioned roughly correspond to two chapters in "The Way of the Superior Man" which would be "Chapter 37: She Wants the Killer in You" and "Chapter 46: Ejaculate Up the Spine." IMO, the topic of sexual dichotomy is not totally unrelated to the topic of this forum because almost everything everybody is attempting or writing about here is almost verbatim off list of recommendations for developing the masculine. Mastery of skill and conservation of resources are both concerns of the adult masculine. One reason why I joined this forum is because everybody as an independent individual is supposed to develop both their masculine and feminine energy, and my masculine energy was already strong in the realm of financial frugality because I learned that from my father, but otherwise weak. So, in order to save enough money to retire, you have to develop and engage your masculine energy, but in order to enjoy being retired you have to develop and engage both your masculine and your feminine energy. Some practices which develop the masculine would be "Make a schedule and stick to it", "Whatever your mood, stick to your daily disciplines of diet, exercise and work" and "Set daily, monthly, yearly and 5 year goals." Some practices which cultivate the feminine energy would be "Relax and breathe", "Make time in your life to participate in raw nature, walking, swimming, roaming the woods or beach." and "Listen to music and dance often." I am seriously over-simplifying here, but the theory is that if you take two people who are both highly developed individuals and they each choose to strongly inhabit one form of energy in relationship then the strong dichotomy will lead to the highest level of attraction resulting in sexual ecstasy. Or another way to think about it is that what you are trying to avoid in relationship is being or becoming or feeling like the sexually neuter Pat character on Saturday Night Life (not to be confused with the strong switchy sexual ambiguity that is frequently found manifested in an individual such as Rod Stewart.)

[7Wannabe5]

tommytebco wrote: Our own insecurities and the (at least from the male side) urge to "just get laid" leads to hasty commitments and the ensuing Patch jobs to keep the boat afloat. Not an easy problem to solve.

I decided some years ago, that women in general, didn't just want to just get laid and were actually hurt by the plastic promises. So this led to me, personally, only getting laid when women were completely unambiguous. Then I got old and no longer "cute", but retaining my preference for youngish women, leading to a long dry spell' such is life!!

True. Of course, Mother Nature often lends a hand in motivating and arranging for random, hasty recombination of the genetic pool. One book that I read recently and rather liked was "It's Only Too Late If You Don't Start Now: How to Create Your Second Life at Any Age" by Barbara Sher. She recommends that if you are in or approaching mid-life, you would benefit by getting a jump on your peers and abandoning the whole game of sex and romance earlier rather than later. IOW, just start living the ideal life pre-sexual 10 year old you would have preferred if 10 year old you had the freedom and resources you have at 50. I actually gave this a whirl for a few weeks and decided does not work in practice because even if I am pretending like I am 10 again and dressing myself in droopy overalls and a straw hat and playing in my garden, other people and my hormones will not support me in that delusion. So, I decided that if I am still in the game, I might as well play it to win!

My sister, who is also newly back in the dating game, and I were noting/discussing the fact that a lot of older men seem to have long dry spells. Even her recent-ex who is still major man-candy and was in a couple famous bands in the 70s, can't find anybody up to his standards to date, and the man she is currently dating hasn't gotten laid in years. I think this might be partly due to demographics, because on average men think that women who are 7 years younger than them are the same age looks-wise, and there are fewer Gen-X women than Baby Boomer men. Of course, it's even worse for older guys who want not just younger, but young. I have a 58 year old male friend who provides chauffeur and laundry service for young strippers because he suffers from a morbid fear of ending up with "a cat lady" his own age. One funny thing that happened was that one time several years ago, he was quite rudely telling me that I shouldn't ever go into a certain nearby campus bar/restaurant because I would look like a "vulture" compared to all the young college-aged girls, while unbeknownst to him, I had recently entered that venue in the company of another male friend who was 12 years younger than me and witnessed several of his peers giving him variety of man-signals-speak conveying "Congratulations on scoring some MILF, dude." and the bartender, who was closer to my age, offered a very amusing, disrespectful-to-my-younger-friend take on the situation. Every time I have put up an internet dating profile, I have been inundated with youngsters. One time this extremely beautiful young man in his 20s sent me a picture of himself lying shirtless on the ground with his hair spread all about him. My immediate response was "I have no clue what to do with this." -lol.

[tommytebco]

I just bought the Sher book. Gotta love Amazon. delivered for $5. I'll get back with an opinion in a week or so.

I think I've been living like I was 12 (10 is just too young to float my image) since I got divorced in my mid 40's. At 12 I had a paper route and was relatively rich, had a million hobbies and looked at females with interest. Not that much different from now.

[7Wannabe5]

I hope you enjoy the book. I hold out little hope that I will ever even get my masculine energy up to the 10 year old level. Often more like toddler on sugar-high. Luckily, I am more mature in my feminine.

[cb1504]

Hey! I resemble that remark! I am the latter and never could never fully grasp algebra, but I can seriously do the math. Do not underestimate option 2.