Overwhelm - up mental power? - Belgium

Say hello!!
Post Reply
Ayo
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2016 5:05 am

Overwhelm - up mental power? - Belgium

Post by Ayo »

Dear treasure trove,

I'm grateful for all the unconscious support so far.
Time for me to find my pot of gold with this forum.

The Story

> 20s fast track to career heaven
>> Betrayed values
>>> 30s approaching panic attack
>>>> Quit (un)expectedly
>>>>> Willingly unemployed
>>>>>> Willingly working weekend factory shifts
>>>>>>> Brainpower critically low

The Situation

(-) Energy sucking unfinished projects. Accumulating due to current runaway behavior
(-) Total overwhelm, low ability for rational thinking, lost decision-making power
(-) Letting down loved ones + blowing up bridges
(-) Vicious work cycle: factory work gives mental silence for the weekend and a forced schedule, but numbs the brain. Due to 2x12 h alternating shifts, it negatively influences my mental/physical state >< a warm and welcoming team
(-) No desire to find an inspiring job. Due to fear of failure? >< My long time goal is to be a business owner.

(+) Supportive surroundings >< too close up on the matter
(+) No financial problems >< a couple of responsibilities which could lead to them.
(+) Sufficient income (24h/wknd = €1600/month). One year tracked spending averaged €1100/month This doesn't include the obligations. I have savings for those.
(+) Free during weekdays >< currently "not well spend" + cannot be alone. Brain pulls me in black hole. I live at friends/relatives, but avoid my home > unstable environment

The Solution:

I would like to "fix" this on my own, or at least give it a good head start

> See a psyche eventually
> Regain mental clarity
> Wake up everyday at 5 am, so I'm only tired when I have nightshift? I need 10 h of sleep, but am a good napper
> Correctly define problems?
> Head on slash through all the burdens? After a while the overwhelm will dwell??

I definitely need unbiased advice from faraway people...

1taskaday
Posts: 463
Joined: Wed Dec 04, 2013 11:45 am
Location: England

Re: Overwhelm - up mental power? - Belgium

Post by 1taskaday »

The only thing that has ever worked to keep me sane and some what ahead of my mental demons is exercise.

It releases chemicals that change my whole outlook on life and turns a dark day into one full of possibility.

But this does not work for everyone....depends on your genetic make-up.

You sound like you need to get your power back and feel in control of your life again ....

Do whatever you need to do to make you feel that way and never stop.

James_0011
Posts: 392
Joined: Wed Nov 09, 2016 12:00 am

Re: Overwhelm - up mental power? - Belgium

Post by James_0011 »

What is your diet like?

Ayo
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2016 5:05 am

Re: Overwhelm - up mental power? - Belgium

Post by Ayo »

@1taskaday: good name. My partner urged me to start with 1 (little) task and not look at the overwhelming mass of work to be done. My mantra this week. E.g. I don't have the motivation to go out: at least put my socks on..Might as well put my shoes on...and we feel alive again.

@ James: in good times - nothing processed*, cooking from scratch mostly sugarfree/vegetarian, ... In bad times - "fast"-foods. I might buy a raw cucumber & carrot, I might eat only biscuits for the day. This week I gave myself a free pass to buy expensive fancy-healthy food. If that's what it takes to make me eat properly**.

Food is definitely a problem, looking back the last months. So are work-outs, sleeping schedule & healthy social contacts. But trying to focus on doing so many things right only makes me feel failed/not in control even more. Apart from the projects. Few things selfcare come automatic (will that come over time?).

A bit of background

Over the years I saw recurring trends in my emotional health. I researched the symptoms, to find tools. I believe a human has a self healing power. Often they just haven't discovered the switch. I prefer not to be labeled by a psych. It will put me in a box and as a lab rat on a discovery train to pill-land. So I may misdiagnose. The tools are effective if I compare myself to 15 years ago.
I have almost all treads of cyclothymia/cyclothymic disorder (mild type of bipolar, marked by numerous switching phases). Apart from the tools, I will never mention this (again).

Could it help someone, the first tool I started with: The dialectical behavior therapy skills workbook - Matthew McKay et al. I keep a distraction plan for emergencies in my wallet.

This quote stuck with me: The costs of these self-destructive coping strategies are clear. All of them lead to your pain being prolonged into long-term suffering. Remember, sometimes pain can’t be avoided, but many times suffering can.

But the thing is not going through a phase. Those are ever there. The situation now is the overwhelm. How to get out of this wasp nest I got myself in. What do I prioritize? What do I eliminate? The fear is probably due to really wanting to get on the right track. I decided to quit my high paying careerish job and follow my heart. I got very lost in the details. It got so far I constantly feel a fear when opening my mailbox (maybe there are angry mails/I did something wrong?), when making a decision, when turning my phone on.... So I don't open my mailbox, leave the phone and skip the decisions. Yesterday I started "slashing". Still have continuous fears. The responsibilities are also long term.

Concerning the projects

Most of them are in the light of ERE. For a future business, %generating income or retirement hobby. I can't just quit anymore. I wouldn't get back what I put in it. Not in this stage. Yes in 1-2 years.

*I work in a foodfactory now...disgusting and intriguing to see the production from close up. I'm talking about an A-brand yogurt with lots of quality labels. Imagine all those processed foods.

**$$$-energized-for-a-day-poop-3-times-a-day-breakfast

The breakfast keeps me going like a factory robot. Just what they want...

Ok this is the first time in 10 years I take a picture of food. The colors and unintentionally perfectly sprinkled ingredients were my North Star for the day.

Imageupload a picture

100% pure chocolate or cocoapowder
cold-pressed virgin/unrefined coconutbutter or kokoflakes
Bee pollen
Different types of fresh fruit for a sweet flavor
Kefir
Bran
Nuts & seeds (hemp, ...)
Puffs: quinoa, rice
Flakes: spelt, oats, rye, rice

The brands have no added sugar/preservatives. Unfortunately mainly (expensive) organic products have this, seen the strict regulations.

James_0011
Posts: 392
Joined: Wed Nov 09, 2016 12:00 am

Re: Overwhelm - up mental power? - Belgium

Post by James_0011 »

Do you know what your body temperature is? I bet you anything its low.

Any chance you had some sort of trauma or extreme stress that triggered all of this?

Ayo
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2016 5:05 am

Re: Overwhelm - up mental power? - Belgium

Post by Ayo »

36.1°C, but I am on my period and no °C reference.

These same feelings come from my last job = uninspiring, too much stress, high demands not in line with my values and with "reality", company closed eyes for things I don't agree with. I lost my talents for which I was hired. I also couldn't handle the details anymore and felt like a failure. My mistake was that I was in it for the money. I quit.

It's like I kept the negative feelings. Now I am doing things that should be good for me. I was already working on these projects, while at the last company.

So it could be a sort of burn-out that didn't "heal" properly.
I'm still associating not being able to handle the details with being a failure and disappointing the people I have to work with/for.

Mm food for thought...

I should celebrate each tiny win and separate myself from that part of my past

James_0011
Posts: 392
Joined: Wed Nov 09, 2016 12:00 am

Re: Overwhelm - up mental power? - Belgium

Post by James_0011 »

Thats pretty low, have you ever considered that you may have a thyroid disorder? You claim that these issues are external, but maybe they are driven by internal imbalance (hormones?).

Post Reply