Burnt out, laid off Dad

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OrganicRain
Posts: 32
Joined: Sun Oct 19, 2014 6:20 pm

Burnt out, laid off Dad

Post by OrganicRain »

Hi all,

A bit about me. I am 42 and DW is 44. We have 3 kids 8,10, and 12. Live in Ontario Canada (hour drive from Toronto)

I have had a bit of an unorthodox life. Had an unstable childhood (grew up in poverty, moved a lot and no dad at home) Moved out at 16. After trying lots of different types of jobs, I finally went into commission sales and got very good at it. From there I got promoted into management. During this time I was able to get my High School Diploma (GED) and an Associates Degree in Business Admin, all through part time study while I was working a heavy schedule. Work-life balance was a foreign concept for me.

7 months ago I get laid off due to closure of my department. 4 months later, I take a another job then walked out on that after 2 months because it was way over the top in terms of workload etc. So, here I am, laid off, no job, and wondering how all my success went crashing down. Trying to decide what to do next and a little bit afraid of the future. Not sure that I can go back into big sales and handle the pressure anymore etc. I am suffering from anxiety, burn out and maybe even PTSD now that I have had a chance to look back on my crazy non stop always in "survival mode" life. "Fight or flight" response for 20 plus years!!

Early retirement in disguise?
Fortunately, we have always lived below our means while I was earning the big commissions, and have been lurking around on this blog and MMM's for some time. Our current NW is 1MM (300k house, 700k invested portfolio). My wife works part time and earns $600-1200/month. We also get kids monthly incentive of $400 (this will go up to $1100 if our income drops low enough) We have no debt. Being so close to FI has made me very picky on what to do next.

Whats next?
I am not sure. Thoughts going through my head are - (1) Do I go out and look for another big $$ and big pressure sales type role (2) Take a low stress part time or even low stress min wage type full time job (3) Retrain for a more enjoyable career (4) Retire all together (5) Take more time off and focus on my health (but concerned about my resume gap)

We live a simple non-consumeristic life and am thankful that we have this financial cushion. I want my kids to be happy and healthy and a stable life. Which is more than I had growing up.....

ether
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Joined: Sat Nov 17, 2012 1:50 am
Location: Jacksonville, FL
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Re: Burnt out, laid off Dad

Post by ether »

Take some time off! If you're concerned about resume gaps, just claim you started a business if you want back in. Sounds like you do well when you work in a structured organization, why not join a volunteer or philanthropic organization. Why not dedicate some time to public service, things like soup kitchens, environmental protection organizations, community development agencies, or political groups. Trust me there is lots of work to be done. check this site out. Or why not start a small business about something you know a lot about or care about, I'm sure you can fill a need the current market doesn't do a good job of. It's the toughest part of the process of leaving the work force: finding a social function and purpose. Don't give up, you're smart and can figure it out, just get out and try!

poleo
Posts: 55
Joined: Sat Dec 19, 2015 7:58 pm

Re: Burnt out, laid off Dad

Post by poleo »

Get into farming!

Did
Posts: 693
Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 7:50 am

Re: Burnt out, laid off Dad

Post by Did »

You're richer than I was when I was burnt out and quit. It took me 2 years before I felt strong enough to maybe work some more. I had to restructure my life to enable ERE, but I'm pleased I did. Maybe search for the burnout thread.

DutchGirl
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Location: The Netherlands

Re: Burnt out, laid off Dad

Post by DutchGirl »

What are your expenses like? Per year or per month?

OrganicRain
Posts: 32
Joined: Sun Oct 19, 2014 6:20 pm

Re: Burnt out, laid off Dad

Post by OrganicRain »

poleo wrote:Get into farming!
Nah - I am a city boy.

OrganicRain
Posts: 32
Joined: Sun Oct 19, 2014 6:20 pm

Re: Burnt out, laid off Dad

Post by OrganicRain »

DutchGirl wrote:What are your expenses like? Per year or per month?
About $2800 month - that is a fairly liberal number including car depreciation $150/month, home improvement $100/month and misc of $250/month.

However, things like weddings for my kids etc are not included. We have 3 daughters.

OrganicRain
Posts: 32
Joined: Sun Oct 19, 2014 6:20 pm

Re: Burnt out, laid off Dad

Post by OrganicRain »

Did wrote:You're richer than I was when I was burnt out and quit. It took me 2 years before I felt strong enough to maybe work some more. I had to restructure my life to enable ERE, but I'm pleased I did. Maybe search for the burnout thread.
Thanks for the tip...

DutchGirl
Posts: 1646
Joined: Tue Sep 06, 2011 1:49 pm
Location: The Netherlands

Re: Burnt out, laid off Dad

Post by DutchGirl »

OrganicRain, to me it seems like you could retire, or at the very least become the "stay at home parent".

Let's imagine that for the next six years, your wife continues to bring in $6k/year and the child incentive brings in errr $10k/year (I think this is an underestimation, but let's go with it for now). You have roughly $34k of annual expenses, of which $16k will be covered already. $18k need to come from your $700k of investments. This is 2.5% of the total value, way below the safe withdrawal rate of 4%. This would probably mean that you will see your assets grow (but this of course depends on how your investments do). After that period, children will start leaving the house as they have grown up. That will mean that expenses go down; and probably you can then also still give your kids a gift (for their wedding or education), without suffering financial consequences yourself.

So I would choose one of two options: 2. that lower paying but low stress job, to bring in a bit of parttime income (let's say just enough money to help cover all expenses for the next few years, meaning that you can let your assets grow unperturbed for a few more years), or 4. retire completely.

By the way, I'm sure that if you choose option 4, there will still be opportunities for you to earn a bit of money here and there. Whether that's as a consultant in your current career field, or by taking on a seasonal job here or there, or by developing some other talent of yours, I don't know. I doubt that you'll retire and earn no money ever again for the next 40 years of your life :-)

But at the very least to me it seems that high-stress jobs just aren't worth it anymore for you; you've got enough so that you don't need to subject yourself to that anymore.

Well done, and congratulations.

OrganicRain
Posts: 32
Joined: Sun Oct 19, 2014 6:20 pm

Re: Burnt out, laid off Dad

Post by OrganicRain »

Thanks Dutchgirl - well said. Made my day. :)

inchicago
Posts: 134
Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2015 12:03 pm

Re: Burnt out, laid off Dad

Post by inchicago »

Sounds like you are in a very nice position, OrganicRain. I like the way you put it, that you may have PTSD from prior work. I'm beginning to feel that's going to be me if I don't watch it.

Anyway, I think it's great that you are rethinking going back into the same old thing of high stress jobs, etc. It looks like at this stage you could really choose whatever is you wanted to do. You've paid your dues, so now do what you want to do. You've earned it!

OrganicRain
Posts: 32
Joined: Sun Oct 19, 2014 6:20 pm

Re: Burnt out, laid off Dad

Post by OrganicRain »

inchicago wrote:Sounds like you are in a very nice position, OrganicRain. I like the way you put it, that you may have PTSD from prior work. I'm beginning to feel that's going to be me if I don't watch it.

Anyway, I think it's great that you are rethinking going back into the same old thing of high stress jobs, etc. It looks like at this stage you could really choose whatever is you wanted to do. You've paid your dues, so now do what you want to do. You've earned it!
Re PTSD from work: I would watch, it can creep up fast.

Thanks for the encouragement.

workathome
Posts: 1298
Joined: Sat Jun 29, 2013 3:06 pm

Re: Burnt out, laid off Dad

Post by workathome »

You can look at the Wiki, I think, or MrMoneyMustache for lists of other type of work too. Always feel free to not-work for at least a year, and if you just need a small amount of money there's always people in need of intelligent reasonably competent contractors in almost any sort of field (handyman, auto maintenance, etc.), or you might think of other ways to make money on the side.

Cornerman
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Re: Burnt out, laid off Dad

Post by Cornerman »

Take a lot of time to simply rest, build your strength again and regain your health. That is the most important thing, forget the resume gap. Without your health you'll end up in this situation again. I have run into that wall myself a couple of times. Best of luck and get well soon.

Stahlmann
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Joined: Fri Sep 02, 2016 6:05 pm

Re: Burnt out, laid off Dad

Post by Stahlmann »

I am suffering from anxiety, burn out and maybe even PTSD now that I have had a chance to look back on my crazy non stop always in "survival mode" life. "Fight or flight" response for 20 plus years!!
That's scary. Hope you're doing well atm.

ThriftyRob
Posts: 148
Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2020 7:20 am

Re: Burnt out, laid off Dad

Post by ThriftyRob »

You only need to worry about your 'resume gap' if you're contemplating a return to corporate employment (where the prospective employer is concerned that you may have served a prison sentence!). Your daughters are a lovely age, so prioritise enjoying time with them and being the 'best dad you can be' as well as a great husband. This time goes so quickly and you can't get it back.

From my own experience, I suggest you take your time, go with the flow and figure out how you'd like to spend your time in a way that's worthwhile for you. I picked up on some local community issues, did some volunteering work and made a difference for people. Opportunities to receive an income just flowed from that activity – it was a matter of being in the right place and being open to possibilities. As you admit to being burnt out, take time to look after yourself – think about eating healthier, getting fitter and regular exercise. (After a corporate role it's good to build some structure into your day). I'd also suggest you take a critical look at how you spend your monthly budget and figure out ways to make savings – just because it's a good habit to have.

DutchGirl
Posts: 1646
Joined: Tue Sep 06, 2011 1:49 pm
Location: The Netherlands

Re: Burnt out, laid off Dad

Post by DutchGirl »

It's a very old thread, this one. But it seems from the latest posts by OrganicRain that he was doing all right in 2018 and 2019, so probably currently as well.

ertyu
Posts: 2893
Joined: Sun Nov 13, 2016 2:31 am

Re: Burnt out, laid off Dad

Post by ertyu »

Served me personally well to have it dug up. Will likely be in the same situation in a couple of years: burnt out and with a cv gap. I didn't realize my case was so textbook. I kepts wondering what's wrong with me, but nope, just burnt out af. I will probably end up with a 2-3 year CV gap, too. The idea to claim I have started a business is a good one. Glad OP is faring well.

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